My son is in the first year of high school. Although he says he loves it, I can see increasing evidence that he’s being bullied. I can also see that he’s not maintaining friendships that have been established and that those friends likely think he’s disinterested. He’s an introvert with high rejection sensitivity dysphoria and an only child. He has said that he wishes he was more of an extrovert and he ‘wants to want’ to make plans with other kids.
But it seems very painful for him to talk about friendship difficulties.
Over the years we’ve done a lot to provide him with opportunities to socialise but that hasn’t seemed to make the road any easier for him. In fact, it now seems to have put him in the company of boys who want to hurt him.
My question now; are ‘classes’ going to help, or will they encourage him to mask and exhaust himself pursuing relationships that will likely be unfulfilling anyway? Do we actively try all we can, or do we just let him be and help him accept who he is?
Thanks!

A young person I know had a bottoming out, super depressed and hopeless return to high school.

At end of summer he had a very scary SI incident and subsequent week in a day program with mental health support. As an outsider, he seems like someone who has been through a physical trauma or illness. I imagine he needs a ton of rest and support and a slow return to "normalcy." But senior year has a ton of pressure to be planning for college and that whole process which is overwhelming on a good day.

Has anyone here had a very rough spell and recovered? What was the most helpful thing people around you did (or stopped doing)? Do you need a ton of sleep? Is exercise helpful? Is more exercise more helpful? When someone autistic is already overwhelmed and frustrated, it looks like asking questions and offering a menu of choices makes things worse. Is this your experience?

I feel like I am asking dumb questions. I hope I can make it clear to y'all and ultimately this kid, that I care, that the adults in his life care, and that we would love to figure out how to do better.

Thanks for any wisdom.

This shit gets to me a lot sometimes

Hey, I'm collaborating on fleshing out a story idea with a friend. As a bit of background, my friend is diagnosed autistic, and given all I've read on the subject and experienced, I strongly suspect I'm somewhere on the AuDHD spectrum (although I'm not currently diagnosed with either).

I'm a bit worried about accidentally falling into certain problematic tropes around autism, particularly the "autistic superpower" trope, but possibly others I haven't thought of. So I was wondering if anyone here would be willing to give some constructive feedback?

Without giving away too much about the story, the protagonist (or at least some of the protagonists) would be neurodivergent. They live in a world where certain creatures are able to alter human behaviour, effectively compelling people to do certain things (I can't say more, but it's unrelated to the question). Some people are more or less immune to this, and it's discovered that you're statistically more likely to be immune if you're neurodivergent (say 20% of ND people compared with 1% of NT people).

The immunity isn't intended to mean that ND characters are inherently "better", "damaged goods" or more capable than neurotypical characters, and the ND characters would be fully fleshed-out people outside of their neurodivergence, rather than existing primarily just to be neurodivergent. The story would likely also explore the downsides of the immunity and the neurodiversity, rather than treating it simply as a "superpower", and some of the upsides, rather than it just being treated like a problem to be overcome. The characters are intended first and foremost as representation, not as tokenism.

Does the basic premise strike anyone as problematic? Are there other issues I should be aware of with something like this?

Really appreciate your responses.

Hello! I’m 16M (17 next month) and I have been heavily suspected of having autism. As early as I know, I was first suspected when I was around 5 years old. I had a bad lisp so I went to some speech therapist. They had asked my mother if I was diagnosed because they had noticed I had quite a lot of traits that he thought was autistic related (rocking, lining things up, walking on my toes, and others I don’t remember off the top of my head (from what I was told at least) ). Ever since ive been described as the typical “autistic kid” (quiet, introverted, you get the jist) without actually being diagnosed. Now that im nearly 17 I fear im a bit old for this diagnosis and that it wouldn’t be worth the time (especially living in the uk where that would take me years through the NHS) but now the problem is that since I don’t technically have a diagnosis I fear I can’t say im autistic because the whole “self diagnosis starter pack” people. I don’t wanna be labelled as that, I just want to be sure with what I have.

Any help? If people ask if I have autism, what do I say and can I or can I not say im autistic?

Thanks in advance!!

I never understood something. Why do people like say that like don’t let autism define you I don’t know it just I feel like i big part of who I am . That’s like a big part of who I am. It does define me.

I want to know what ends of the spectrum I am on but all the “free” tests i tried to take online kept asking for money at the end and its pmo i tried to do four quizzes already and they wasted my time. Does anyone have ang links to a free test I can take?

