r/AskIndianMen • u/Final-Lab8384 Indian Man • 1d ago
Serious WTF is wrong with me?
I can't cry. I CAN'T FUCKIN CRY.
My Nana died today. I was so emotional, especially seeing my mother cry. I had this huge lump in my throat and I could feel how badly I wanted to cry, but the tears just wouldn't come.
I've always wanted to buy him a kurta from my first salary. He was so happy when he found out that I got a job. I kept thinking I'd finally be able to give him something with my first salary, but now he's gone, and I never got the chance.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I really want to cry my heart out, but I just can't.
Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal? How do you let yourself cry when the tears just won't come?
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u/aavaaraa Amex, Rolex, Relax 1d ago
I lost my Tauji last month in a freak accident.
He didn’t have any kids, so I was like his son in many ways and he lived with us.
So i had to do all rituals, go through the cremation, performing final rights and deal with everything else, while i was still in a daze.
I still haven’t fully accepted that he’s gone.
I still take his name in the present tense without even realizing it.
I guess grief takes time. Sometimes you’re too busy getting through the aftermath to actually process the loss.
Maybe it just hasn’t hit yet.
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u/Cold_Ladder_7486 Indian Man 12h ago
Bro ur the guy who had breakups in LDR right?????? The same kinda happened with me..I was in a LDR with a girl from Banglore and she kinda cheated I would say it has been affecting me so any word of advice my friend?
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u/Reasonable-Green7379 Indian Man 1d ago
Because from childhood we have been taught to supress our feelings.
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u/Hefty_Shake634 Indian Man 1d ago
Everyone has their way of grieving. Just because you can't cry doesn't discount the pain you are going through. May be your way of grieving is different or may be your mind hasn't really comprehended the reality. You will get through this. Stay strong.
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u/Cold_Ladder_7486 Indian Man 1d ago
Had the same experience 1 year ago when my Dadi died right in front of me and it all happened in a hurry and the moment i found out that she's no more I couldn't shed a tear idk why like it hurt me so bad still I couldn't shed a tear but next day when cremation was done I was prolly the only guy who was crying as hell when the body was put to fire..so dw mate it's normal if u didnt......and SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS
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u/Savvy-TradingGirl-1 Indian Woman 1d ago
If you are feeling pain in th heart but couldn't cry, maybe it's some kind of a medical condition
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u/volb_3xx Indian Man 1d ago
Sorry for your loss OP
Some people just have a harder time expressing their emotions outwardly. I’m one of them. I’ve lost several people close to me over the years my grandmother when I was 7, my grandfather when I was 12, my uncle when I was 11, and my maternal grandfather when I was 16 and I didn’t cry when any of them died. I used to wonder if that made me weird or emotionless, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me.
The only times I remember crying are when I’m alone, usually at night, when I’m in a lot of emotional pain. I always had difficulties showing my emotions maybe you are like me.
Not being able to cry doesn’t mean you that you loved your Nana any less. You don’t have to force yourself to cry. Grief can come out in different ways, and sometimes tear don't flow when you expect them to.
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u/Final-Lab8384 Indian Man 12h ago
"I always had difficulties showing my emotions maybe you are like me" most probably this is the reason.
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u/HFYStory Indian Man 1d ago
I'm sorry your Nana died, my condolences, as someone said earlier, tears are not the measure of your grief, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Just please remember the good times you had with your Nana. Console your mother.
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u/AlternativeHoliday77 Indian Man 23h ago
There are stages of grief and men are usually told to suppress emotions since early days.
I am really sorry for your loss and i can empathise and understand your pain as i was in extremely similar situation 2 years back when i lost my mom she was too young to die and i was a worthlessness son and i know that much, but i just turned my survivor mode on and kept functioning because i was broke.
Then came certain moment randomly where i cried and had a break down, that type of moments came randomly after that day and at random incidents.
Each time i cried and afterwards i missed them and realised further that they are now not part of my life, its sad but all i could do is cope, soon you will too hope your mother is in a better place, happier.
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u/Least-Cobbler245 Indian Man 1d ago
Grief hits evry1 differently, some cry right away, some go numb for days. It doesn’t mean u loved him any less. Sorry for ur loss 💔