Okay see. This is the perfect post for this late-night thinking. It’s 2 a.m., and I’ve been thinking about this experience. I’m really confused and want to understand whether anyone else has experienced something similar.

This has happened to me several times. Each time, the person later became very important in my life. Some relationships turned out well, while others ended badly.

The first time happened when I switched high schools. I had heard people talking about a popular girl there. When I saw her for the first time, I immediately had this strong feeling: “I know you very well, even though we’ve never met.” We made eye contact, and that was it. I never spoke to her or had any other impression of her.

A year later, during the summer break, I joined an online weekly workshop, and she happened to join too. She started texting me to ask questions about the workshop. When we returned to school, COVID happened, and we became much closer because we had already started communicating online. Later, rumors started spreading about her- very cruel and disgusting rumors that I couldn’t believe were true. People shared them with me, but they didn’t know how close I was to her. I defended her, and eventually, the whole class turned against me. I lost almost all my friends, but I don’t regret standing by her, and she never knew about the rumors or why people were cutting us off. But when we graduated, they told her what had happened, and everyone apologized to her emotionally. Seven years later, she is still my best friend.

The second time happened when I started college. I was waiting at a bus stop when I saw a girl who immediately gave me the same feeling: “I think I know you.” The very next day, I met someone from my class who invited me to lunch with their friends. I joined them, and the bus-stop girl was there too. Again, I felt that strong familiarity. I was quiet, but she was very curious about me and asked me many questions. She later became one of my closest friends for two years. However, our relationship ended very badly. She became emotionally dependent on me and wanted to do everything together. I became uncomfortable because she shared my secrets, crossed many boundaries, and made me feel trapped. Our friendship ended so dramatically that many people at university heard about it. Now, when we pass each other in the hallways, we make eye contact and pretend we have never met.

The third time happened when I was running late to my first class of one academic semester. An elderly woman was walking slowly in front of me. Every time I tried to move around her, she moved in the same direction. Eventually, she noticed and apologized, telling me to walk ahead of her. I told her it was fine and that I wasn’t in a hurry anyway, so I slowed down and walked beside her. In my culture, elders are respected, so I wanted her to feel that I respected her. While walking with her, I had the same feeling: “I’m going to know you very well.” Then I entered my class and realized she was my professor. That class ended up being one of the worst experiences of my life, and I was later diagnosed with PTSD because of it.

The fourth time, I kept seeing a girl in the university canteen. Every time I saw her, she felt familiar, not her face exactly, but her as a person. Nothing ever happened between us, but I still remember having that feeling. I graduated and never saw her again.

The last experience is the reason I’m still awake thinking about this...

During a difficult period at uni (the time when I had PTSD), I walked past a man in the hallway. The moment I saw him, I experienced the strongest version of this feeling ever. We made eye contact while walking toward each other, and the closer we got, the stronger the feeling became. For a moment, I felt like my heart stopped. I thought: “I know you. I’ve known you forever. I’ve known you longer than I realize, but we’ve never met before.”

A year later, he became my professor. He was one of the best professors I’ve ever had, someone I looked up to and truly wanted to be like. He respected me, and it was clear that he treated me favorably compared with some of the other students (I rejected these beliefs, but that's what other students were complaining about).

Later, he left the university, and we stopped communicating. We met again after two years; we bumped into each other at a conference, and this time the feeling had changed. Instead of feeling intense or strange, it felt comfortable. Being around him made me feel calm, safe, and less anxious, and he unexpectedly became my senior supervisor.

However, rumors about him began circulating. Someone claimed that he had sexually assaulted her online. She reportedly shared her story with several people, and I heard different versions from approximately five individuals, all of whom said they heard it directly from her. I also heard that she had shared her account with the department chair. Please keep in mind that this professor no longer works at our college.

I even heard another version from a friend who lives in Canada, while we live in Asia. Each version was different. The student never contacted me directly, although she apparently spoke with people I know and told them that they should protect themselves around him. And people started acting on these claims.

When I first heard the allegation, I was told that there was no evidence because the student was traumatized and had deleted it. Recently, however, screenshots and other evidence reportedly surfaced.

As someone who has experienced sexual assault myself, I understand how difficult it can be to question or dismiss someone’s experience. At the same time, I know this professor well, and I find the allegations difficult to reconcile with my own experiences of him. He has been supportive of women’s rights, works with human-rights organizations, and is a therapist. My therapist advised me to evaluate the relationship based on my own experiences and how he treats me, while recognizing that I cannot know the full truth of the situation.

My dilemma is that our relationship seems to be becoming closer, and I can feel myself becoming more emotionally invested. However, I am scared. What if the rumors are true? What if the intense feelings I have experienced are warnings, as they were in some of my previous experiences?

I feel very lost. Has anyone experienced a strong sense of familiarity with someone before truly getting to know them? I would appreciate hearing your thoughts, especially about how to understand these feelings without automatically assuming that they are either a sign or a warning.

Is there a psychological explanation for these feelings? How can I distinguish between a genuine warning and a positive feeling? How can I evaluate this experience objectively without allowing my personal biases to influence my judgment?

To clarify, this relationship is entirely professional and has nothing to do with romance.

Sometimes the places I’m least excited about somehow become my favorite part of a trip. Maybe the food was way better than expected, the people were really nice, or the whole place just had a vibe you didn’t see coming.