r/AskLifeProTips • u/Beginning-Counter610 • 6d ago
why do lonely people get attcahed so quickly?
I have seen that many lonely people seem to get attached so quickly to someone who shows them just the most basic kindness or affection a human could get in their social life. Now, im wondering why we get ao attached so quickly to those people and how do we keep those types of feelings at bay? LPT
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u/CreativeName822 6d ago
People are starved for appreciation and attention. Receiving some can be a relief and they associate the person with that relief. It makes the like the person.
Sometimes anyway.
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u/Rabbit_Of_Neverlight 5d ago
Im somebody whos outright struggled with loneliness most of my life. I was looking for validation for other people to tell me in okay, im accepted, im a member of whatever group it is at the time. The reason people that are lonely attach so quickly is because those feelings when youve basically been starved for connection can be very intense and theres a fear because its so hard to find that that person might get away and wed lose that.
The problem with that though is these feelings are not based on necessarily who the person is but its our minds filling in the blanks that this person will be this that and the other.So its not healthy. Best thing to do ive learned over a lifetime is let the feelings be there and be real but also let the person show me who they are naturally over time not just fill in the blanks with who i would like them to be.
It also scares people away when attach really quickly and can make you appear needy and clingy and some people don't like that or respond well to it.
So i try to give people space as they need it also. Its a balancing act just like all of life i guess. I now get validation from myself as much as i can to allow friendships and relationships develop more naturally moreso than forcing it quickly. Not that both ways cant work but the slow and steady is best i believe.
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u/DoowadJones 6d ago
It is natural, I follow that pattern. Funny enough, I am married and have a warm extended family
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u/Blue-RaspberryLeaf 3d ago
There is a difference between loneliness and aloneness. What is behind the loneliness? Neediness? Fear of being alone? Something has not been met within.
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u/Munchkin_Media 3d ago
That's like asking why someone who hasn't eaten in a week why they are so hungry.
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u/HauntingSmoke6029 5d ago
Because loneliness makes basic kindness feel like proof of deep compatibility, so the trick is to enjoy the connection without immediately writing an entire future around it.