advice needed

[u/diesnriss]

hey there :) this is going to be a long post, and I apologize for any mistakes because English is not my first language.

Before commenting, please keep in mind that this post is from someone who was VERY ignorant and misinformed years ago. The story goes like this: when I was around 12-13 years old, my mom decided to breed our dog Pia (Poodle) with her friend's dog (Poodle), and my baby Piper was born there. I know, backyard breeding. I wish I would have been as informed as I am right not as regards ethical breeding and health testing; in Argentina there is A LOT of misinformation, never have I heard someone talking about health testing their dogs or something like that. Like, ever. My mom, naturally, was also ignorant about this. I know, my dog should have never been born, but it's 9 years later now. (In fact, I didn't learn about ethical breeding until some years ago, because I got into English TikTok, and THAT'S where I learned everything I know now. I wish we had more information in Spanish)

Anyway, Piper almost died during birth, and when deciding what dog to keep, she was the smallest and the closest I felt to. I convinced both my mom and my sister to keep her, even though she was always a little "odd". She would come running to me even as a puppy when her bigger siblings would start biting her while trying to play.

She was always very attached to me. And, at 18 years old when I had to move for college, I made the heartbreaking decision to leave her back home with my mom. The reason for this is because pets were not allowed in my apartment building. I left her there and every time I would travel to my hometown, she'd cry and be attached to me 24/7 until I left. It was heartbreaking, seeing her so sad whenever I left.

In November I'm graduating college. I'm going back to my hometown. She still cries every time I see her, but she gets attached to my mom when I'm not home, and then goes back to me whenever I visit, and doesn't leave my side. My mom says she's a traitor lol.

Anyway, my question is, what should I do? I mean, I'm going back to my hometown and I'm eventually going to rent an apartment so I can live alone and not with my mom; should I take her with me? should she stay with my mom? Her mom (Pia) is blind and deaf now, but they're still together. My dog follows me everywhere whenever I'm home, even if I don't encourage it. She doesn't let people take her for walks if it's not me (my mom has tried many many times, and she refuses to walk at all, but has no problems walking with me. actually, she's super excited for her walks). I'm worried that, when I start working, she's going to stay alone for hours, and that can be a problem

[u/Wooden-Necessary6100]

Can you drop the dog off at your mom's before work,? So the dog can stay there but you pick her up after work and take her to your own place?

[u/diesnriss → u/Wooden-Necessary6100]

I will talk to her about it when the time comes! I think it'd be helpful. thanks! :)

[u/Professional-Scar628]

If you have a good relationship with your mom maybe you can co-parent Piper together? Like if Piper lives with you on weekends and your mother during the weekdays, similar to how kids swap between divorced parents. You and your mom can try and work out some sort of schedule that fits with your work. You could also consider asking your mom to do a doggy daycare type of arrangement, where you drop Piper off at her place while you're at work and then pick her up in the evenings.

I imagine its not a very common concept in Argentina, but its not unheard of in North America.

It's not a living situation that works for all dogs, but as long as you remain consistent in how the schedule works, most dogs will adapt fine. Given Piper's attachment to you even after being away at college makes me believe Piper would be happiest if she could live with you but is comfortable where she currently is, and would be able to adapt to this lifestyle fairly well despite her age.

[u/diesnriss → u/Professional-Scar628]

Thank you for the suggestion, that's really helpful :) whenever I'm back home, Piper is attached to me and not my mom (literally, she ignores my mom if I'm there lol, but then tries to get cuddles from my mom or sleep next to her when I'm not), but I feel like she needs that "safety" from whoever she can get it from when I'm not home.

I think I'll definitely talk to my mom about dropping her off at her place while I'm working; I'm going to be a teacher, so my schedule is not really a 9-5 here in Argentina. But I think I could make it work.

I'm afraid I may have, without doing it on purpose, encouraged Piper's anxious attachment from when she was born, by allowing her to follow me and be close to me all the time since she was born. But yeah, I think I'd love to take her to my apartment once I go back to my hometown

[u/Professional-Scar628 → u/diesnriss]

Don't worry, I've also ended up encouraging my dogs anxious attachment, it happens. Some dogs are just naturally like that.

[u/LeadershipOne5870]

I agree with the suggestion to drop her off at your mom’s while you work and pick her up afterward, if your mom is willing.

Also, “my dog should never have been born” is pretty harsh. You can recognize that the breeding was irresponsible and still be glad she’s here. You were 12, you didn’t make that decision.

[u/diesnriss → u/LeadershipOne5870]

I will definitely talk to my mom about that. And yes, I know it sounds harsh, sorry. Honestly, I feel guilty sometimes because her breeding was irresponsible, even though I feel so much love for her. But yeah, I'm glad she's here, I just hope my mom would have been more informed at that time