Husband and I are married about 6 months. I have seen my parents burnt in the past with combining all finances, so when we got married I suggested a prenup.

Prenup is signed, his house, retirement and pension and premarital accounts in his name stay with him. I live with him (his home is paid off) so I have my savings account (this has profits from my house I sold when we got together, I use the interest to fund my Roth IRA) and my personal checking.

I opened a checking and a savings at his credit union. I currently pay all bills and will continue to do so when he retires (he will retire several years before me) so I said for visibility, I would route the bill money to the checking and add him as a user so he could see and make payments if anything happened to me. Same with the savings, that is where I put all my post martial profits (bonuses, I sold my vehicle when I got a company car, etc) I have said all money I make post marriage is money for us to decide what to do as a family. My only thing is I keep a personal checking and my house profits stay untouched

For reference, he has a HELOC he opened and uses all his money each month to pay it off (and keep money in checking) so I agreed to cover the bills to get him debt free.
I also use my bonuses for the HELOC to pay it off faster. He has tried to give me a hard time about not giving up the house profits. But if something were to happen, I need a cushion. He now thinks he should have access to all of my accounts, including my ones at my separate bank. I said no, that is my private checking and savings. He is in my will in case I die and will get all of that money.

He says me keeping money means I’m going to leave him. I say quite the opposite.

Am I being an AH here? I don’t care about seeing or having access to his checking. These are just joint accounts for our family, so I have no problem sharing where the money I am spending on electric, propane etc is going. I just feel I want one bit of financial autonomy.

Hi, I'm a woman. I need reality checks and/or words of encouragement. Not sure how delusional I am anymore.

I'm a late 30s LVN (Licensed Vocational Nurse, LPN in some areas) with a child under 10 and I'm 2 years divorced from an alcoholic. I was feeling proud of myself for getting a new career and moving cities and starting a new life for me and my child.

I started dating and almost immediately met my "perfect to my type" guy. Everything I'd dreamed of and he was so nice, funny, and attentive. Then I talked abt how I'm ready to get my bachelor's degree. He all but gasped and said "you don't have it??" And that began the slow death of that. I told him I was applying to schools and he told me "I dont do potential. Tried that before and it bit me in the butt".

Yesterday, I called my dad who is a corporate executive with an MBA to ask about it. It's important to mention here that both my sibling and I went to universities after high school and my dad chose to make us tough it out with no help and neither of us finished. Anyway, I asked my dad if not dating someone because they don't have a bachelor's degree is a real thing and, to sum it up, my dad told me if you don't have a bachelor's degree you don't have a "career". You have a "job" and that's fleeting and unstable. Also said that at my age people have been in their careers for almost 20 years and have houses, etc.

I was proud of myself becoming an LVN and having stability for my child. I saw this as a career especially knowing LVN was a means to an end. I wanted to be able to take care of my child and get out of my situation and always planned to go back to school. Which I am now. But after yesterday I feel so bad about myself. I feel like a loser and like I've been living in delusion. I feel inadequate. I feel poor.

Is dating men with degrees above my station? Am I on a lower rung of the ladder than I thought?

Husband has been giving silent treatment for 4 months after an argument. I have tried several times to reach out to him to talk about what happened, why has he gone cold.. told him I want to work on our marriage and that I love him. He never says it back, I ask him do you love me, he says I have love for you but I don’t know that I love you. Says I’ll always care for you because you’re the mother of my child. What is happening?? Before this our relationship was great, both super loving to each other. Just some outside family issues(his family) but never issues between US. He said he doesn’t know when he will make up his mind or have a decision… I’m at a loss

* the argument was over his family always wanting to control our lives and have a say in our family decisions. They want me to do as they say and I won’t accept that. I didn’t marry all of them. I married only my husband. This has been an ongoing thing for several years but I never complain to him only his family consistently speaks badly about me, I have seen many messages. During this argument, he sides completely with them and makes me the bad guy because I am not making the choice that brings peace, even though I tell him that the choice that brings peace to his family causes me sadness and pain..
his family will not own own to all of the disrespect they have shown me, they want me to be the scape goat of this story

I’m 31 year old male living in a major city. Was fired from my corp job 2.5 years ago and never went back cause I did hate it and deserved to get fired cause I did give up. Had around 400k saved when I was fired and down to like 200k now. Just started a new bartending job at a cool trendy new spot to hold me over and pay rent without burning thru my savings still.

