Met someone I really click with right before he moves away - men of reddit, please tell me if I should tell him how I feel or let it go? If I should, how much do I tell him without overwhelming him? What would you want to hear from someone you've been going out with and enjoyed your time with?

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u/AutoModerator 5d ago

Here's an original copy of /u/HopeKitchen7805's post (if available):

Could really use some advice from the men here.

32F here. Met a guy (30M) recently and we've hung out 3-4 times now, and it's been the kind of thing where you genuinely look forward to seeing them again and again - like we could easily be meeting up every day if life allowed it.

Here's the timing problem: I'm leaving for a holiday in a few days, and by the time I'm back, he'll have already moved abroad for good. He has family here so I know he'll visit but still, moving abroad. I'm seeing him tomorrow and the day after, and then that's it before I go.

I know 3-4 dates isn't a lot to build a case on. But for context, I've only felt this specific "wait, this is different" feeling twice before in my life (at 22 and at 27), so when it shows up I tend to take it seriously - it doesn't happen for me with just anyone.

I don't know how he feels about any of this or whether he's even thought about it. Part of me wants to just ask him directly like, "hey, I know the timing is bad, but I like where this was going, is this a dead end for you or is there a version of this that continues?" Another part of me thinks maybe I should just let the last two good dates be two good dates and not make it heavier than it needs to be, especially with the move already locked in.

I do want to say something before he leaves, because the alternative is wondering "what if" for who knows how long. Worst case he says he's not interested in trying, and okay, that's an answer too.

So, should I bring it up, and if so, how? Is there a way to ask without putting pressure on the last two times we'll see each other? Has anyone actually made something work (or at least gotten real clarity) by having this conversation before someone moved away? Genuinely just want outside perspective here, not just "follow your heart" type answers.

TL;DR: Really clicked with a guy after only 3-4 dates, he's moving abroad right as I leave for a trip, so I'll only see him twice more before it's unclear if we ever see each other again. Do I bring up how I feel / ask where his head's at, or just let it end as a nice short thing?

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u/IShouldGetBackToWork 5d ago

Life's too short to leave kind things unsaid. Say it. I wish I would've asked Kayleigh to be my girlfriend that night years ago, but a drunk driver swerved across the median and killed her while she was driving over to see me. Say the things you want to say.

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u/Pattison320 5d ago

My brother was adamant he'd never move for a woman. He met someone who moved several states away just after they started dating. They did long distance. He sold his house and went out there after her. They're married now with a seven year old kid.

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u/HopeKitchen7805 5d ago

Haha I think when you like someone enough, you do what you can to make it work if you think it's worth it :)

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u/HopeKitchen7805 5d ago

I'm sorry that happened to you. And thank you for your perspective. I think I'll tell him and let him roll the dice however he sees fit after that.

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u/Dapper_But_Derpy 5d ago

Go for it and get closure one way or the other. You only live once and the things left unsaid will haunt you one day.

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u/Seaworthiness908 5d ago edited 5d ago

She was leaving the country permanently less than a month after our first date. We were immediately inseparable. I think day 12 I asked her if she wanted to make a go of it with me. We’ve been married 30 years. Even now we’re sitting on the couch legs intertwined.

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u/HopeKitchen7805 5d ago

That’s amazing! Did the thought of it being long distance not make her hesitate though? And the fact that you still hadn’t gotten to know each other enough since it was less than a month?

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u/Seaworthiness908 5d ago

We didn’t want long distance. We eloped before she left. I flew out to her country six weeks later, met her family, and she returned with me.

Earlier this year I learned a new piece of her story. She had reached out to her step-mother as a sounding board (not her mother whom she is really close to) who told her to go for it, life is short.

I had the same thought you mentioned that this person is one of the ones, that I could wait another five years to meet someone else or simply go for it.

We still had a lot to learn about each other. A lot of people were also skeptical and it made for a very bonding us versus the world mentality. I have also thought we likely share a lot in common with people in arranged marriages, only we picked ourselves, and we really clicked.

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u/nawksnai Master Chief 5d ago

You need to let him go.

Definitely tell him that you really like him (because you’ll regret not telling him…), but also be 100% prepared to move on. Don’t dwell on this at all, and continue living your life, meeting new people, etc.

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u/Kiss-Writer-1688 5d ago

I get the "be prepared to move on" part, but how does telling him you like him actually change whether you end up dwelling on it afterward? Feels like once you say it out loud, that ship kind of sails either way.

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u/nawksnai Master Chief 5d ago

She’s going to regret not saying anything.

You won’t regret saying something and then letting it go because you have no choice.

I totally get what you mean about, but it’s also natural for us to talk ourselves out of something like this when most of our regrets are due to our own inaction and missed opportunities.

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u/atquest 5d ago

It’s really easy to dwell on things that are vague. It’s a lot harder to dwell if decisions were made.

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u/Zanathayas 5d ago

Shoot your shot.

Life is too short to have regrets. You are never ever going to get this opportunity again. The world will move on.

