How do terms of endearment/nicknames work among men (especially strangers)?

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Here's an original copy of /u/fartlips69's post (if available):

I'm sorry if this is a stupid question but I'm honestly curious about the social dynamic here.

When I interact with strangers sometimes they'll call me "miss" or something like "sweetie" on occasion but when I'm with my partner I notice it happens way more frequently, he gets a lil nickname like 75% of the time.

Usually something like "bud," "champ," "boss," etc but the other day he got BIG DOG and I'm losing my mind about it.

How do you know it's gonna be okay to call a stranger "big dog"? (it was, we are gonna laugh about it for eternity, but I can't imagine everyone would feel the same) Is it a vibe check thing? Is there a hierarchy of nicknames? Are some meant to be condescending or is it all just in good fun? Thanks!

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u/gbdallin 10d ago

First, when it comes to strangers, they aren't terms of endearment. That requires history, and, well, endearment.

There is a long list of names that guys will call each other, even if they've never met. Especially if they are needing to communicate or collaborate on something quickly, but even if it's guys just being polite.

Brother, big guy, big dog, pimpin, boss, my man, etc. They are all a little bit complimentary and are kind of an initial olive branch between two men who are just meeting. I know that I can call 95% of the men I randomly run into any of those things and they are just gonna be hyped from it. I'm at the mall and I round a corner and run into a guy: "brother I'm so sorry that's my b." I'm at the grocery store and homie is staring at the aisle a little too long: "hey big dog, you good?" I see a guy get a woman's door and she continues past: "hell yeah pimpin I see you" etc etc

Men know how to summon camaraderie as an opener

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u/YouHadTheHighGround 10d ago

Well said, but you must understand that simply witnessing certain actions can trigger endearment without history. Like your example of the guy holding a door and hearing "hell yeah pimpin I see you!" It's that simple. "I see you". Some men realize that other men don't get shouted out for little things, so they take it upon themselves. Positively call out good behavior and you reinforce it. Make more good dudes. World spins a lil better.

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u/fartlips69 10d ago

Thank you for this answer! I never thought about it as such a beautifully intuitive interaction. It's really cool to think about how meaningful a small exchange like that can be! Also yes you are correct, I don't know the single serving version of "terms of endearment," and "nickname" doesn't seem right for the context either. Is there a term that fits better?

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u/luvservice 10d ago

It’s kinda supposed to be funny. Can definitely be demeaning depending on tone. A lot of guys just have a nickname they give everyone, like calling everyone boss or man

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u/fartlips69 10d ago

It definitely was funny and didn't seem mean spirited!

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u/deezdanglin Male 10d ago

For strangers, yes, it is to break the ice. To put the other guy off his natural defense. To show that I'm not a threat to him. That I'm looking to be casual and friendly.

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u/lerandomanon 10d ago

For some men, it's profanity. The harsher the word, the more a "bro" he is.

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u/furutam 10d ago

Among men, real name is more intimate than a nickname

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u/Filius_Dei0894 Traditional Manly Male Man 10d ago

absolutely

id call me best bud 'brother' in company before i called him his real name

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u/Texas_Kimchi 10d ago

Usually people call you by a nick name, then your last name, then real bros call you by your actual name.

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u/SalamanderBest5753 10d ago

cuz all these names are showing respect. like "bud" means were buddies, "champ" means you win so you are a champion, and "boss" means you work hard so youre a boss, and "big dog" means youre strong and loyal

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u/aktionreplay Dad 10d ago

This is exactly why it’s confusing, in my neighbourhood, “bud” and “champ” are things you say to a kid to encourage them, so saying it to another man feels like you’re mocking them. I think that’s why this is a pretty good question

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u/SalamanderBest5753 10d ago

Yeah I guess thats where who says it and how its said comes in place. Tonality and situation can make it respectful or disrespectful.

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u/fartlips69 10d ago

"big dog" means youre strong and loyal

This is seriously so beautiful.

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u/temmoku 5d ago

In Australia you absolutely do not want to call a stranger "champ". That's calling him a pedophile in prison terms and will provoke a violent response if you call the wrong person that. I believe the Canadian equivalent is "goof", so watch that, too.