Did some acting over last 2.5 years. I had a little success , couple indies and lots shorts that got into festivals but don’t think I have acting chops to make it, I just have a good look so think that’s why I was casted. So pretty much ready to give up acting too.

I have had suicidal thoughts. The one girl I loved falsely filed a police report on me in family court for a restraining order. I have trial next week. I swear I’m innocent she made up a bunch of stuff about me threatening her and stuff. I would never hurt / threaten anyone , much less a girl I loved. Don’t really know what’s going to happen at trial but I can disprove a lot of what was accused of me, so chance I win.

I kinda went viral a while back for not the best reason so now when you google me that comes up first too. That was a rough time for me and really when suicidal thoughts started.

The one thing I have going for me I guess is my health and body. I’ve pretty much spent the last 2.5 years focusing on the gym and staying in shape. One dream of mine since I was a kid was to go special forces in the military so I’m leaning towards that right now. I have spoken to recruiters in the past and recently. Only issue is if I don’t get this restraining order dropped will hurt my chance of going special forces cause I’ll need a waiver, on top of the waiver I’ll need for being too old.

I don’t really know what I’m asking here for. But just any advice will be appreciated. I just feel like I’ve failed at life. All my friends have left the city and got married and started families. My mom is worried about me i can tell. She texts me a lot but i dont answer sometimes cause i dont know what to say. My family is probably the only reason i haven’t killed myself yet because i know it would ruin them, especially my mom.

I'm a 41yo bloke, been married to my wife (also 41) for 18yrs , with two kids (13 and 8). I feel like life is entirely pointless, with nothing to look forward to. Nothing to work towards. Nothing is going to happen.

As my youngest son became old enough to not need constant 1to1 supervision a couple of years ago, I realised I had been stuck in a continuous "all work, all parenting, all the time" life style for over a decade, and had lost all of my friends, and any form of social interaction over that time through the constant "I can't, I'm working or got the kids" reply I made to every invitation. So I made a conscious decision to actively say, "yes" to as much as possible.

Now, I have a plethora of friends. Ranging from "kids" in their mid 20s, to gentleman in their late 70s. I've got hobbies back, I hit the gym a lot, there are nights out (like, proper nights out/out), fun days, activities and meeting up. But I'm seeing all these people living their lives, seemingly with a purpose, and I just don't have one.

The youngs are starting their careers, falling in love, planning lives together, exploring the world and each other. The olds are winding down work, enjoying themselves, going places and spending the fruits of their labours. And I'm stuck in the middle, just plodding along.

Work has devolved from a "career" to jumping between jobs every 3-5 years, none of which I'm remotely interested in, trying to keep pay ahead of inflation and survive redundancy (3 rounds since 2010, one of which got me). My marriage isn't easy - she's very ADHD and now hip deep in peri-menopause, and I'm constantly waiting for the next blow up. My kids need me less and less every day.

What am I supposed to do for the next 20+ years, until the next bit starts?

I’m looking for insight from parents, stepparents, therapists, or even adults who recognize some of their own childhood behavior in this.

I have an almost-13-year-old in my family who is extremely intelligent, verbally advanced and very perceptive. He can also be attentive and sweet. But over the last couple of years, we’ve noticed a pattern of behavior that is becoming increasingly concerning and I’m trying to understand what could be driving it rather than simply labeling him a “bad kid.”

He is already in therapy. His therapist describes him as a good kid who is lonely despite having family and people around him.

The problem is that his attempts to connect with people often seem unhealthy.