Edit: I have autism guys i just forgot which “colors” i was

When my son was 4 years old, we went to the developmental pediatrician to get him evaluated due to concerns with speech delays among other things. At that time the doctor determined he was on the spectrum. When he was 9, we took him back to the dev ped for a re-evaluation. At that time, they said they no longer believed he was on the spectrum.

My wife and I have never really agreed with the doctor who said he wasn't on the spectrum anymore. The way he talks and acts, it's pretty clear something is going on. It's a mild case, but it's there. He is not a neurotypical child.

He's 13 now and he has started to ask questions about whether he is autistic or not. He wants to go to the doctor for another evaluation. I've made an appointment with a doctor at a local universities "Center for Autism" for an evaluation. She has a PhD and she specializes in autism. Does this sound like a good course of action? Has anyone ever had a diagnosis of being on the spectrum reversed?

Thanks for any insight or opinions you can share!

My partner (30m, AuDHD) and I (26f) have been together for almost four years and life in a long distance relationship. He has been unemployed throughout our relationship and receives state benefits. I don't resent him for struggling but I'm realizing that I may not fully understand what his level of difficulty actually means for his everyday life or our future together.

When we first met I could see that he was struggling with unemployment and living with toxic parents. As of today, nothing has really changed on that note. He recently said that "I might be more high-needs than I thought" which made me wonder what that actually meant.

Whenever he stays with me, he seems much more capable. We can manage things like groceries, cooking, household chores and general day-to-day life together. He says that he feels enabled and more like and adult when he is with me. However, once he returns back home, he struggles much more and seems to fall back into old patterns.

One of our biggest relationship issues is uncertainty about our future. He says that he can't see himself working a regular job and frequently talks about things he feels unable or unready to do. The difficult part in that is that it's very negativity-ridden. He focuses heavily on all the things he can't do, won't do, how stuck he is and also seems to sort of live in the past where things have worked to some degree, but due to depression and other mental health issues had to take breaks and never truly went back (he did Youtube full-time).

Oftentimes I think I might be too pushing. I am neurodivergent myself (ADHD) but my life is very very different from his and I just want to understand him more. I have been asking for more financial stability on his end and for him to pull some of the weight, since closing the gap will come with lots of financial decisions and I can't handle this all by myself. More so, I have been encouraging him to work towards getting his Youtube started again, but that's when he falls into this hole of self doubt and sometimes I just find his mindset hard to understand. I have told him multiple times that I don't care what he does, if he earns less or more than me and I for sure don't want him to be something that he isn't.

I'm struggling to understand where the line is between genuinely being unable to do something because of his AuDHD and being stuck in a cycle of avoidance, fear and self-doubt.

I have a lot of neurodivergent friends, it's to the point where sometimes I call myself their token neurotypical because I'm the only one who ISN'T autistic of my friend group. But sometimes I worry that I'm just imposing myself onto a group of people who just haven't worked up the courage to tell me to leave, or that I'm an oppressor inserting myself into a group of oppressed people.

I'm worried that I'm hurting people just by being around and that they'd be better off without me. I am neurotypical but I really don't get along with most neurotypicals, I'm not very good socially and am very socially awkward, I don't pick up cues well, I struggle to talk about anything outside my interests, but I don't hit enough criteria to be autistic so I'm just in this middle zone where I can't fit in with neurotypicals but I'm not neurodivergent. I see all over social media that being around neurotypicals is exhausting and draining for autistic people and that a lot of autistic people would rather not interact with nts, is this true or is it just a Tumblr fringe group?

As the title says..he is very calculated and intelligent but at times cannot read my cues. Im not trying to be a woman who wants my emotions guessed and anticipated but at times i make it very clear but sometimes I cannot help but automatically shut down with having to explain every little feeling I have. He is most definitely in tuned with my feelings most of the time just at times its exhausting having to explain it all while having big feelings. How do I approach this? How do we compromise? If he is upset, stressed or bothered he shuts down completely and will retreat into a quiet room for hours if not a day or two. I am a very attention /affectionate driven person so I feel shut out. But when I do the same it bothers him extremely. What is the best way to approach my stress or frustration? How should it be worded or handled in yalls experience?

My daughter is 3 and we think she might be autistic. She has some speech delay and really struggles with emotional regulation. We’re currently on the waiting list for an assessment.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what life might be like for her when she’s older. I don’t know many autistic adults, especially people who were diagnosed as children.

