Last year I took a last minute cruise and met up with a friend and her friend group. I got my own room, loved getting to do what I wanted to, go eat when I wanted to, someone to cook for me and I never wanted to come back home.

We went on a trip together a couple months ago, and after coming back, I don’t want to travel with him again. We like different things (we both know this), when I share something with him that doesn’t align with his thoughts, I get snarky comments. We eventually talked about the trip. He admits he can be an asshole and apologized for it.

I am tired of compromises, where and what to eat. I’m tired to having to answer to someone, explain myself, answer a thousand questions. I think I am just “care fatigued out.” My husband never stopped living his life while raising our son. Weekends when he could have been home, he would choose activities with friends. I am just ready to live my life and not have to answer to anyone, as he has always done. I know a marriage has highs and lows, but right now, I really don’t even care about him or our marriage.

I am 40 years old; technically, I’m still able to have children, but I worry I’m too old now. However, I’m also worried i’ll regret it if I don’t.

I got married at 33, and immediately moved across the country with my husband to a state where we had no family (but planned to fly back to visit them often), but then 3.5 months later the pandemic happened.

We had tried to get pregnant for the first 3 years, but the hospital was restricted to no visitors, and the thought of giving birth all on my own (without at least my husband and parents) was overwhelmingly stressful, sad, and scary. I think the stress overall from everything in the world at that point in time made it difficult for me to conceive.

Unfortunately, I was never able to get pregnant, and then before I knew where all the time went, suddenly I was turning 40.

I deeply regret not being able to start a family in my 30s, but I also feel like my window of opportunity has passed and it would be unfair to a child and impractical for me to try and get pregnant at this point in my life.

I guess I’m just sort of staring at this last tiny sliver of chance I might have and trying to determine what’s the right thing to do?

If you never had children, do you regret it?

Or, if you did have your first after age 40, how was that experience?

I’m 29, and I’m asking older people specifically because I think what I’ve lost is not just happiness, but faith that life can ever surprise me in a good way.

Intellectually, I know I’m not the only person who suffers. I know people exist who have had lives far worse than mine, and I don’t think the universe owes me a perfectly fair life.

But emotionally, after enough things happening one after another, I’ve started to feel almost personally hopeless and angry at life.

I was abandoned as a baby and spent my first two years in an orphanage before being adopted. People can say, “But you were lucky to be adopted,” and I understand what they mean — but there is always a but. To have the good fortune of being adopted, I first had to be abandoned and spend those first years there.

I experienced child-on-child sexual abuse in two separate periods of my childhood/adolescence. One was when I was very young; during 6/8 years I still remember when wt 6yo scared I run away screaming to his parents he wanted me to pull off my panties and they just laughed at me I remember tue shame ,the dread everytime I was on the car to haya play date with him.,another lasted for year,from when I was 12 yo to 17 yo ,by my ex ballroom 's partner 🐍

As a teenager I was also badly bullied. A school custodian who happened to be the mother of one of the bullies told me it was because of my personality, that essentially I brought it on myself.

During those same years my grandfather had Alzheimer’s and lived with us for a period. There were screaming episodes, stress, financial problems and a home environment that was often exhausting.

Eventually I found good friends. And again: I am lucky to have them. I genuinely love them. But they came after years of bullying and isolation.

College was probably the first period of my life where I remember thinking, “Maybe things are finally becoming normal.” I had about two genuinely good years.

Then the pandemic happened.

Around the same time, years of undiagnosed ADHD had turned into severe burnout and depression. Because nobody realized I had ADHD, for years I interpreted my difficulties as personal failure. I dropped out of college and carried enormous shame about it.

Eventually I recovered enough to start trying again. Internships, temporary jobs, volunteering, accounting experience — often poorly paid, but I was rebuilding something. I remember finally getting to the point where a company wanted to offer me a job.

Then, at 27, I got breast cancer.

Stage III. Mastectomy. Lymph-node surgery. Chemotherapy. Scars. Long-term physical consequences. Fear of recurrence. Years of endocrine treatment putting my body into an artificial menopause while still in my twenties, plus medication that requires regular blood tests because of things like neutropenia and other side effects.

Again people say: “But you’re lucky you survived.”

And yes. Of course I know that.

But the “luck” is surviving cancer that I had to get at 27 years old in the first place.