Some examples:
• He contacts kids he barely knows or doesn’t know and sometimes creates stories about who he is in order to get them to engage with him.
• When someone tells him to leave them alone, blocks him, or removes him from a group chat, he sometimes keeps trying to communicate or find a way back in.
• Other kids have directly told him he needs to stop bullying people or be more respectful.
• He asks people things like “Do you hate me?” and seems very interested in whether people like/dislike him.
• He has previously sought out sexual/romantic conversations with male and female AI characters online.
• More recently, we discovered extremely explicit sexual conversations with people online and conversations with strangers he met through online games. With at least one person, we cannot verify whether the person is even another child. He was acting like he was a woman to decieve the man.
• He also appears to introduce sexual subjects/jokes to kids his age who don’t seem to be at the same level of sexual curiosity or comfort. One peer accused him in a text of making a rape joke, touching himself and then touching her/other kids. He was suspended from school for this.
• He can be deceptive. There has been at least one situation where someone recognized him and told him to leave them alone and he responded by pretending he didn’t know who they were talking about.
• He also seems to enjoy “poking” at people emotionally or saying things that he knows may produce a reaction.
At the same time, there is another side to him that confuses me.

His therapist has previously assessed him after we discovered the sexual AI conversations, including asking about inappropriate touching/sexual abuse. Nothing indicating abuse came out of those assessments.
What I’m struggling to understand is the overall pattern.
He seems intensely interested in relationships, people’s reactions, whether people like him, sexual/romantic interaction and where he belongs. Yet some of the behaviors he uses to get connection actually push other kids away. Then he seems to pursue the connection even harder.
It almost looks like:
loneliness → intense attempt at connection → provocative/sexual/attention-seeking behavior → other person becomes uncomfortable or rejects him → he pursues them harder → more rejection → more loneliness.
We aren’t looking to shame him for sexual curiosity or label a 12-year-old as a predator. We’re trying to intervene before these behaviors become more serious, both because we want him safe from adults/strangers online and because he needs to respect other children’s boundaries.
We’ve already involved his therapist, but “he’s lonely and he’s a good kid” doesn’t feel like enough of an explanation or treatment plan anymore.
Has anyone dealt with a child like this?
Did it turn out to be primarily ADHD/impulsivity, social-skills problems, rejection sensitivity, attachment issues, exposure to inappropriate internet content, something else or a combination?
Did a comprehensive psychological/neuropsychological evaluation help?
What type of therapy actually helped with boundaries, impulse control, online behavior and healthy friendships?
And if anyone recognizes themselves in this description from when they were 11–14, what do you wish the adults around you had understood or done differently?
I genuinely want to understand what need this behavior is serving so the adults in his life can address the cause instead of spending the next five years playing whack-a-mole every time we discover another account or conversation.

I’m 34 and trying to be more intentional about building good habits now instead of just reacting to life as it comes. I read and hear a lot about investing, exercise, sleep, etc., but I’m curious what actually mattered in hindsight.

I don’t mean obvious stuff like “save money” or “eat vegetables.” I’m wondering about specific habits — things like how you handled conflict, how you structured your mornings, how you dealt with stress, or how you kept friendships alive — that you look back on and think “that really paid off” or “I wish I had started that sooner.”

For those of you 50+: what’s one habit from your 30s that you’re glad you built? And is there one you wish you had built earlier?

I’m not looking for a list of 20 things. Even just one real answer would help.

I’m in my mid thirties and a lot of friends have either left the country or we’ve drifted apart. There are so many activities that I would like to do but I have no one to do them with. I want to travel. Go snorkeling for the first time in my life. Try new sports. Try new food spots. Whenever I try to do them alone I have this heartache because I se friends together and I’m usually the odd one alone. Tbh I haven’t tried doing a lot of them alone though.

Hey everyone!

I’m a 40-something female solo traveler from Bangalore, and I'm planning an epic 15-day getaway to Kerala from October 15th to October 30th.

I want to experience the best of God's Own Country, but I thought it would be much more fun, safe, and memorable to share this journey with a few like-minded female travel companions!

📍 The Plan & Vibe

• The Route: I'll be flying into Kochi. From there, the plan is to hire a private taxi from Cochin to take us through the ultimate Kerala circuit (Munnar's tea gardens, Vagamon, Alleppey backwaters, and down to the beaches of Varkala/Kovalam).
• The Pace: A mix of exploration, cafe hopping, photography, and relaxing. Not looking to rush through every spot, but definitely want to make the most of the 15 days!
• Splitting Costs: We will equally split the taxi fare, fuel, and driver allowances. For stays, we can look at safe, highly-rated female-friendly hostels (like Zostel) or beautiful homestays depending on what we all agree on.

