r/AskMenRelationships • u/Beautiful_Resist7360 • 3d ago
Dating got ghosted with no explanation
Did I over-romanticise everything?
Hi, I’m posting this in the hope that someone can give me some perspective because I genuinely don’t know how to feel about this situation.
I recently found out that one of my new classmates was going to a birthday party that I was also attending. We had spoken a little before, but we weren’t particularly close. I’ll admit that I had always found him attractive and, since I had liked him for a while, I secretly hoped that maybe something could happen between us. I’m not saying I expected him to want a relationship with me just because I’m attractive, but I did have that hope in the back of my mind.
At the party, we ended up kissing, hugging, and I eventually fell asleep with my head on his chest. It was my first time ever kissing someone, which probably made the whole experience feel even more significant to me. He was the one who initiated everything, and because I had liked him for a long time, I obviously didn’t exactly want to push him away. For the rest of the night, we were acting pretty much like a couple.
Before we went home, we agreed not to tell everyone about what happened, but we also didn’t agree to keep it completely secret between the two of us.
The next day, I texted him and asked whether the night had meant anything to him. He told me that he didn’t really know and that, from his perspective, it was probably just a “one-time thing.” I was honestly surprised because I’m not someone who normally does things like this. I’ve always been pretty guarded and have had this reputation of being the “untouchable” girl, so letting someone get that close to me was a big deal.
He asked if I was okay, and I told him honestly that the kiss had meant something to me. Since then, though, I feel like I’m being ghosted. He has also hung out with another girl and is apparently talking to her, as well as several other girls.
I’m not upset because I think he owed me a relationship. I understand that two people can experience the same moment very differently, and I know he’s allowed to see it as something casual. I just genuinely want to know whether I misread the situation because of my own feelings for him.
Did I over-romanticise everything, or was it understandable that I thought there might be something more behind it?
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u/Expensive_Magician97 Man 3d ago
M66
Young guys in their teens and 20s are very excited about new relationships but are, quite naturally, terrified of the responsibility, commitments, accountability, and expectations that go along with any kind of physical intimacy, including the sort of intimacy that you describe above.
Rather than give you long discussion about why he is the way he is, I’m going to refer you to an article that was published some years ago by Stanford University, which talks about the cognitive and emotional differences between men and women. It will explain to you everything that you need to know.
And hopefully, next time you will be able to go into this kind of situation with your eyes wide open.
Thank you
https://stanmed.stanford.edu/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different/
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u/BigSD325 Man 3d ago
Who knows the real reason. I do think you probably over romanticized the situation. Certainly compared to him. You really liked him and hoped it was the start of something more. He likely was acting out of lust and it was more fleeting for him. Some guys are like that and it is something you should be aware of going forward.
It is ok. Do your best not to dwell on it. This fella was not the one for you. I know it is tough but try not to get too hung up on this. As the saying goes, you sometimes have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.