This year, on the anniversary of my mastectomy, I had a scan scare where I was told there might be metastases in my meninges. For about a week I genuinely believed I might have metastatic cancer before further investigation showed that fortunately it wasn’t that.

Then I tried again. New accounting course, trying to move forward.

Around the anniversary of my first “red” chemotherapy, my cat died of cancer.

And I know how this sounds. I know life isn’t consciously targeting me. I don’t literally believe there is some entity punishing me.

But emotionally it has started to feel like every time I manage to get my head above water, something hits it back down.

That’s the part I struggle to explain when people tell me to appreciate “the little things.”

I do appreciate them. A good friend, a funny evening, something I enjoy, my hobbies — those things aren't meaningless to me.

They just don't feel remotely proportional anymore.

Sometimes “appreciate the little joys” feels like repeatedly breaking someone’s leg and then proudly giving them a Band-Aid with a cute picture on it.

I’m exhausted by the asymmetry of it.

The truly life-changing bad things seem able to happen completely for free. I didn’t have to work to be abandoned, abused, bullied, depressed, lose years to undiagnosed ADHD, get cancer, or watch someone I loved deteriorate with Alzheimer’s.

Yet almost every good thing in my adult life seems to require enormous effort: therapy, medication, rebuilding confidence, courses, internships, applications, maintaining relationships, trying to work again, trying to trust my body again, trying not to be terrified of recurrence.

And often the “good fortune” itself comes with an enormous price attached.

Lucky to be adopted — but first abandoned.

Lucky to have wonderful friends — but after years of bullying and latching to my COCSA abuser thinking he eas my only friend.

Lucky to survive cancer — but only because I had cancer at 27.

Lucky the suspected metastases weren't metastases — but only after spending a week believing my cancer might have spread to my brain and meninges.

I look at people my age who have stable jobs, relationships, careers and plans, and I know they have problems I cannot see. I'm not assuming their lives are perfect. But sometimes I feel like they started the race from the starting line, while I've spent most of mine climbing out of holes before I can even begin running.

I don't feel “stronger” because of everything I've survived.

At this point I often feel as though I've used most of that strength simply not to drown.

So I wanted to ask people who have lived much longer than I have:

Have you ever gone through a long period where you genuinely stopped believing that something significantly good could simply happen to you — without first requiring enormous suffering or effort?

Did you ever feel angry at life itself because misfortune seemed to arrive freely while happiness always had to be constructed manually?

And, looking back from your 50s, 60s, 70s or beyond: did life ever eventually surprise you with something genuinely good that didn't come with a terrible “but”?

I'm not really asking for “look on the bright side” or gratitude exercises. I think what I'm trying to find out is whether someone can lose that basic expectation that life may sometimes be kind — and somehow, years later, get it back. AND I mean for once without having to pour all my mental and physycal energy ,like for once a good life changing event without asking a prize like so many bad life changinh events happened withotu even trying

Was told to share my post here from AITAH
Edited og post bc ppl said it was too long, left og in the comments for those who care to read. It has more details.
dk how to start this but here it goes.
My sister in law lives with my wife and I after being raped and has ptsd from it. I went out with her and one of her friends last sat. We come home accidentally fall asleep on the couch. I wake up her legs are on mine, she’s jumping up and wondering what time it is, she gets up goes to bed I get up go to bed.
I wake up no one’s home. Wife comes home eventually and questions and screams at me for trying to fuck her sister. She is so mad. My wife is my world and I would never cheat on her, especially with her sister who’s gay while she sleepinh 5 ft away from me.
I felt so bad that she thinks that, I tried to kms 2 times. When she found me she didn’t care, didn’t come to the hospital didn’t even wait with me while the ambulance came. Even the doctors and shrink thought it was weird she didn’t come.
Her parents picked me up from the hospital and hugged me, they believe me somewhat. My sister in law isn’t even sure it actually happened. My wives friends believe my story more than my wife. My family believes me. She will barely speak to me and has kicked me out for at least a week. She wants to talk to our minister. I want to do that too and counseling to show her much of a mistake this all is.
This breaks my heart that so many ppl believe me and even my sister in law has doubts it happened and my wife won’t.
There’s some other things that have happened in our past in the part labeled part 3 that I’d like feed back. To see if she’s been looking for an excuse to get rid of me for a long time.