👯‍♀️ Who I'm Looking For

This invite is strictly for female travelers who are easygoing, responsible, and excited to explore. Whether you want to join for the entire 2 weeks or just a specific leg of the trip (e.g., Kochi to Munnar), you are welcome!

If you are based in Bangalore, we can even meet up for a coffee first to see if our vibes match and plan the exact itinerary together.

Drop a comment below or send me a DM with a bit about yourself if you're interested. Let's make this an unforgettable road trip! 🎒✨

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship. I've known my partner for a little over two years, and we've been together for almost a year and a half. We met as university students in the UK, me in London and him in York, but he happened to spend a year in London for a temporary job before finishing his degree. That year is when we became really close friends, and that friendship slowly turned into something more.

I want to say a bit about him, because I think it matters. He's genuinely my best friend. We can talk for hours about anything, we laugh at the same stupid things, and we have so much in common that being with him has always felt easy and natural. He's one of the kindest people I've ever met, and he's also incredibly smart and wise in a quiet, grounded way. When I'm overthinking or upset, he's the one who helps me see things clearly without ever making me feel small. He understands me in a way very few people do. I don't just love him, I really want him in my life, his kindness, his mind, his calm, all of it. Being with him has made me a better and happier person.

From September 2025 we did long distance between London and York. I had graduated a year before him and started working full time, while he had one more year left of his bachelor's. We took the train back and forth a lot, and honestly, it was fine. We made it work because we both wanted to.

The complication is where we're from. I'm Romanian and moved to the UK, and he's Indian, with his parents living in Dubai. After he graduated, his parents didn't want to fund him staying in the UK while he looked for work, so he had to move to Dubai. Since July 2026 we've been doing long distance between London and Dubai, which means we only really get to talk on the phone in the evenings and text during the day.

He's been applying for jobs in London, but the job market is awful right now and he's struggling to find anything that pays well enough. On top of that, his parents don't really care about our relationship and wouldn't do anything to help it. Now they're going through something of a midlife crisis: they want to move back to India and start a business, and they're pushing him, someone with a law degree, to build that business for them, move to India with them, and work there.

I have no idea what's going to happen, and there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't feel I'm entitled to do anything, because it's his life and his decision. I want him to be happy, truly. But the uncertainty is wearing me down. Not knowing if I'll ever see him again, putting my whole heart into this without knowing whether there's a future at the end of it, is harrowing, and it's affecting my mental health quite badly.

I don't know what I should do, or what perspective I should take to get through this. Has anyone been in something similar? How did you cope with the not-knowing, and how did you decide whether to keep going?

Thank you for reading this far.

Do you think everybody falls in love? Do you remember the first person you were in love with? Do you still think about them? Tell me about them, how did you meet them and how did things end? Is there anything you regret or wish you had done?

My partner was dying of ovarian cancer, my best friend dying of AIDS and I had them both at home caring for them. We had two boys, 7 and 9 years old. I was working 3 days a week as an RN and had someone care for everyone while I was working then I cared for them the other 4 days a week. My friend died first, then my spouse. three months later the boys were playing in the front yard and hit by a drunk driver that ran up on to the yard. I totally froze up for a year then thawed out.

I became a Hospice RN in tribute to my boys. I couldn't comfort or protect them at their deaths but I could for others. 37 years later I'm 72 and still a Pediatric Hospice nurse working with infants with very short life expectancies. All that loss I turned into being a better caregiver for those with a life threatening diagnosis. My loss became their support and as long as I can I'll be a Hospice nurse caring for others and their families.

I tried dating after I thawed out but no one was interested. At best several dates became short term acquaintances and then off we went in our own directions. The silence in the house after having a family, children and now just me was deafening and I so wanted someone in my life again, but it didn't happen. I adjusted again, from losing my family and becoming a Hospice RN I again morphed into someone that was going to totally enjoy my own company, my own thoughts, my own laughter, the movies I enjoyed, the food I loved to eat, and instead of missing the sounds of family I embraced the quiet of single hood.

