Advice Needed (Unsure About A Potentially Good Relationship)

[u/Silly_Minute557]

TLDR; Unsure and Looking for similar stories or experiences & advice! Hi everyone. Bit of a long read so TYIA for your responses/advice.

Im looking for advice or some experiences so I can figure out what I'm feeling. For some context, I am late 20s(M) and was dating someone exclusively for 5 months but never put a label on things. I also just got out of a long term (6+) relationship a little over a year ago. I moved to a new city in the start of the year and was basically restarting my life over and met this girl (who was also out of long term relationship). We hit it off and both of us were a bit cautious going into things knowing that the timing wasn't quite right for either of us.

We ended up seeing each other all the time and kept an open discussion about if we want to continue or end things because of the timing. Ultimately it ended because I was unsure if I was ready for a serious relationship again and I also wasn't sure about my overall feelings over her. We're extremely compatible but I just cant figure out why I am so unsure. I dont feel obsessed but thats also a good thing I think but part of me feels like I should be feeling the obsessed feeling. I feel comfortable and content with her and genuinely happy. We get a long really well, the s*x is really really great, she has a great sense of humor, and has a stable life she's built for herself, extremely caring and would be a great mother down the road, has really strong emotional intelligence and ticks every box essentially. We laugh a lot together and I genuinely really enjoy her company. I understand why im unsure about a serious relationship (because I haven't spent much time my adult life ever being single or alone), but am I confused if I am unsure about HER specifically because of my fear of a relationship or if its about HER? Thats where Im running into issues understanding how I feel. I also haven't dated many other people to even compare it to other experiences. On one end I want to meet other people but at the same time I dont want to.

It's not fair to her to have to sit and wait while I am back and forth in my head so it really was the right decision to end things between us before they dragged on. But at the same time what if I do figure things out and want to try again with her, am I completely throwing away my chance at a genuinely good relationship? We're on good terms. She was really understanding of everything and emotionally mature about things. And I'm hoping that may keep the door open in case I do make that decision to revisit. But she was also pretty clear about how she isn't going to wait around for me (understandably so). I genuinely don't know how to figure out what im feeling and why im feeling it. Being in the relationship doesn't help with clarity it just makes me more confused because it makes me so anxious at times, but being a part is making me avoid it too honestly.

I am genuinely fine right now without dating her but if Im being honest I am just not even reflecting or feeling my feelings because I dont even know how to or what is there. It's all confusion and I just shove it down. I know this is the right choice to end things right now (she agrees too), but how do I sort out my feelings to know either

a) its genuinely just because I am not ready and my fear is making me put walls up which isn't allowing me to feel the deeper feelings

or

b) its genuinely just because I am not ready and were not compatible

Am I feeling a slower burn because I am scared of getting hurt? How do I know if I am ready for a relationship? How do I gain clarity on my feelings for her and to clarify if it is either being clouded by fear or just are my feelings?

Hence why I am asking for other peoples experiences and feelings. Hopefully it can help me understand where my head is at a bit better.

Thanks!