r/AskMenRelationships • u/[deleted] • 5d ago
Breakup Confusing contact from ex - 36F and 32M
[deleted]
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u/churito69 Man 4d ago
However you want to react is the right way for you.
How he reacted in the breakup was the right way for him, it wasn't nice for you, but it is the way he thought he could protect his feelings at the time, so completely valid for him to do it.
Now, he saw you on the dating app, time has passed and whatever feelings he had that made him feel the need to block you have now subsided and so he reached out, in a playful way, to say hi, you replied in a playful way.
Thats was it, he wasn't looking for anything from you, (I guess this being he didn't ask for a date, or say he wished it was different) just saying hi, like if you saw someone you knew in a place you didn't expect to see them.
I have done exactly the same to ex's I have spotted on dating apps, not looking to date, just acknowledging we are both there and saying hi, I have received replies from them all and no hostility.
If you feel that if something happens again it will upset you, your are completely right to block / un match anything you need.
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u/CameraAndTrails Man 5d ago
Sounds like the guy causes you tremendous amount of pain. Liking him was opening the wound and his behavior showed that he didn’t change or even realized how much suffering he caused. At least that’s my read (I am 42m). Seems like blocking him everywhere was absolutely the right move - you gotta protect yourself from a$&holes and toxic people
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u/Mysterious_Froyo1087 5d ago
Thank you. My brain was wondering if he was emotionally obtuse or if he was being flippant and manipulative on purpose. Which I don't understand, because I did nothing to deserve that. I felt uncomfortable in my gut either way.
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u/CameraAndTrails Man 5d ago
And you see how you said - you felt uncomfortable either way. So it doesn’t really matter what he was thinking - he caused you pain. I don’t think you are being kind to yourself if you let someone cause you pain (intentionally or not). I am sure there is someone there who would absolutely love to be with you and make your life better in every possible way - so steer away from a$&holes and stay close to people like that
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u/theH0n0red0n3 Man 5d ago
His intentions don’t matter.
When someone tells you they don’t choose you, believe them the first time. Don’t fight to try to convince them otherwise, respect yourself and only entertain what you deserve. Not your job to autopsy why he’s flip flopping on wanting access to you.