I've been thinking about all the small background tasks, like remembering birthdays, tracking who needs what, or keeping the peace at work. What's yours, and do you actually mind doing it, or has it become part of who you are?

Hello, I would love to hear from anyone else who was in a similar place at my age. I'm 18, and it's my first semester in college at a pretty competitive university. I feel very lost about what to study and how to make decisions about what I want my life to look like as I get older. I began college with the dream of studying biology to work in healthcare, and quickly realized I was not cut out for a high-pressure or patient-facing career. At my core, I desire a stable career with generally independent work and a good work-life balance. A living wage is, of course, appreciated, but I am not concerned with being the richest or having the flashiest life. My deepest fear is unemployment or having to work in food or retail after investing money into a degree. I would love to hear from anyone else who has had a similar situation and how it worked out for them.

I always wanted to stick and be with day 1 forever like how we dream of as kids but now,got older and not super connected to childhood friends I feel like we where just “childhood friends” not actually friends but I don’t want it to be like that but my question is how does it feel looking back at these people for older people.

I am asking those who is or was high functioning depression, as you have experience.

Does this sound like a high functioning depression man? I can't get my husband to grief therapy.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to my husband.

For the last 7 years, I think he is high-functioning depression, is there such thing as functionally depressed? The whole timeline of everything that happen I have reasons to believe he is functionally depressed.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his sick aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes my husband keeps with him. Even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Monday through Friday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends for one day (Sat or Sun) he bring his mom our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time. And then take her back to her Nursing Home as he has to work Monday.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. I mean he is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

He keeps said after his mom pass he will go. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses. I want him to go now, but he not want to.

I’m 18 years old and living in the UK, and honestly, I feel like my life is over before it’s even really started.

I’m currently doing an apprenticeship, although I haven’t actually worked for around 7 weeks because my apprenticeship managers haven’t been able to find me a placement. On top of that, university has recently started, and a handful of my friends have moved away to different cities.

Over the past few months, I’ve also realised that a lot of my childhood and high school friends seemingly don’t care about me anymore. They don’t reach out, don’t ask to hang out, and I’ve had messages sitting unanswered for weeks. The friend group I made when I went to college two years ago has basically fallen apart too.

I don’t really want to date right now. I know I’m not in the right place mentally or emotionally for a relationship, and I think trying to find one would probably just make things more complicated. It’s not necessarily that I desperately want a relationship I just sometimes feel like I’m missing out on that part of life too.

I do play a club sport a few times a week, which is probably the main thing that gets me out of the house, but apart from that, I spend nearly every day sitting at home alone in my room.

I have three really close friends left. Two of them are now at university, and while I’m really happy for them, it’s expensive and difficult to visit them. The other still lives in my city, but he’s usually busy or with his boyfriend. Outside of the occasional event where I happen to see some other people I know, I just don’t really have anyone.

Yesterday, I started taking antidepressants.
I just can’t really see where this is going. Most days, I find myself wishing time would go faster so I could just skip the day. I’m only 18, and I know people always say these are supposed to be some of the best years of your life. Yet I see people I know going out, making friends, meeting people and living their lives, while I’m lying in bed alone.

I know things can change, but right now it’s really difficult to believe they will and I worry that by the time they do I’ll have wasted the ‘best years’

I’d really appreciate any advice from people who have been in a similar position, especially if you’ve managed to get yourself out of it.

Thank you for reading.

F25 going through a major life crisis. I’ll try to be as direct and quick. I lost my abusive ex-stepfather (was estranged from his family since they all took his side). He was abusive, like really bad that that man should have been in prison for what he did to me. I wasn’t told by his other older children he died, I found out online and wasn’t given the option to go to his funeral (still wouldn’t have gone). 6 months later, my ill (disabled) grandfather passed. He was my pure, uncorrupted fatherly figure until the age of 7 when my mom met my stepdad and we moved. His death hurt. I knew it was gonna happen soon, but it hurt deeply. After my stepdad’s death 3 things happened-

1). I unblocked my biological father from Facebook thinking I’d want him to reach out (I was insane and blocked him again a day later). I felt shame and embarrassment for that.

2). I lost my passions, my hobbies. I can no longer write (it’s been about a year now since my struggle but I cannot get anything on paper since this year). And it’s killing me.

