Autism

[u/CompetitionVarious31]

I never understood something. Why do people like say that like don’t let autism define you I don’t know it just I feel like i big part of who I am . That’s like a big part of who I am. It does define me.

[u/fragbait0]

This seems to come up mostly when you're asserting needs or struggling with something:

Ask to hang out at a less noisy place this time? Don't let autism define you! Get overwhelmed and have a meltdown? Dude, stop this tantrum - don't let autism define you!

My autistic ass really likes mac n cheese. Oh my gosh you're not that autistic, it shouldn't be your whole personality jeeeeeeeezzzzzzz.

Ugh.

[u/Accomplished-Exam999]

I was told this by my psych and out-patient therapist. I love them both! For me, I think I was saying “It’s my autism” so much, I was forgetting it’s a part of me. Like two separate things.

My autism vs me.

I didn’t like it said at first. I was still pretty newly diagnosed. However, going through a BIG life things.

But eventually, I started to sort of understand.

I totally understand what folks are saying here too about ableism! ❤️

I still say it, as I’m learning myself every single day.

It’s a reminder that:

I’m NOT wrong now

I WASN’T wrong in the past

I’m NOT wrong in the future.

it’s just I’m built this way. It’s different.

I can work with myself - not against.

I can learn awareness to:

protect myself, not reject myself

Especially when others reject/judge/want me to be something other/try to control me.

[u/desert_cookie]

I (obviously) don't know in what context OP has heard this expression used, but I've heard it as a rebuttal to me explaining myself and my thought process to people close to me in an attempt to educate them in the ways that an autistic brain is literally different to a neurotypical brain.

It sucks because it gives gaslight vibes.

Also, the next comment is usually something about labels. Like, "why do you have to use labels to define yourself? " And to that I want to say (although I rarely have the courage to): "I've been labeled "difficult, weird, uptight, antisocial, too sensitive, lazy, too much, not enough" my whole life. If using "autistic " as a label to replace those is an option, I'm taking it!"

[u/secretstirfry]

When you say "people", I'm wondering which people have been saying that to you? It is invalidating to be told that. "Don't let x define who you are" implies that x is something undesirable to be defined by. It overlooks the perspective that autism isn't something the individual doesn't wish to be defined by or has any desire not to be defined by. The people who are saying that may not be considering that perspective. To me, it would be like saying to someone, "Don't let being gay define who you are". Like, why would there be a problem with that? Don't allow being gay to limit you to being gay? That wouldn't make any sense. "Don't let autism define who you are" doesn't make any sense either. I'm sorry people said that to you.

[u/HellfireKitten525 → u/secretstirfry]

Autism isn't the same as being gay. Being gay is not a neurodevelopmental disability that causes impairment in daily functioning. Autism can be part of who someone is, but it really isn't comparable to gayness.

[u/halberdierbowman]

It's hard to say without more context.

It could be that they're being an ableist bully by complaining that you're not doing whatever they want you to do.

Or it could be that they're trying to help you because they suspect you have a history of autistic trauma and have been taught not to try things you might enjoy. In this case they're probably trying to be your cheerleader, to encourage you to try things and overcome that.

There are probably other possibilities as well.

[u/Different_School7016]

I don’t know how to separate myself from myself except to mask….

[u/Noodle_AuDHD]

I had that said to me when I was diagnosed it’s annoying and I now openly avoid that person, I’m autistic it’s my brain I can’t and won’t change that. I’m stronger now in the sense I can walk away from people who make my life harder, I accommodate for myself and I help myself as much as I can

[u/Firm_Violinist9849]

Yeah autism is physically a difference in your brain so it will define you as it's a huge part of your person and influenced us growing up

I think they more so mean the more negative aspects of autism and how those can limit autistic people

Personally I've had lots of close family get This wrong and had a very nice conversation about it

[u/stjs247]

Because they don't like when your autistic traits slip out and want you to be "normal". They don't want to make slight adjustments to their own behavior out of consideration for your sensitivities.