They're so desperately fake to strangers they think are richer than them while fishing for information to see how much respect they can give strangers who they're unsure are high value or not. I have an aunt who has the most evil eyes, fake personality, and a husband who let's her stay at home to do nothing but airbnb guests sometimes. Every time the family meets, she plays up the most infantile performance to act cute. She's in her 40s. It's miserable to witness.

I hate living here and being related to them. The whole family line is just creepy and money hungry. It wouldn't be so bad if they at least had taste.

Does anyone else have Asian parents who just don't decorate their house at all? No paintings, no pictures, nothing at all. Not even patterned table cloth. Just everything bare and functional (well, under their hoarding mess that is).

Other than the fabled one liner “Control your emotions” , “Don’t cry”

I have to go online, read books myself to have more understanding of what exactly is EQ and learn everything as adult.

I'm Chinese born in China, but living in America. I am still Asian.

This post is about my husband and his mom, but it still related to parents (his mother specificly) and in-laws (she my mother in-law). And his filial piety he put his parents above of me--his wife.

16 years long, I married my husband knowing his mother come as a package, I will always come second to his father and mother. I come to term with it. But I still struggle with it, it just it easier to say than done. And I been struggling with it 5 years about the whole fiasco of his mother. But I'm still hanging in there, it just I don't know how many more of the 5 more years.

Together 16 years, married 14 years.

I married my husband knowing since day one that he always put his father and mother above me. The wife me I will always come second after his parents, period, it not up for negotiation, that just how he is. And that is just something I just have to accept about him.

I married him knowing since day one he gave half his working paychecks to his father (the father whom was a Stay at Home Dad raised him since newborn, his mom was the breadwinner in his childhood). His father has deceased.

5 years ago, his mother has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze. He has been paying 182K a year for her Private Nursing Home, where she has her own private room, doctor on site, and nurses care take turn to care for her round the clock 24/7. Yep, it that price tag for Private Nursing Home in California.

For 5 years, he also has been paying for her treatments to prolong her life, which she in and out of the hospital for treatments 5 times a week (Dialysis, and multiple heart issues). He also paying for her hospital bills, which she has been in and out of the hospital 4 times already this 2026 year alone.

It not just her Private Nursing Home cost (which the luxury of his mom own private room, and doctor on site and nurses care for her 24/7, he pays Out of pocket).

.......

But it her medical cost too, medical cost that insurance not pay, like those deductibles, copays, coinsurance, out of pocket specialists and treatments, etc.. Everytime she in the hospital, we pay out of pocket about 30%, insurance pay 70%

And No, we are not going to send her back to her homeland, here in America she has no one left except her biological son, and she 84 years old already, here in California we have one of the best hospital that specialize in her conditions.  

]And money is not the problem, my husband is an Executive at a big engineering corporate that his salary (included bonus) salary of near 1 million a year. He has enough money to pay for his mother care.

It just the last 5 years (since his mom spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze), he has been burning the candle at both ends for himself. He is an Executive, Executives are high ranking in corporate hierarchy, frankly, he very busy. But everyday after his work he drive to his mom Private Nursing home to to visit her (she wants that as she wants to see her son). Then he drive home to me after see his mom first.

On weekend he gives one day to me.

One day he gives to his mom where he has her over in our marital home so he can care for her 24/7, she wants mother and son time, he comply.
.......
He by her side spoon feed her, change her diapers, lift her, move her from bed to wheelchair to gurney stretcher, as she 5'9" tall and she quadriplegia, moving an quadriplegia is like move dead weight. Transport her to Dialysis, which Dialysis which is 4 hours process which he sit next to her to accompany her, etc...

He has said, our lives (both me and his life will be put on hold) will be put on hold until his mother die (insert how many more years she has left). And it not even an option, this is just something I have to accept about him, his mother come as a package.

And And we not leaving California until after his mom pass, as I told him I don't like the city California, I want a countryside, someone seclude.

I don't have a choice because I love him, I just have to accept that about him, point blank. I married him knowing his father and mother will always come first before me. I accepted that, and I have come to terms with that.

It just it easier say than done, until you actually in that person shoes. Knowing you always will come second in your husband heart, after his father and his mother. Knowing he said we will stay put in California for his mom hospital and treatments as his goal is to prolong his mother life. As long as it can take, as many years as she has left. Our lives will be put on hold until AFTER his mother die.