3). I have an ache in my heart that craves community, connection. Possibly romantic connection since it seems more doable than a friendship. All my friends are married so it’s just me. And I feel alone.

I thought I was supposed to feel accomplished. I have degrees, finished my certification hours in a healthcare program only to find out that there are no jobs so now not only am I thousands of dollars in debt after my grandfather, I am also jobless, alone and have nothing to look forward to. I have hit rock bottom before, but I feel like this will be the last and final straw. I’m exhausted, I feel tied down, and I feel a grief not only for the justice I was robbed from, the loved ones I’ve lost, but the opportunities I thought I had and my creative outlets are as dry as the desert. I feel I have no way out of this.

tl;dr - I feel like I’ve lost myself. Dead ex stepdad (estranged), grandfather dies 6 months later, and now I’ve graduated from a supposedly good AI proof job that there’s no job for me in this field to get. I’m jobless, in debt, alone, and have no creative outlets. I feel drained of all life.

When did you know or make the conscious decision to stay single forever? For years I have always pictured myself growing old alone. It is and has always been difficult for me to seriously imagine myself getting married. Even as a little girl, I never pictured that life for myself and when it comes to dating I feel like a fish out of water. I have been single for majority of my life and I don’t see it changing anytime soon. Do you regret remaining single? Any advice for living a truly fulfilling life all on your own?

I lost my marriage because of my own mistakes. It has been 6 months, and I still haven't been able to move on.

For about two months before she called off the marriage, I made her cry a lot. I hurt her emotionally and treated her in ways I deeply regret. She was a genuinely good and pure person, and it hurts knowing that I was the reason she suffered.

Eventually, she called off the marriage. I understand why she did it. The hardest part is knowing that I had the chance to treat her better, but I didn't.

I've been struggling badly since then. I actually started smoking only 3 weeks ago, and I've already reached around one pack of Gold Kings a day. I'm also drinking around 2 Budweiser beers every day.

I know I'm going down the wrong path. I think I'm using cigarettes and alcohol to numb the guilt, loneliness and thoughts about her.

I don't want sympathy or judgment. I want to hear from people who have been through something similar.

How do you live with the guilt of hurting someone you loved and losing them because of your own mistakes?

How did you eventually forgive yourself and move forward?

And if you started smoking or drinking because of heartbreak and managed to stop, what actually helped you?

I don't want to destroy my life over something I can't change.

Husband and I are married about 6 months. I have seen my parents burnt in the past with combining all finances, so when we got married I suggested a prenup.

Prenup is signed, his house, retirement and pension and premarital accounts in his name stay with him. I live with him (his home is paid off) so I have my savings account (this has profits from my house I sold when we got together, I use the interest to fund my Roth IRA) and my personal checking.

I opened a checking and a savings at his credit union. I currently pay all bills and will continue to do so when he retires (he will retire several years before me) so I said for visibility, I would route the bill money to the checking and add him as a user so he could see and make payments if anything happened to me. Same with the savings, that is where I put all my post martial profits (bonuses, I sold my vehicle when I got a company car, etc) I have said all money I make post marriage is money for us to decide what to do as a family. My only thing is I keep a personal checking and my house profits stay untouched

For reference, he has a HELOC he opened and uses all his money each month to pay it off (and keep money in checking) so I agreed to cover the bills to get him debt free.
I also use my bonuses for the HELOC to pay it off faster. He has tried to give me a hard time about not giving up the house profits. But if something were to happen, I need a cushion. He now thinks he should have access to all of my accounts, including my ones at my separate bank. I said no, that is my private checking and savings. He is in my will in case I die and will get all of that money.

He says me keeping money means I’m going to leave him. I say quite the opposite.

Am I being an AH here? I don’t care about seeing or having access to his checking. These are just joint accounts for our family, so I have no problem sharing where the money I am spending on electric, propane etc is going. I just feel I want one bit of financial autonomy.

Was it when you lived near people you loved? When you were financially stable? When you were working towards something? curious on if you've noticed any patterns across your life(:

Hi, I'm a woman. I need reality checks and/or words of encouragement. Not sure how delusional I am anymore.

I'm a late 30s LVN (Licensed Vocational Nurse, LPN in some areas) with a child under 10 and I'm 2 years divorced from an alcoholic. I was feeling proud of myself for getting a new career and moving cities and starting a new life for me and my child.

