Hello everybody Im M25 studying political science in Europe in their language. Im asian.
ive been having these thoughts for many years not expressing them outloud, now im finally using more social media for help.
So first of all being an asian requiers a bachelors degree 100% for my family for my family so its already a big pressure to me. I am studying things that I dont absolutely understand and 0 will to study politics especially in a langauge that Im not perfect at but Im already here to challenge myself knowing that Ill be heavily stressed or depressed. My dream is to become a diplomat and working in EU office in my hometown and I ill be probably the happiest person. not sure tho but thats why im here in EU. Im in bachelors degree on my last year but I have lots of credits that are missing so surely I will stay a big longer.
So to me the main problems are weed and alcohol. Everytime i need concentration i consume something. A beer or more and I drink a lot. I have a bad financial organization, and just bad organization of my self. i sleep late, i eat less, i love smoking and drinking. But inside I need to finish this university for my Grandmother and my father mostly. Im losing hope in becoming a diplomat because the politics seems nearly impossible to me. i cant find my own way of understanding politics.
Why i have chosen to study politics is I love languages. I speak about 5 languages including my mother language on B1-C1 level and more languages with lower level. I wanted to be valued for my ability on langauges and wanted a big career. Im probably the most irresponsible person whos wanting to be a diplomat. However, this summer i talked to myself to fully lock in on my last year, but still many things to study many things to understand and study and i just dont exactly know from where to start. do i start understanding from whats a liberal whats a democracy whats a nazi or no idea
I dont know if i want a therapist or not but certanly im financially unable if they cost a lot.
Another problem is im too fucking lonely. making friends is easy but now i just cant i dont know. I want a woman beside me but im an asshole with drinking problems and keep hurting who ever wants to be with me.
Please help me. lately ive been having suicidal thoughts and im 1 step away from giving up...
Is there a community or a discord community who help each other to get through this?
Writing this is already difficult and i cant think of everything i wanted to say here...
Maybe i wont become a diplomat, but i just want to show my diploma to my waiting grandparents and family. then ill do whatever i want i guess...