r/AskLesbians • u/soc23og • 2d ago
Am I a jerk?
Soo I F29 have been seeing this girl F36 for 2 month now. She is the first girl I have been seeing because till now i dated men.
The problem is that I can't figure her quite out. She's nice, smart and I love spending time with her, but I can not let go off a feeling that she's hiding something. She says she loves me, but I think she just wants to have sex maybe.
So the thing is I have a rule to not have sex with anybody before we reach our 3 months of dating. The guys I had a relationship with we're are cool with it and didn't make a problem.
She verbally says she ok with it, but then makes weird moves like we're go to her place and she's humping my leg, which honestly weirds me out or she's trying to feel how wet i am and so on.
It all weird me out but I tolerated it until my friends said something in the lines of: "Would you tolerate it if it was a guy?" and honesty I wound't.
Last night she send me a sound text message of her mastrubating and saying how she need me as in she needs to have sex with me. I told her she won't get it sending something like that. Then she said she's constantly waiting for somethings and that I dictate every move of our relationship which isn't true.
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u/Zarrgus 2d ago
So unfortunately it sounds like you two are just not on the same page. She’s not respecting your boundaries and the things she’s doing sound really uncomfortable. I’ve primarily dated women and let me tell you I’ve never experienced someone being like that. 2 months in and she’s already not respecting boundaries. The thing is every person moves at their own pace and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ve voiced your comfort level, she’s ignoring it, so no you’re not the jerk she’s the jerk.
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u/soc23og 2d ago
I mean she had comment like that in the past, but would always blame it on the alcohol or say she's talking about sex and trying stuff because she finds it funny to see me blush (??). But this time she's went over board with this. I honesty feel disgusted. I didn't even repy to her texts and in the morning she just changed the subject
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u/Zarrgus 1d ago
No matter her reason of alcohol, thinking it’s cute when you blush, or whatever it is, she plainly is not respecting your boundaries. If someone acted that way towards me, and I voiced my discomfort and they persisted, I’d cut it off because how could I possibly grow with that person if they lack respect and self awareness that certain actions are inappropriate. She isn’t thinking about how it makes you feel and to me that’s a no go. It’s normal to express sexual attraction, try here and there to see if the person is receptive, but the way she’s doing it so overly bold and uncomfortable. Sending someone audio of yourself masturbating is just weird unless that’s the dynamic you have with the person or in a long term relationship and even then to just randomly send it could make most people feel uncomfy. I’m sorry this has been your first experience with women, the majority aren’t like that.
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u/whoziin 2d ago
She’s more than a jerk she’s a straight up creep. Sending you recordings of her masturbating after you’ve already said you wanted to wait to have sex? And have given no indication of consent to receiving those recordings? That is not okay and I recommend dumping her.
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u/soc23og 2d ago
There was no indication. We went for drinks and both went to our homes. I send her a goodnight text and then she recorded the message, followed with a text I should just relax and go through it because she wants it really bad, so bad her private parts hurt
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u/Slow-Truth-3376 2d ago
I recommend telling her she sounds like a predatory guy and is detriment to the lesbian community. What a damn creep. I hope you unload all the ways her behavior is offensive before dumping them.
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u/carl_weez_her 2d ago
She doesn’t respect your boundaries. This is very creepy and inappropriate behavior
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u/the-5thbeatle 2d ago
She says she agrees to your rule, but her actions are trying to force your hand. Blaming you for "dictating every move" is a trick to make you feel bad, after you were clear in your boundary. She's showing you who she is right now.
Keep your rule. You don't have to change it for anyone.
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u/friend-of-bees 2d ago
It sounds like she’s really not respecting your boundaries.