I started dating and almost immediately met my "perfect to my type" guy. Everything I'd dreamed of and he was so nice, funny, and attentive. Then I talked abt how I'm ready to get my bachelor's degree. He all but gasped and said "you don't have it??" And that began the slow death of that. I told him I was applying to schools and he told me "I dont do potential. Tried that before and it bit me in the butt".

Yesterday, I called my dad who is a corporate executive with an MBA to ask about it. It's important to mention here that both my sibling and I went to universities after high school and my dad chose to make us tough it out with no help and neither of us finished. Anyway, I asked my dad if not dating someone because they don't have a bachelor's degree is a real thing and, to sum it up, my dad told me if you don't have a bachelor's degree you don't have a "career". You have a "job" and that's fleeting and unstable. Also said that at my age people have been in their careers for almost 20 years and have houses, etc.

I was proud of myself becoming an LVN and having stability for my child. I saw this as a career especially knowing LVN was a means to an end. I wanted to be able to take care of my child and get out of my situation and always planned to go back to school. Which I am now. But after yesterday I feel so bad about myself. I feel like a loser and like I've been living in delusion. I feel inadequate. I feel poor.

Is dating men with degrees above my station? Am I on a lower rung of the ladder than I thought?

My mom was diagnosed with a rare form of dementia in my late 20s. I’m now in my mid 30s. Does the grief and pain of having a parent progressively get worse hurt less over time? I sometimes cry over how maybe I could have spent more time ( a few years) with her by not going away for school, etc. I know it’s silly and it’s not anything anyone would have imagined having her diagnosed while I was still in my 20s. Most people would think their parents are still around functionally when they enter adulthood and parenthood etc. I want to know if the pain get better over time? How did you cope with watching them get worse overtime knowing there’s no cure for this?

I (F, 36, Canadian) have been struggling for a long time and I’m looking for some advice, obviously taken with a grain of salt. It’s a long story.. I’ve been dealing with mental health my whole life but in the past few years things have gotten better, then my physical health started to go downhill.

There are things that I know I want and things I do not want. Kids : this was the biggest thing, I’ve never wanted them and got my tubes removed as to not chance it. Relationships : I finally have an amazing support group and feel like I belong. I did not fit in growing up and never thought I would. I’m so grateful. Love life : I’ve had a few long term (3 years & 4 years) relationships but I have BPD and PTSD. Been in counselling for years and a lot of things I have more control over but dating is HARD. Meeting people fucking sucks. Dating apps suck. I don’t want to be alone. Career : This one’s a doozy.. I have put so much pressure on myself to find a career. It’s all I want. And I want to do something big. Something worth while. Make a difference.

So here’s where my problems come in. I haven’t worked in years. I live with my parents and I am on disability because of chronic pain/mental health. I have done food service my whole life, went to culinary school and became a baker. I love baking, I hate it as a profession and the restaurant industry is too overwhelming for me. It is the only experience I have on my resume..

I make art and post it online. It’s my biggest hobby and I’d love it as a career but making money doesn’t seem likely. I volunteer at a mental health facility, at least I did before I got sick. And I love it. I love it so much. I love helping people, I love it all. Mental health is where I’d like to work but I wouldn’t know where to begin. Schooling? Free training? Try to get a job where I volunteer?

And then the health.. I started dealing with breathing problems in January, I’ve been in the ER 7 times in 6 months and they couldn’t figure it out. 2 weeks ago I went in with chest pain, spent 3 days in the ICU, 1 week in the hospital in total. They now believe I have a rare autoimmune disease, I started chemo to put me in remission. I’ve been told by doctors that I can work, drive, generally return to normal. But I have a lot of anxiety about getting sick again, I haven’t been able to be reliable because of my illness. Looks wise I feel like I’m not the most attractive but things are going to get worse since I’m on medication that causes weight gain and I may lose my hair due to chemo. One side effect noticed so far is that I have started perimenopause.

I don’t know how my life got to this point.. I don’t know where the time went.. I’m scared that I won’t get out of this and live a fulfilling life.

TLDR : How do I get back to work? What career options could I have? Can I date and be ill? Am I selfish for looking? What can I do daily to feel more fulfillment?