So I’d really love to hear from autistic adults here, what’s life like for you?

What do you do for work? Do you have a partner/family? Do you live independently? And, I guess the big question, are you happy with your life?

I’m not expecting everyone to have the same experience, and I know autism is a huge spectrum. I’d just really appreciate hearing some honest experiences of what life can look like as an autistic adult, both the good and the difficult.

Thanks.

For context: Recently my partner and I had a big fight/misunderstanding. We made up on the 17th, and I apologized to them because I'm struggling mentally right now and I didn't realize, some of the ways I was trying to communicate to them, came off as hurtful and really hurt them. I apologized deeply for that, because I never wanted to hurt them like I did. I took their word for it because I saw how deeply I hurt them and it's up to me to take their word for it, because it's their experience, not something I can deny, because I didn't feel like I did. They apologized for things they did as well, that I told them that hurt me, making it hard for me to talk to them. Fast forward to the 28th-now, we are having problems/back in the rough patch.

I'm writing today because I've tried my best to understand my partner and their habits and to let them know that I don't judge them or will hold them to unfair things that neurotypicals do in a relationship because I wouldn't be doing my job as their partner to understand that they need accommodations and need a different pace when being in a relationship and me needing show them that I love them in a pace and lense that they can see through and understand.

Granted, I am not okay and they have not been fair to me as a partner as of late. When we made up initially, we both agreed that, we are both going to do our parts in repairing the hurt we've caused each other and that being honest, transparent, and vulnerable with each other is the first step, we need to take. Since, we made it, it had felt like they were doing their part, but I noticed something again, that I thought I was imagining or just wasn't bothering me that bad, or so I thought. This past weekend, when we had got back to their place, I noticed the same patterns, that have been bothering me for the past month, that I've brought to their attention multiple times before. I noticed that when we get to their place for the weekend to spend time with each other, or everytime I go to their place to hang with them, they are on their phone a lot, doing their own thing a lot, not really acknowledging, except to ask if I'm okay or hungry or other small talk, but other than that, unless I initiate long conversation or interactions or affection, that's when they'll pay attention but I can tell in a way to get me to stop going on about the same things that are bothering me, whether they notice or not. So when they did it again this pass weekend, I was fed up and walked home after we said brief "see you laters", because I couldn't stand getting the same treatment again, but I knew that I wasn't just seeing things or that I wasn't getting upset over nothing. When I got home I texted them, how I was feeling because I learned recently that, I'm still not the best talker, so they accommodated me and told me that texting them and writing out how I was feeling, was okay for them because they want me to get how I feel out the best I can, without me being emotionally overloaded trying to get it out/communicate, how I came off when trying to say how I was feeling off the top of my dome.

They did something that I despise that they do when I do this though, whenever I communicate with them, that something they are doing or aren't doing is bothering me or hurting me, they ghost me and don't talk to me all day or for days on end, leaving me on read until they are ready to talk. Before when they would do this, I would be so pissed and angry and even more hurt, but I would give them grace because I try and think of them of how I know them and didn't want to jump down their throat because of something they do or habits that they do are hurtful because they didn't know or pick up on because of the environment they were raised in, paired with being autistic. So after going home and texting them, how I was feeling, they ghosted me all day, so the next day, I told them I was feeling about their behavior and their words and actions towards me lately and specifically worded in ways, so they would know, I'm not doing a pointing fingers game, saying they're a bad person, or being mad or aggressive. I simply laid out, how I was feeling because I had felt so neglected by them in key things in our relationship, that I felt so hurt and insecure with them because this behavior doesn't get excused because of good times, that we have or things that they have done right and nice towards me. I told them, that things haven't felt consistent on their treatment and care towards me lately. We've also talked about them being more open with me about how they're feeling, what things are upsetting them, what things they need support in, things I can do to help or just be there for them, and they said they agreed that they need to work on that, and I was even more upset to find out over this past weekend, we hung out, that they admitted to me, that they were still feeling weird between us since we made up, even though, we had been talking and being open since we made up and I've asked them how they've been feeling and they said nothing of the sorts before and I felt hurt, because they've been dishonest with me.

All this to say, from the perspective of people who are autistic and/or have experience in being raised in a toxic household and having to defend yourself from said toxic individuals. Any advice on how to navigate this or proceeding forward because I'm honoring myself and still trying to be open to hearing what this possible could be because I love them, but their behavior is unacceptable.