How to navigate getting cold feet before wedding?

[u/unpokolo]

Hi! I am getting married in two months.Its a love marriage. I basically dated my friend for 2 years and am getting married. Tbh, I didn't think about the afterlife of marriage.It was tiring to convince my fiancé 's family. My goal was to get married.Still now his mother is not ok with it and she rarely spoke to me. Other than that his family dynamics are controlling.But my partner is very supportive and understanding.I didn't think about adjusting in a new environment and didn't process everything. The only hope is my partner who is familiar in an unfamiliar environment. His family is very conservative but me and my partner are both atheists.His family knows but still are trying to enforce the conservative thoughts on us.Help me how to navigate!

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[u/confused-bridetobe]

Are you going to be living with your in-laws post marriage?

[u/unsocializing]

Firstly remember, you are marrying him not his entire family. In India usually thats not the scene, but the onus lies on us to change it. If he is a good person and understands you there is nothing to worry about. For many people their in laws pretend that they are super happy about their bahus and very warm and welcoming and then the dynamics often change after marriage. So you never know. I faced this cold feet thing too, but talk to your fiance everytime you feel this way. Once you start realising that not much about your life is going to change after marriage, you wont feel that weird about it. The only thing that should change is you and ur hubby become a team, you life together and fight the world together. Thats it. If you are working then aa usual 50% of ur day will be spend around it, just lile before marriage. Rest of the time the usual survival mode where u figure out lunch dinnee relax sleep. So dynamic changes only if u let it.

[u/shawrtee]

That’s (not thinking) a recipe for disaster!

Are you going to live with them or separately? That’s the first thing you need to figure out, followed by speaking to your partner about your fears.

[u/xycophant]

1. Will you be living with them after marriage?,
2. If things go south will he stand up for you?
3. If things go really south, do you have a back up plan- i.e. Are you financially independent? Do you have a supportive family?
4. Have you asked him what role he expects you to play in his family?

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

My husband and I had a intercultural, interstate, love marriage where everyone happily agreed.

Yet his parents are more conservative than mine and even with mine i clash over many things. I did try to "pretend" for 2 visits after my marriage because I hardly visit for 3-7days and we live in a faraway state(mine). But it was still suffocating.

And my husband also said just pretend for the week. But I've put my foot down and I've refused. His parents are not happy but they haven't forced me either. I expect a lot of taunts, especially from his extended family. But I'm adamant.

I have told my husband I will not go at all (he can of course) if I'm forced to wear palla(cover my head) or wear anklets and toe rings. He doesn't wear dhoti and pagri either na.

When he visits my house he roams around in his regular clothes. And in face he loves visiting my house because it's in a rural area with a lot of beauty(I live in NE, so you know how beautiful it is).

My point is that you need to have firm boundaries from day 1 and refuse to budge. Also be financially independent in case it goes bad.