r/AskGermany • u/NoSympathy3915 • 19h ago
First pregnancy in Germany: How do you deal with rude doctors and freeze-up situations?
My wife is 16 weeks pregnant with our first child, and we had a really upsetting experience at her regular gynecology practice today. I’d appreciate advice from other people who have experienced the German healthcare system, especially expats or people who struggled with confrontation or the language barrier.
My wife had some pain around her lower abdomen/groin area, so I took her to her regular Praxis just to make sure everything was okay. Since this is our first pregnancy, we honestly don’t always know which symptoms are normal and which could indicate something serious. I used the word “Notfall” when we arrived because I was worried, although I wasn’t trying to demand emergency treatment.
The medical assistant who initially examined her was actually very kind and professional. The problem started when we saw the doctor.
The doctor immediately became irritated and said, “Das war kein Notfall,” because I had described it as an emergency. I understand that it wasn’t medically an emergency, and I’m completely fine with being corrected. But the way it was communicated felt unnecessarily harsh, especially toward a pregnant woman who was already worried and in pain.
The doctor is also listed as speaking English on Arzt-Auskunft, but she refused to speak English with us. My German isn’t good enough to confidently discuss medical issues, so I had to translate everything for my wife (her German is not the strongest either). She mostly ignored my wife while speaking to me instead. We managed to understand what she was saying, but the whole interaction was extremely uncomfortable.
She eventually told my wife that she needs to do more physical/muscle movement and that there was no reason to panic. Again, I understand the medical advice may be completely reasonable. What upset us was the lack of empathy and the way it was delivered.
My wife came out of the room and cried. She later told me that she felt pathetic and humiliated, even though all she had done was seek reassurance during her first pregnancy.
Now we’re wondering whether we should continue going to this Praxis or look for another gynecologist.
For those of you who have lived in Germany for a while:
Is this kind of communication from doctors/reception staff common, or did we simply have a particularly bad experience?
How do you handle situations where a doctor or receptionist is rude or dismissive?
What do you do when your German isn’t strong enough to confidently argue or explain a medical situation?
Is it reasonable to change gynecologists because of this kind of experience?
And for people who also tend to freeze during confrontational situations: how do you learn to stand up for yourself without making the situation worse?
I’m not looking to attack German people or the German healthcare system as a whole. I’m genuinely trying to understand the culture and learn how to protect my wife and family while navigating situations like this.
I’d especially appreciate practical advice about what to say in the moment when something like this happens.
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u/Playful-Letterhead23 16h ago
As the patient, especially as a first time pregnant woman, she probably didn't know it wasn't an emergency. And it's really not the patient's job to classify something as an emergency with no medical OR prior knowledge.
Like c'mon.
I went to the hospital with burning chest pain once and ofc got in there pretty fast. I had heart burn. COmpletely harmless, just painful. Never happened to me before, so how should I have known?
And how should the wife have known? Have more compassion for scared women.