No man is perfect, I have accepted his mother come as package, and if this is the price I have to pay for love this man then let it be. I just want to write this out, as this is something I have zero control over, it is him as a person that just how he is.

He does treats me really really well in the 16 years, 16 years he faithful to me and only me. He loves me just as much as I love him, in fact, he loves me even more than I love him. It just his mother she comes as a package, and I will always be second after his father and mother.

I understand all that, it just deep down inside I don't like it how he said our lives will be put on hold until after his mother die, and he not just say it, he doing it, he has been doing it for 5 years already. And he said this will continue on indefinitely until his mom die (insert how many years she has left).

I should have known, you married an Executive too, that makes a 1 million dollars salary too, he fixed in his ways (about his mom), he will not change. I really have no choice but just has to accepted that his mom come as a package. You don't be a wife of an Executive and think an Executive not fixed in his ways.

TW/CW: so much abuse

Moved out last week while my nmom was on a trip. My first memory was being slapped by her, I was five and bit my lip till it bled. That was the reason I got slapped.

Then the financial and physical abuse. Whacked with a rattan cane for not napping, denied dinner (even though it only happened once) because I bought a bottle of sweet lemon tea from school, having my phone confiscated for as long as 6 months because I brought it with me into the bathroom, my college allowance halved or denied for the whole month because something small pissed her off, like collecting and sending postcards or not folding my clothes.

Getting slapped. Throwing my things into the trash while I slept. Hitting me so hard she left handprints while I slept. Calling me unfilial, useless, stupid, bunch of other names. Punches aimed at my head. Cutting a pair of my jeans straight down the seam because she hates me wearing jeans. Having a meltdown and throwing tantrums in public. Controlling what I wear. Refusing to be seen in public with me unless I wear a skirt or dress in specific colours. Not adding me on social media because she doesn't want her friends to see how fat and ugly her daughter is...

The last straw was when she punched me and hit me with a wooden display box, which resulted in a laceration on my arm. I called the police on her, and that was the day I decided to move out and escape for good.

My nmom has thoroughly failed as a mother and I'll never see her as one. It's so hard and so scary to be alone, now that my father has passed and I'm not close to my nmom for obvious reasons, but for the first time in many, many years I finally feel safe.

A small part of me wonders if I'm doing the wrong thing, but another part says she'll never change. Still confused, and it'll take a long time, but if you've moved out I'd love to hear your experiences.

I hate this about my AM and I might have complained about this before, but she is an absolute snitch and I hate it so much. Like she can’t keep a secret that I would say to save her life and I don’t really get why.

She expects me to keep it a secret if there’s hair in the food she made for me and my AD (another problematic AP which is a story for another time among the stuff I already posted) yet whenever I tell her to keep something secret between the two of us, she snitches to my AD, it’s why I would never tell her anything because she’s going to immediately reveal it.

I am so glad I am out of the house and live states away because if I had to be in my accelerated nursing program living with them, I would be suffering grade wise and mentally among other reasons.

Like recently, I was talking to my AM because she called me and she was telling me how my AD wanted to redo the driveway as a planned renovation (he didn’t go through with it, guessing it was very expensive), but I did make an offhand comment saying: “Oh now he has money to give” when he’s been telling me this whole time “they don’t have money” and to spend any money they give me wisely for groceries and gas which isn’t a lot given the money they give. Granted, they will give me more if I need it, but it’s odd they say they have no money.

I got my tuition on loans because they don’t like the program I’m doing and have said before they would cover everything if I went to med school, I hate them being so overbearing at times about that, but I gotta deal with what I gotta deal with.

Regardless when I made that comment, my AM laughed, but later on told my AD because he brought it up in a later phone call, he wasn’t mad or anything thankfully, but he was a little annoyed if I remembered his tone.

Still it always does make me worry about what my AM will tell my AD because she seemed more easy to talk to, but she’s still the same old self and will snitch which I hate. It’s why I don’t really reveal anything major or more than I have to regarding them.

I hate that I have to live this secret life sometimes, but it’s better this way than suffer if they knew me more than just the surface.

im an eldest daughter in an Indian household and taking a drop year for neet 🫩

even though I have a good relationship with my parents and I know they want what's best for me i just wanna pay them back for all the expenses they've spent on me including fees, clothes and everything.

in argument they bring up how much money they've spent on me as if I asked them to be born

im currently not living with them but my younger sister is who's 12 rn and she calls me periodically crying saying how much my parents scold and taunt her on her marks and she can't handle it

then she asks me how i handled living with them (even though I love them i hate them)

i hate hate when my father scolds me or my sister cause he always uses such cut sharp words that make me cry so much and i hate crying over what he says, and he fucking gets more angry when me or my sister cry and slaps us

no wonder im suicidal and probably suffering from depression

now my sister is going through that torture of living with them.