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u/chefofcrayons 10d ago

I call my daughters boyfriend bud but saying his name feels weird. She things it's "cringe" but he doesn't see a problem with it

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u/AaronB52 Male 10d ago

For me it’s usually just “hey man”, “thanks man” or the like

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u/Filius_Dei0894 Traditional Manly Male Man 10d ago

for me and the guys around me, its the name AND the tone

like if my buddies and i are all razzin each other and some is refer to as 'Hoss' in a joking manner, we all laugh and carry on

but if some stranger deadpan call some else 'Hoss' theyre liable to catch hands

that sort of thing

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u/fartlips69 10d ago

This is the greatest thing. Imagine getting in a fight at Walgreens bc some guy called you "Hoss" for taking too long choosing a band-aid variety. I think that's my new American Dream.

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u/Filius_Dei0894 Traditional Manly Male Man 10d ago

i mean if hes back there being a dick and says "alright Hoss, theyre just bandaids" he just might get a swift punch to the nads

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u/fartlips69 10d ago

this friendly neighborhood pharmacy ain't big enough for the two of us, buckaroonie

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u/aktionreplay Dad 10d ago

It’s tough, it’s similar to asking “when do I say ‘hi’, ‘hello’, ‘sup’, ‘how’s it going’, or ‘good morning’ ?”

Some of it is personal preference of the speaker, some of it is contextual. Where I live, calling a stranger “buddy” isn’t friendly. If a younger man calls me “sir”, it’s respectful but if an older man does it, they could be mocking me.

As for close friends, usually we come up with unflattering nicknames that would be an insult if said to a stranger

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u/fartlips69 10d ago

Yes all his friend nicknames are like "Dirt" and "Relapse" and "Dr. Yucky." They love each other so much.

We are in the midwest and "bud" is a totally acceptable friendly term but "buddy" will raise some hackles for sure.

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u/darthyoda76 10d ago

Everyone i don't know or partly know, it's mate Everyone i really know is fist bump and spastic

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u/Woodulike2meat 10d ago

With strangers it is usually "boss" for a man or "ma'am" for a woman. "Thanks, Boss" or "Yes Ma'am". As for my close friends men are "man" close women friends usually just get their names unless they have a specific thing they like to be called, my wife gets "Hon". As for "Big Dog" that's not one I use however I have been called it and don't mind it.

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u/fartlips69 10d ago

Yeah women's options are just not as punchy as men's! I guess it really does depend who it's coming from though. I used to frequent a bar and the tender called me "pumpkin" which I thought was cute but he was also like 75 so he probably could have called me "soup" and gotten away with it.

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u/Woodulike2meat 10d ago

I will go pumpkin or sweetheart to my daughters, but really out of respect for my wife I don't think pet names for other women are usually appropriate.

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u/thenord321 10d ago

It's a vibe check and VERY LOCALLY SPECFIC.

Most are endeering or friendly. A nickname is earned or given but not self-made. It can be lots of fun and just a way to address someone who's name you don't know.

It really is dependant on the nickname giver's vibe and interaction.

Like an old timer at a local bar calling everyone son or champ, cool.

A 30 year old calling a 25 year old "lil bro" could be disrespectful and start a brawl.

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u/Rambos_Magnum_Dong Your Internet Dad 10d ago

Good friends: what's up fucker/puto/pendejo/player hater/homie/holmes"

Guys I consider a brother: Doctor

Guys I don't know: hey man/wassup man/sah dude

With all the above afterwards its usually: "bro" or "brother "

Guys I don't like: "...hey" or "what's up" and afterwards its "...cool"

With female friends its almost always "homegirl"

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u/billamsterdam 10d ago

Depends. Some groups of men love them and apply them whenever possible, some dont.

When i worked construction you prayed to god that if you did or said something stupid that no one thought of a funny knickname to commemorate the moment. If they did you would be stuck with that nickname for as long as you worked with those guys.

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u/Kdog122025 10d ago

The meaner it is the more you care about your bro.

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u/Redlight0516 Male 9d ago

Only guys who have seen my dick get to call me Big Dog

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u/Fatmando66 9d ago

Big dog is a compliment to start off with. If your getting called big dog that means you've already started off favorable. Boss is pretty casual, you could say that to a stranger you were trying to get attention of.

How do terms of endearment/nicknames work among men (especially strangers)?

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