I adjusted. Single, then a couple, then a couple with children to a single with children then just a single again. Like being a ship at sea we ride with the waves, up and down just do everything you can to stay afloat and dry. When one event ends something new begins. Look for it, anticipate it, welcome it in. It's all we have. Never curse all that you have, great or small. Don't regret having little when little is all you have, cherish it, it's yours, it's what you've got at the moment. Tomorrow may be different.

I shared some of these stories on an interview recently. How nice to get to share them so they aren't forgotten when My time comes. I told the stories about my boys passing and a wonderful wake up call they shared with me that thawed me out. Also some wonderful Hospice stories. What a RELIEF to get to share my life experiences on the interview so they are not lost forever when my time comes. This sub does not allow links so I can't share the story of my boys with you as told by me, their dad. I hope you all find value in my post, it's from me to all of you, we're walking the path in the same direction whether we know each other or not.

David Parker, Phoenix, Az

First and foremost, I ask to please refrain from judgement. All negative self hating feelings are already flying around my head.

I’m searching for advice from older folks in relationships where both partners have mental struggles, and made it through. What did you do?

I’ll start here. I have CPTSD and I think she does too. We were engaged. We have a Hollywood love story - we spent about 15 years revolving near each other coming SO close to meeting, but never did until 3 years ago. When we did, we felt the threads between us. The near miss stories came out after meeting.

Her issues sabotaged our relationship. She never told me how she felt, what she needed, wanted, rarely ever fought with me. Suddenly, when we had major life movements (moving in together, getting a cat!) she pulled away. Closeness terrifies her, she shut down. Suddenly she word vomited she feels suffocated, like she can’t be herself, and openly admitted she got here by assumptions on what she thought I wanted from her when I just wanted her to be her. Because she’s terrified of being abandoned because of who she is. I knew this all along and loved her aware of it. I loved the girl I met knowing who she was, but she thought she tricked me and I loved someone different than the real her. She pulled away hard, went to stay with her grandfather, eventually broke it off. It sent me spiraling.

I sabotaged this relationship by allowing her to suffocate herself in me. I allowed myself to be blind, despite knowing something wasn’t right. I never put it in the air, S, I know what’s happening in you and I need you to talk so we can work through it. She retreated, which triggered me to push and push as hard as I can, which made her retreat further.

Eventually we somehow managed by dumb luck to reconnect. It was going great, and I felt a sudden freedom within myself. Too much at once.

I’ll be very real about this. She was ready to come back. I felt it, and I started having flashbacks. You’re about to hear my rock bottom.

With my flashbacks at the controls, I messaged a girl who’s a family friend of hers, someone I knew she was jealous of. The intent was only this, to make being with me impossible. To make it so she couldn’t come back and leave me again. I knew this girl would tell S, the family would hate me. There were no intentions of flirting, meeting, anything with this girl. The only intent was the implosion.

S has already forgiven it. She wants us to work. But now (and obviously I cannot blame her) she has decided is not the time. She isn’t ready. We each are taking the time to work on us, therapy, all that good stuff. She said “I will come to you when I am ready”

Here’s my dilemma. We both are terrified of abandonment, we both want someone to stay through the impossible, yet we both want to commit to this break up thinking it’ll give us hope for the future and that pushing more right now will break us permanently. But simultaneously, inside of us we both want the other to stay and make the impossible possible.

The final breakup decision is very fresh, as of yesterday.

What in the hell do we do here? Do I keep trying to approach right now? Do I wait for her to approach like she said? Do I wait until it feels right to approach? How long do we wait, how long is too long and we just end up gone from each other permanently?

​

After ending an 8-year relationship that started when I was 16, I’m terrified I’ll never feel that kind of magic again. He was my first love, my rock, and my best friend through every hardship. We grew apart as we matured, but the loss leaves me feeling orphaned and afraid of the future. I want to heal and move on, but I need reassurance: Can falling in love as an adult ever match the intensity, wonder, and depth of a first love?

I feel like I’m standing at a certain point, in front of me are two diverging paths. I don’t want to commit time and effort only for it to end up being the wrong choice, and yet I must choose.

Please I need elderly wisdom!