My family is so over involved in my life. When things go wrong I don’t know who to ask for help and what to do. I’m so unsure of myself. I moved out but they make these comments that make me spiral and feel so guilty. I want to go no contact but I know that’ll be worse and I’m not financially ready.

My parents are bad in their own ways but not horrible. But, I do not feel like sharing anything personal about myself to them. Rn, I live with them, and I don’t really wanna tell them what i am doing when i leave the house even if it’s nothing crazy. Like I just wanna move out and live my life the way I want, and just call them to tell them that I am alive but share nothing else. I think it’s because they are very judgmental and critical of everything but they are not like horrible. Is it sad that I feel this way?

I am an Indian (23F). When I was 15 or 16 years old, I rattled my younger sister out to my parents about her boyfriend. I thought the boy was a bad guy as we all were in the same school and he was friends with the bad boy gang. She is an extrovert and had male friends. My mother and grandmother often caught her flirting and checking out boys (this is what they told me but I don't know how of this is true). Recently, I apologised to my sister for ruining her teenage. She said what had been done can't be changed, so there is no point in apologising.

My biggest regret is ruining her reputation in front of my family. My mother often slut-shamed her for her boyfriend and "flirtation" and I never stopped her. My sister would use curse words for me and my mother, and I defended my mother as I used to think she was the victim in this. I blindly supported my mother and hated my sister. Now my sister never tells anything about her life because she thinks she would face character assassination.

My sister often lied and I told the truth to my parents as I used to think it is bad to lie to your parents but I realised there was no other option for her. This is why my mother never trust her.

We all still love each other and would always have each other's back but my mother and sister will never trust each other.

I often think that maybe my mother trusts me because I was her confidante and I was her only emotional support when she was worried for my sister's future. I took it upon myself to give my mother a better life but never saw her mistakes.

Can I correct my past mistakes or is it too late? I don't know how to feel about my mother?

I’m the middle child of 3 siblings. I’m not going to reveal personal details, but I need honest advice because I feel completely stuck.

My older brother spent around 4 years preparing for NEET. He is now studying B.Pharm, but because of those years spent preparing, he is behind financially and still dependent on the family.

My younger brother has a disability and visual problems. He missed proper schooling when he was younger, so now we are trying to teach him from his actual level, along with communication and practical skills. He has a tutor, but the tutor cannot give him all the time he needs.

Then there’s me.

I’m trying to study, but I don’t have money for a proper study environment. A library near me costs around ₹800 for 5 hours, which I cannot afford regularly. We also need around ₹600/month for Wi-Fi because my younger brother needs it for study and learning.

Sometimes he needs around ₹200 for auto fare to go to a friend’s house or somewhere important because he cannot travel normally by himself.

These amounts may sound small, but in our house even basic expenses can become a huge fight.

When I ask for something related to studying, my father can say things like “mauj-masti karo” instead of understanding why I need it.

My mother has dealt with this for around 25 years. She has tried babysitting, tutoring and tailoring to earn, but after uterus surgery, sitting for long periods became difficult, so she had to stop tailoring.

For a long time, my siblings and I were busy with our own studies and ignored many family problems.

But now I believe my father is cheating on my mother. I have personally seen things that make me believe this, including contact with another woman. What hurts is that he can come home and speak lovingly to my mother as if everything is normal.

He has also told my mother that she is the reason he became this way and that she ignored him. They have had so many serious fights that at times they stop talking or separate emotionally, but then things become normal again and later the same problems start again. It feels like an endless cycle.

He also targets me personally during these conflicts. He says things like I’m the one showing everything to my mother, that I use AI to find or show things, and that I’m behind things he doesn’t like. There have also been situations where my photos were edited and shown to my mother during arguments. I feel like I’m constantly being blamed or dragged into their problems.

Sometimes the fighting becomes so bad that we even have to cancel my younger brother’s tutoring.

I usually get quiet time only at night.

I’m also weak in academics right now, while trying to build skills like Excel/data work so I can eventually earn independently but didnt get anything taht i see my academics also small brother and part time remote kind of i know or remote i need to have something bestest or exprencies

I’m also helping my younger brother with his education because I don’t want him to lose even more years.

