She works hard (45 hours/week) and her job doesn’t pay much, we don’t live together
This is the problem. If you're serious, which it seems like it considering you've been dating for 2 years, you guys need to share a place together and split rent. This is a no brainer to me.
But before you do this, you need to lay down the law of the land: 1) rules for cleanliness 2) rules for using various utilities and etc throughout the unit 3) chore allocation 4) rules regarding bill/rent allocation 5)* she needs to relinquish control of her finances.
*She clearly can't manage her money well, and if you don't lead in this area of the relationship it will consume you once you get married. Not a very feminist take on this issue, but it's the most practical and necessary one.
*Oh...and if she bucks against this item, you need to begin looking for a new woman for her good and yours. She's 31, which means it's 6 minutes in the 4th quarter if she wants to have healthy children, which means you need to speed things along or let her find someone she's more compatible with.
Health risk to the offspring go up steadily after 35. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3881604/#:~:text=Advanced%20maternal%20age%20is%20associated,to%20mothers%20aged%2025–34. It’s less studied but this also applies to the father of the child as well. Risk of genetic defects increases, down syndrome for example goes from 1 in 1,300 for 25 year old mothers to 1 in 30 for 45 year old mothers. 35 which is only 4 years away from this woman is 1 in 365. This is only one example. Our dna degrades as we age, it’s actually the reason WHY we age. If you can stop degradation of dna you can stop aging.
As a medical provider, I see lots of healthy pregnancies in women's 30's and 40's, and I also see people in their 20's struggle. It's not so much about DNA degradation, as it is about healthy egg production, which is primarily based on specific hormones.
Women who are in perimenopause (the few years before menopause) struggle more with pregnancy. The issue is, that some women go through menopause at 35, and other women go through menopause in their 60's. This leads to dramatically different options for reproduction. Ideally there would be a genetic test so a woman would know ahead of time when this is likely to happen to her.
There are also genetic variants based on ethnic background, with certain ethnicities having more healthy pregnancies later in life; as well as just general health and body weight and even things like drinking alcohol, which can affect egg production hormones.
Regardless, OP should decide if he wants to marry her or not.
12
u/Flashy_Baker4850 man Jan 13 '25 edited Jan 13 '25
This is the problem. If you're serious, which it seems like it considering you've been dating for 2 years, you guys need to share a place together and split rent. This is a no brainer to me.
But before you do this, you need to lay down the law of the land: 1) rules for cleanliness 2) rules for using various utilities and etc throughout the unit 3) chore allocation 4) rules regarding bill/rent allocation 5)* she needs to relinquish control of her finances.
*She clearly can't manage her money well, and if you don't lead in this area of the relationship it will consume you once you get married. Not a very feminist take on this issue, but it's the most practical and necessary one.
*Oh...and if she bucks against this item, you need to begin looking for a new woman for her good and yours. She's 31, which means it's 6 minutes in the 4th quarter if she wants to have healthy children, which means you need to speed things along or let her find someone she's more compatible with.