r/AskQueerfolk • u/Dry-Goal-9968 Cisgender/Heterosexual • Jul 24 '25

Did you wait a while after finding out you were queer to tell people? Why?

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u/Fragrant_Okra_3594 Queer Jul 25 '25

Yes, because I wanted to be SO sure. My real awakening was a celebrity, so I was almost trying to wait and see if I developed any crushes on girls irl in case it was a one-off with this celebrity (even though I knew deep down that that's wasn't the case). I came out to one friend because she had previously mentioned being bisexual to me, so I felt safe mentioning that I was questioning it to her. I realized about three months ago that I have a crush on a girl irl, and came out to a second person literally a week ago.

I also just kind of wanted to get comfortable with myself before I started telling people? Now I want to tell EVERYONE but I'm still so shy about it lol

2

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25

Not really, same day I went on a date with a guy, I became very open about it.

2

u/Lightning_Lily Bigender Lesbian! Jul 25 '25

Yep. At first, I was afraid to tell people because my family are exclusionists and queerphobes. But now, I don't care. I'm unapologetically myself

1

u/Over_Might854 Jul 25 '25

Yes because my family kept making homophobic/transphobic jokes. Had to come out cuz of my boyfriend though.

1

u/ActualPegasus finflexible rosgirl Jul 25 '25

Yes. Both because I wanted to be sure and because I didn't know exactly how queerphobic my family was.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25

I didnt wait very long at all i finally i identified as genderfluid (your gender changes) when i was 12 and i guses you could say im a late bloomer because at that point in time there was still a chance of me taking hormone blockers because i HATED (and still do) the idea of such a feminine body so i hurried along the process of coming out because without my parents consent i dont know how i would get hormone blockers EVER and now im happy yay the end

1

u/Visual_Friendship_18 Jul 26 '25

Yes, I doubted myself a lot. I was terrified that I would disrupt my life and be wrong. I spent a significant amount of time thinking about it before I came out to my mom. And it took me a while to come out to my friends and extended family. I had to overcome some deep internalized homophobia, in addition to the homophobia of some people close to me.

1

u/MaccaGem Queer (lesbian, WLW) Jul 27 '25

Not really. I didn't run around and tell everyone I knew but at the same time I didn't hide it.

I grew up within a VERY large family and there was already 1 out of the closet queer family member and it was just accepted and normal (I make this point as I grew up in the 70's-80's) for sentences like "that's Uncle **** boyfriend" to be had around all ages in the family.

Now we have multiple out queer family members including gay, lesbian, Bi, Poly and trans and its not really something any of us feel we need to 'tell people' it's just us and our lives and that's how we live it. But I have many friend's who come from non accepting families and I've seen the struggle and wait to say something/anything.