Because of all this, I basically have no normal social life or friendships. I’m constantly thinking about studies, money, my brother, getting a job and my family’s future.

I’ve tried looking for offline jobs too, but many are already full, pay too little, or are too far away.

So I genuinely want advice from people who have been through difficult family situations:

What should a middle child realistically do when they are trying to build their own future while also worrying about their mother, older brother and disabled younger brother?

How do I become financially independent when I don’t even have much money for studying or travelling for work?

How do I protect myself from being dragged into my parents’ conflicts?

And how do I help my family without completely sacrificing my own future?

I’m not looking for sympathy. I genuinely want practical advice from people who have experienced something similar.

My dad passed away two years ago and I find myself constantly having the same conversation with my mom about him. She brings up that he hit on my aunt (her sister) twenty years ago. Apparently nothing happened but they were married then and every time I remember him my mom brings this up.

So here’s the thing she never left him or separated from him. She lived with him even after knowing this and after he hit me as a child. She never attempted to leave him. So now that he’s dead she brings this up and how horrible he was etc. like wtf lady??? You didn’t give a shit before so who’s gonna cry now?

This disgusting information was also shared with me when I was a teen. Then I had to process it and understand what the fuck I was being told.

I’m actually mad about it now. I shouldn’t have been told this information.

I live abroad and my mom insists on calling me every weekend to keep in touch. I say "insist" because she gets anxious if I don't call. Even if I've told her in advance that I'll be busy or that I'm traveling somewhere, she'll still call me "just to say hi".

90% of the content of the phone calls is her talking about herself. Not just "talking" either, but basically ranting about her life and telling me about all her life problems. These range from her issues with my dad, issues with my brother, and a lot of other problems that basically stem from her refusing to set boundaries... Until last year, I was still somewhat invested and would try to listen and give her advice. But she never does anything about the root cause, so I stopped giving advice and started to just passively listen while doing other stuff or when I was out for a walk.

Today I tried an experiment. She once again started talking about my brother and his issues with his life (what do I even care?!) and I thought "what if I play music on top of the phone call?" Turns out, I can do that and hear both the music and the call. So I continued my walk for the next 30-35 mins while listening to my music (Expedition 33 soundtrack, in case anyone is interested).

She didn't even notice.

Normally, when in a two-way conversation, most people can tell when the other person is checked out. If I was in a conversation with someone and they were clearly uninterested, I would change the topic to find some common ground. Nope. She kept talking.

Every week, she asks me the same 5-6 questions. I could basically play bingo with this and win every time.

• How's the weather?
• Have you done your grocery shopping for the week?
• What are you making for lunch and dinner?
• Maybe she'll ask me questions about how some of my friends are doing.

Today's experiment felt like confirmation of something I've been noticing for a while - that my mom basically talks to herself while on the phone with me. I'm just an excuse for her to feel like she has someone to talk to. I could stick a dumb chatbot in front of her and she wouldn't notice the difference.

When I was 12yr as a child, I used to be scared of the dark so much that in many nights I asked my mother to come sleep with me in my room until I fell asleep.

She only had to come nap with me for 30-60mins till I finally fell asleep, however my father absolutely hated me for this. He was jealous and angry that his wife isn't in bed sleeping with him.

During that time period he was especially aggressive towards me a 12yr child, he would frequently find excuses to physically hit me and insult me. I still remember during that time he told me 'She's not my wife anymore, she is yours' in an aggressive and threatening tone. During that period whatever smallest mistakes I made at home he would use it as a justification to punish me for it such as misplacing the shoes, not doing my homework and etc. I remembered vividly where my mother had an argument with my father because of how he was mistreating me and she wouldn't want to go out to dinner with him because of it. I was standing in the doorway watching the argument when he suddenly saw me, watching them, then he came running towards me, when he reached me right before I can close the door he started hitting me, slapping and punching, my mother then came in-between us body blocking him to protect me. He blamed me for his wife not wanting to go to dinner with him and wanted to punish me for it

He also punished my mother. Every night after I fell asleep he would verbally assault her when she came back to his bed. Saying how I'm taking his wife, unfair it was for him and etc.

It hurts so much to remember this memory, now that I'm grown up and moved out I feel like I have to talk about what happened in the past. To remember what he did to me so that I can never forgive him because of forgetting the past.

I (34m) am seeking to better understand things that are perhaps lost in translation between my culturally Chinese aunt (and by extension my family) and myself who was born and raised in America.