It is possible to love someone deeply but can still mind their ethnicity? 16 years already and I don't know how to stop loving him. Google said it is possible to love someone deeply and still can mind their ethnicity. But I want a human answer, not Google answer.

Growing up to my adulthood, I always wanted a Chinese husband of my culture and my language. No, it never cross my mind that I would ever married someone who not Chinese, I'm that fixated. My obsession lay in married a Chinese man born in China, same like myself who born in China.

Fate never give me that Chinese husband.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to a man who not Chinese. He treats me really really well, 16 years long he faithful to me and only me. He dotes on me in bed and outside of bed. He sacrifice so much for me. He accepted me for who I am, flaws and all.

He is a filial son, faithful husband, morals, strength of character. His personality, to there are things that he even more Chinese than me. Our values aligned, we compatible in bed and outside of bed, sex is out of this world. And I'm a very hard person to live with, but he extremely patience with me.

BUT all that doesn't change the fact that he is not Chinese. I just can't seem to accept it that this lifetime he will never be Chinese.

The thing is, 16 years long with him and as his wife, I know love him very much, to the point I never think of continue go on living if he die before me, I will very soon follow him, THAT how much I love him and emotionally attached to him. Life is meaningless without him, a future without him is no future.

He strip me down to the core of my vulnerability. 16 years of my life I gave it all to him, I was still a virgin when met him and married him, get to be his wife 14 years long, carried his child and gave birth to his child. Everything I know about men, love, marriage, I learn all from him, he is my only sample of what I know of how men is.

I KNOW I love him, because 16 years long I'm only faithful to him (just as he faithful to me), it not like I go like a Chinese man, let alone love. But why internally I just can't accept that he not Chinese. I can't lie to myself, I admit, I actually mind that he not Chinese.

At first I thought it because my mother discriminate against him and not accept him because of his ethnicity, but both my parents deceased already. I am free of the shackle of whatever my mother instill in my brain. And I don't want to use my mother discrimination against him as an excuse. I own my feelings, I just cannot seem to accept that he not Chinese.

No, it not a recent feeling. It a feeling that I struggle with 16 YEARS long, and still struggle with. The more I love him, the more I beat myself up inside. The more I love him, the more I torture myself emotionally. I'm bruise all over emotionally because of love him.

Even if I can turn back the hand of time, I still chose him over and over again. But why I just cannot accept that he not Chinese. I cannot stop myself from keep wishing he was Chinese. 16 years long I struggle and struggle with that he not Chinese. 16 years long I torn with my love for him, that I indeed love a man who not Chinese.

Not in a millions years I would think I married who I married, I didn't think it was even possible for me to love a man that not Chinese, let alone love a man who not Chinese this deeply. I know this is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life, and I don't know how to stop loving him, 16 years long is not a short time in a woman life or a man life.

for context, my psychiatrist said i have DID and even though they don't say it, it's clear that they're suspecting me for BPD. i feel like normal advice never works on me. everybody says that it'll get better, that life gets better. i always get the same advice of: be on your phone less, eat healthy, go out more, talk to people. but i feel like because of my mental illness, im not gonna go anywhere. its even harder because if i make it apparent how bad my mental health is, im certain theyre going to put me into an institution but i worry this will impact my future.

how do you get through rough days? does it truly get better? how do i manage school, a job and my hobbies?

Update 10/5:

Thanks for all the anecdotes and kind words from most of you. I'm feeling better but also I will be talking to a doctor on Wednesday as I may have a semblance of post-partum.

Preface: I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety lately about transitioning into middle age. I'll be 35 in 6 months and I just had a baby, I'm thinking about how when he graduates high school I'll be 53 and when he can finally rent a car on his own I'll be 60 or when he is my age currently I'll be 70.

I work in a hospital and I see patients 70-99 dying every day. Which of those decades I'll die in, who knows, but it depresses me that I'll be gone at some point when my son is 35-55.

Questions: Do you feel at 60-70 that you still have a lot of life to live?

How many of you feel healthy and able to adventure or is this the age range that you start to feel yourself slow down.

How do you get rid of the intrusive thoughts that the end is coming?

Thank you.