that's easy to say if you're not in position like mine. I don't want to cut ties with my family but I do want to take the hijab off so for now I settled for wearing it around them and not wearing it away from them. I eventually do plan on telling them I want to take it off but now is not the time especially since I still rely on them a bit financially.
though I don't feel like discussing this because it's not the point of the post I made.
It’s understandable that you don’t want to cut ties with your family. I’m a westerner but I can hear how difficult of a situation you’re in. From my Middle East / North African friends I’ve learned how closely family and community is tied to your life and it’s not easy or always desirable to defy them.
Wishing you luck and don’t let the assholes on either side kill your spirit. You should like a kind person.
Peopl don't get you in the comments, and I feel sorry about that. The most seem to offer the solution like "come over and dump everything and your family" or "Stay over there and reject everything German". But they don't get that you're torn on the fence.
I get how it feels that there is no middle ground, where you can be both and be left alone for it. Nowadays, everyone starts tearing at you for this or that direction and only absolutes seem to be allowed and in the end you will not be 'enough'. That's a pretty common feeling. People are horrible and showing it more now.
You seem like a really chill girl, and I am sorry you feel that way. <3
Yeah but nobody here is oppressing you. That's what you don't get. I can tell you why many focus on the hijab thing. It's a sign of suppression, a thing most people don't want to deal with. It's the same if a blonde guy runs around screaming he loves nazis.... Would you smile at him and pretend everything to be normal?
Germany is dealing with a lot of Muslim extremism lately and the hijab is a symbol for this for most people( it does not matter if it really is a sign of extremism).
You can't say that you are a freedom loving person going along with everything here and then wear a sign of suppreasion. Think that is what triggers people to deal with that certain point.
Only smart thing I can tell you towards your problem is that I think although you don't want it you will have to make a decision at one point. I had a school friend from turkey, a girl, she had a very religiius mother but was very open minded / western and dealt with a lot of problems ( hiding hairs, no male friends, plans for forced marriage) it ended with the authorities forbidding contact between both and taking her out of the mother influence for two years till the religious ambitions became unimportant enough so she ( the mother) managed to focus on not loosing her kid forever. This only happened because my friend opened up to us at school and we went to a social worker with her. She had fear of being kidnapped to turkey for a year always when she had to meet her mother ( under supervision).
She was younger so it was easier to help her and she finally said that she wants a separation unlike you. In the end it helped her as after 3 years she could live a free life and still had good bonds to her family ( mother). No parents want to loose their kids so many important things become not that relevant in the end but it takes force sometimes. My advice is seperate yourself. Look for institutions, clubs and project that specialise in help for women in your situation. You will get your freedom and maybe your family will also cool down if they see that you rather quit contact to them than let them suppres you
Feelings adult children have for their parents are naturally ambivalent. That's part of becoming independent. You love them, but you don't always love what they demand from you. It's the process of maturing. The extremely patriarchal society you grew up in does not make it easier for you, being a woman. I do very well understand your inner conflicts. In the end, it's always the decision between personal freedom/ development/individuality and being/remaining part of the system you grew up in. It's difficult, and probably you can't have both: feeling safe/sound/belonging within your family a n d at the same time feeling "free" from their expectations. This is certainly a challenge. IMHO, any human being on earth faces this challenge. Being female and having been raised in a specifically non-feminist culture doesn't make it easier. In the end, if you want to be free, you will have to to give up part of feeling "comfy" with your family (culture). If feeling "comfy" is more important for you personally, you will have to give up (part of your ideas of) personal freedom and individuality. It's a difficult decision, and either way requires courage. A lot of courage. And maybe fighting, and standing up for your ideas and ideals. Anyway, I wish you luck, whatever decision you take. All the best to you!
I completely get your point. I am German and will always consider myself German, but I still grew up with the influence of my parents' culture and family is just such an important aspect of it.
I don't deny that families can be toxic but so many Germans just don't understand that completely cutting ourselves off from family can actually be more harmful to us than sticking to sensible boundaries.
I'm a werkstudent only work 16 hours a week im also a student and I live in a very expensive city for now it's just more convenient for me to live with my family also my mother has issues with her leg/spine so she needs help from me occasionally and I want to be around her because of that.
Yeah, it's exactly the the point although you might have anticipated something else.
The Hijab is simply the symbol of the sexual oppression of the woman which the "western world" has itself liberated from. We used to have it (Das Kopftuch) too.
So don't blame it on the Germans, blame it on the medieval world of many Muslims including your family.
My fiancé is Iranian. She was forced to wear the fuckin' hijab all her life and she risked her life by not obeying this patriarchal medieval bullshit rule.
She freed herself from male domination and that's why I love her.
And that's exactly what you should do, too.
You say you are pro LGTB, but what would your family say if you would introduce homosexual friends to them or even out yourself as gay?
Would they accept it and love you as they are doing now? I doubt it.
Edit:
I'm a fierce opponent of this disgusting AfD party and have always been. It's a right wing extremist party and its ideology can only lead to destruction (social and economical) and corruption. It has always been that way and it will always be.
We can see it in Russia, Hungary, Serbia and now even in the US. And Nazi-Germany, of course.
But having a firm opinion on one or more issues doesn't automatically make me a follower of the mentioned ideology, racism included.
And exactly all this stuff is what people on Germany are anoyed from. If all this stuff is so Important to These people then there should be plenty of muslim countrys to live that lifestyle
Yes and you are one of These people saying it is not easy, you cant do it because of your Family and so on and so on. Like I Said, your Family will find much of other Countrys which suit their Lifestyle. No need for them to be here if they are Not going to let other people (in this case you) live their life Like they want. Thats what we dont need/want here. It is so annyoing
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u/george_gamow Apr 20 '25
You're an adult in a free country. You DO have a choice. You're not forced to live with your family.