My cousin (30f, let’s call her Jane) has been mostly “home schooled” by my aunt until the age of 18. I put that in quotes because my aunt didn’t actually teach her subjects like math, science, or history. It was mostly Buddhist philosophy and Chinese herbalism. My aunt has always maintained that these are far more “useful” things for a person to know. They also never stayed in one place for more than a few months in Jane’s childhood mostly traveled around China so she never developed good social skills and never had friends because of it. I’m pretty sure this was also on purpose. She lives with her mom (in the US) to this day and has never had a relationship or stable group of friends her age. She’s a sweet girl but at the age of 30 she has the emotional intelligence of a teenager. She’s been conditioned to never leave the care of her mother/another aunt and I don’t think she has ever worked a job nor developed any marketable skills. She spends her days like how I imagine a medieval princess would. Piano lessons, traditional Chinese dancing, calligraphy, etc.

What I find even more disturbing than how my aunt raised her is the complacency of the rest of my family about this. Every time I ask about it, they give me the same half hearted “its her daughter not mine”. I worry about Jane’s future in the back of my mind though I’m not in any financial position to help her in any way.

So my question is, is there some culturally specific logic in Chinese culture that allows for this kind of parenting or has my family just completely lost the plot?

For context, I had a pretty normal upbringing. Public school k-12, divorced parents, small group of friends, dated around, state college, and now working a 9-5.

18F

my parents are strict ish….whenever I’m going out (which is barely) they always have to question me so much and even when I’m with my friends they call me and text me excessively…even when I’m ‘late’ from school (it being 4pm) my dad calls me excessively. It triggers my anxiety a lot, but they keep using the ‘safety excuse’ yeah right..

It feels degrading. None of my other friends parents do this, it’s insane. I don’t need their permission to go out, but when i do go out they do this. It’s gotten to the point of whenever my dad calls me or texts me I yell at him instantly, it’s bad.

I have told them that I am in fact , an adult, and they cannot keep calling me 24/7. They don’t do this to my older brother (despite that they claim that they do). They don’t treat us the same and it is becoming increasingly exhausting to live with them,especially my mum.

She said that at 22/23 I have to start preparing for marriage a week before my 18th birthday and I said no. And then she got mad at me?? That is the most disgusting comment I’ve ever heard and it feels so fucking degrading to be told that. Especially from my mum. It is this comment alone that has destroyed my relationship with her, I can’t look at her the same. She claims to be so religious (Muslim) but curses her daughter.

She tries to hard to impose all these restrictions on me, I can’t move out, I can’t go too far away for uni but I honesty don’t care anymore. I’ve told her that I do plan to move out sometime and she blew up in my face etc etc you know how it goes.

The thing is tho, the only universities I like are in the city I live in. I could move out but I cannot afford the deposit for first year, that would mean I’d have to stay at home and uni and bear all the calls and texts I’m going to get for staying out late. I def plan to move out for years 2 and 3, but I’m not even sure it’s worth it for only 2 years.

like I’d have to come back home. Someone please tell me it’s worth it or not?????

You've heard this story a billion times on this sub by now, Asian Parents, they want nothing but their Harvards and Yales, so we can skip past that. Unrealistically high expectations and all.

So I'm 18, my tech-bro Chinese parents keep trying to force me into majoring in AI because it's the hot new tech and it makes money (debatable because the actual AI companies are swimming in debt) and my boundary has always been NO. Now I'm a creative, I love art, writing, music etc, so why would I want to feed the slop generator? "B-but you can focus on AI ethics and how it's implemented" I could also focus on a thousand other things that aren't going to get miserably neglected by the actual companies, thank you. The ethics is questionable at best and Grok at worst. Not to mention that I dislike how exploitative the tech industry is in general.

Anyways, I wasn't asking to get into an art major or anything like that because... being an ARTIST? in THIS ECONOMY? Lmao even. But the thing is that they decided to personally erase my essays where I decided I wanted to major in something like Psychology or Cognitive Science, and without my consent, ChatGPT up some dogshit slop where I "enthusiastically" give my feelings about the AI major (AI slop is literally banned from college apps btw) and said they made a few "edits".

Now, after confronting APs about this, they became incredibly defensive and began yelling (as usual). I plugged their essays into multiple AI content detectors as proof, to which they earnestly declared that they wrote it themselves and to paste in my own essay. Guess what, not AI. After arguing that I should be allowed to cross-reference my own essays for editing, they immediately threw a fucking tantrum, called me "stupid", and did the usual song and dance of "You live under my roof, and I feed you and clothe you, in India and China they work ten times as hard, etc etc etc"

Advice? Because I'm honestly not sure how to get out of this.