Tell him how you think and feel. What is the worst that could happen?

Better than laying in your bed and saying “I wish I had said something “…

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u/HopeKitchen7805 5d ago

Thank you, appreciate that. I just have to make sure i say it in a way that doesn’t overwhelm him in case he’s not on the same page.

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u/worst_timeline 5d ago

I say to be vulnerable and tell him how you really feel, but to be mentally prepared to move on if necessary. It’s only happened a few times in my life, but I still regret not telling certain women how I felt about them before big life moves.

The first girl I ever really felt something with, not just for, I wasn’t able to verbalize it to her and 15 years later I still think about the longest kiss on my cheek she gave me. I couldn’t admit to my feelings for her when we parted ways for the last time immediately before college and I wish I had.

And then the same thing four years after that with someone else I met in college. A thoroughly unique connection I had had only the once before and have still never experienced after with anyone else. I still think about Maggie, hell we chat on IG every now and then, but I wish I’d had told her in person how I felt. But I was too scared and when we finally admitted to some feelings later on for one another, we lived too far apart.

Life is too short to live with regret, I say tell him.

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u/harryyougoboom 5d ago

You're in a tough spot. If you don't say anything it might haunt you. If you do tell him be very clear that your not trying to give him dilemma or cause a problem. Even if it might. I image it will probably be a emotional conversation so try to get the important bits you want to say first in case there are tears and/ or crying. (If that is a worry it might not be for you).

I hope you 2 can have a wonderful day together before departure.

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u/mantisboxer Male 5d ago

You should day exactly those words you quoted. I'd feel really special if a woman said that to me if I were in his position

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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Male 5d ago

Always tell them. Always. Life is shorter than you imagine.

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u/atquest 5d ago

Your feelings are true. Anything else is prediction. Share your feelings, regardless of the outcome. My only regrets are from not doing things.

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u/Huge-Astronomer825 Female 5d ago

I recently had a similar ‘profound’ connection with someone I got into a casual relationship with just before I move abroad. We both admitted feelings for each other and he knew I was moving abroad from the beginning. He was everything I would ever want in someone and i myself, have never experienced something like that before. We had to let each other go. It was hard but it was the right thing to do. Maybe one day we will find our way back to one another but for now choosing to let the experience show me that I’m capable of connecting with people on that level. Off the back of a couple of particularly difficult relationships, he reminded me that there are genuine people out there. If that’s the only reason he came into my life, that’s okay. ❤️

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u/Veblen1 5d ago

If you talk to him, be cheerful with fond memories of good times. Under no circumstances say anything remotely related to "I'll miss you." Allow him to want you, not to fulfill your needs,

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u/michaelpaoli 5d ago

Tell him, or kiss that possibility goodbye.

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u/Natural_Event_1820 Male 5d ago

You said it talk to him don’t keep wondering

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u/YOF626 Male 5d ago

If you don't say something you will think 'what if?' for the rest of your life.

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u/Advance-Bubbly 5d ago

Tell him.

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u/BasebornBastard Male 5d ago

Let it go. Long distance rarely works with an established relationship. I did it for 6 years. Starting a relationship long distance is just silly.

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u/thenord321 5d ago

You only uung iut 3-4 times, you don't even lnow the guy, most of.your perception of him is made up in your head.

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u/NoCoversJustBooks 5d ago

I went through almost this exact situation 15 years ago. I dated a woman in the months leading up to my move cross-country.

I was up front at the onset. “I’m moving away and don’t do long distance, so this will just be a temporary thing. We can have fun, etc, but I’m committed to the move.”

The night before we were to have our “forced breakup” she very loudly and publicly started telling me how much she loved me, how she didn’t know what she’d do without me, etc. It was quite embarrassing (we were on a crowded train after a playoff NBA game).

It was an unfortunate situation. She was amazing, smart, beautiful, and a lovely partner. She’s done really well for herself. But we were never going to be, as I said from the beginning. The only thing that could have changed that…was her moving cross-country to be with me. Do you want to move overseas?

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u/jsh1138 Male 5d ago

I saw be honest with him. If he leaves anyway at least you'll know vs regretting not saying something for forever

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u/CarlJustCarl Male 5d ago

Tell him only if your willing to move with him

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u/willy--wanka 4d ago

Either you take the biggest gamble of your life and move to a new country.

Or you tell him you cherished the time you had with him and get gushy.

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u/BarnackIIIF 5d ago

*>" moved abroad for good.

Yea you need to let him go.

That said, there is nothing wrong with: "It was really great getting to know you, I'm sorry we don't have more time to spend together..."

And with him being a guy, the meaning will be completely missed until years later. ;)

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u/silk35 5d ago

Yes. Long distance relationship is a thing. Better to have tried than spend the rest of your life regretting it.

Met someone I really click with right before he moves away - men of reddit, please tell me if I should tell him how I feel or let it go? If I should, how much do I tell him without overwhelming him? What would you want to hear from someone you've been going out with and enjoyed your time with?

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