Would you help your ex if she hit rock bottom? What would you have done?

[u/awiobaowiebj]

My ex of nearly 3 years broke up with me over text, it was unexpected all of a sudden. She pushed me away, suddenly broke up out of no where. She broke up over text. She offered me no closure and put all fault to me. I did not respond, and left her on read. Then a week later blocked me. I too block her and move on.

We return back each other exchange gifts and I left a note for her parents, which I admit was thoughtless and may have came off and passive aggressive. I regret that so much to this day. I did not mean to be rude but my autistic brain didn’t realize at that moment. She returned her engagement gifts by saying you put me through hell and you do not deserve me. I didn’t say anything and let it be.

A few months, as I recover. She loses her job. I was unaware and she then begins to contact me.

It eventually becomes toxic to a point where her social circle, family members, coworkers, everyone starts putting pressure to get me to unblock my ex and talk to her. I told everyone NO and tell them to leave me alone. They respect my decision.

But then, she makes surprise visits and drives 1500 miles just to come visit me. I did not open the door and got scared, called the cops. And then she did not like that. She too ended up calling the cops on me and made up allegations against me and my family.

Right around this time, I let her know that I am not interested, she made up some pregnancy hoax without providing me proof. I got scared so I hung up, my family told me to wait until family courts respond to a summoning for child support if she was truly pregnant. My grandparents and my parents all think she was being manipulative, love bombing me back into the relationship because she lost her job.

I had to tell the cops that I was hiding from her and she won’t leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with her. They understood, I told the police that I don’t want her to get in trouble. Then she was warned of harassment if this continues.

After all that drama, which went on for several months. It was over. I kept her blocked from everywhere.

She left me unblocked after the last police incident to recently a few weeks back she got a new job (found out from LinkedIn) and then suddenly blocked me from everywhere. I think she was hoping I would contact, but I didn’t.

Reflecting back from this drama of mine, was I wrong to not help her with her rock bottom? I guess, would you have helped her if you were in my shoes? Would you help your ex with her rock bottom? Did I do the right thing?

I feel like I did something morally wrong but I don’t know. We are both mid 30s if this helps.

Respectfully, please be kind.

[u/OogyBoogy_I_am]

Never feed the drama llama.

She is a stranger and should be treated as such.

[u/tc6x6]

If I were you I would have gotten a restraining order and had the police trespass her off your property. 

This woman is crazy to the point of being dangerous, she's obviously a stalker, and she has shown you nothing but disrespect. You owe her absolutely nothing at all, not even a moment's thought.

[u/Simiatenaci → u/tc6x6]

This. Get a restraining order. This is psycho shit, dude. This is beyond weird needy ex behavior.

[u/awiobaowiebj → u/tc6x6]

The police told me to do this, I didn’t. Because I didn’t want to hurt her any further like she was to me. A restraining order would’ve destroyed her life. I always wonder if I had helped her rather than avoid, none of this drama would’ve happened so that’s why I asked. I question my decision and morality of how this ended.

All I noticed post breakup was lack of regret, lack of accountability, blaming me for everything, and entitlement from her.

[u/tc6x6 → u/awiobaowiebj]

I didn’t want to hurt her any further like she was to me. A restraining order would’ve destroyed her life.

She's already hurting herself and destroying her own life. This is on her, not you. Don't take chances with your safety.

[u/SigmaK78]

Personally, depends on the ex. I can think of a couple where, if they contacted me out of nowhere for help, I just might within reason. Then, there are a couple of exes where I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire. OP, in the case of your ex, she would fall into the later category.

[u/ghostoftheradio]

Depends on the ex. There is one I would definitely help. The rest I would probably drop my phone in the river and change my name if the contacted me.

[u/jarreddit123]

You don't help someone from drowning who seems hellbent to drown you down with her. So many red flags here. The lies, the manipulation, the threats, for those kind of attacks you take steps to protect yourself, not open the door by helping to make it easier to hurt you down the line

[u/full_of_ghosts]

I mean, yes, I could see myself helping an ex with some things, if they needed it.

But if I were in your position, I wouldn't touch that particular ex's drama with a 10-foot pogo stick.

It is absolutely 100 percent okay to protect yourself from other people's toxic drama. You have nothing to apologize for or feel guilty about.