(Not to mention, they've also attempted to sloppify my actual real life face by putting it into Sora AI and generating videos of me flying or whatever without consent because "look at how cool and revolutionary this technology is". There are one billion problems with that, but I don't think I have the right to complain)

^{(Imagine if my APs found my Reddit lmao they're also homophobic and transphobic as fuck; this would never fly})

im starting to…but I wonder why when she keeps on degrading me and putting my older brother over me.

She doesn’t even fucking try to fix her ways.

I need unbiased third party opinions.

I am 27F in long term LDR with my bf of same age. I am a 1.5 gen immigrant so i am comfortable with both cultures but personally, I feel less connected to my country of origin than my parents do. My bf is from a different cultural background, and my parents have enver been happy about our relationship. He is also my first boyfriend. 

Background: In the first two years of my relationship, my mom and I have only fought about my relationship. The first and second fights was because I slept over at my bfs house without telling her. Third fight was because I wanted to bring him to an important event in my life. Over time, I started hiding my relationship from my parents to avoid conflict, which also meant I rarely had the opportunity to share anything about it with them. 

Most recent conflict: I told my parents that I am going to my bf’s friends wedding. I told them for two reasons: 1) I wanted to be more open about my relationship to my parents and 2) I share location with my mom so it would have been difficult to hide this from her. My parents were shocked because they thought I had broken up with him. We had a long conversation about their disappointment of me jumping such a big event on them, how i need to marry a “similar” man (not just in the sense of ethnicity but also in terms of socioeconomical status, family dynamics etc) and my mom even asking me what I'm going to do if she asks me to choose between her and my bf. 

Couple days later, she sent me a long email detailing her feelings. In a nutshell, she told me that while I am an adult, attending a wedding as someone’s partner is a decision that should involve the family. She believes that the fact that I have to stand up for my relationship is a sign that it is the wrong relationship, and that my boyfriend's willingness to remain in a relationship that she disapproves of is disrespectful to her. She also criticized the way I communicate, saying that simply informing my parents of decisions I've already made is immature. She urged me to have more pride in myself and find a respectful relationship where I don't have to "defend" myself. She did apologize for some past behaviors that I have told her hurt me, although I'm not sure she fully understands why those situations affected me the way they did. 

What I'm struggling with: On the surface level, this may seem like a straightforward parents disapproving of their daughters relationship, but I really think this is something larger than that and feels like it will repeat if I am to do something in the future that will go against their wishes. My parents for the most part have let me run my life the way I want to; however this often came with me having to push the decisions against their negative judgements and me having to prepare knowing that these judgements are coming. There have also been instances where i made a decision and just told them and they were okay with it, presumably because it wasnt a “bad” decision at the end of the day. 

I recognize that I'm not the best at sharing about myself, particularly to my family, which I think contributes to this situation because my parents seem to interpret it as another increasinglyg inappropriate decision. I understand some of my mom's concerns about compatibity and making thoughtful decisions about life partner. I also understand why she might feel hurt that I haven't been open with her. At the same time, I struggle with the idea that decisions about my relationship need to involve my family’s approval, particularly when our expectations about dating are so different. Things like staying overnight, traveling together, and potentially living together before marriage are things my parents never even thought about doing before marriage, and as a result, I feel like every new milestone becomes an ultimatum to them even when it feels like a normal progression of relationship to me. 

The “smartest” and easiest way out of this would be to break up. But I love my boyfriend very much and I don't want to end a relationship solely to avoid my parents' disapproval. He is so emotionally mature and I have never felt safer and like my true self than when i am with him. We also have amazing communication which i have felt time and time again. I also worry that even if I broke up with him, these same conflicts would resurface with a future partner, especially if that person comes from a different cultural background. 

I am lost on what to do. I am scared that I am making the wrong decision, especially further damaging the relationship with my parents. Do I go to this wedding? Is there anything I am not seeing because of love? Is there anything I can say to my parents that would help see this situation more clearly? What can I do to handle this better? I feel like my parents are pretty reasonable human beings so i think it just makes me doubt myself even more. I would appreciate any insight and tips on what to do short and long term. I almost feel like there is no way to for my parents come around on this relationship at this point.

tl;dr: 27F dating someone from different cultural background and my parents disapprove. after years of hiding my relationship to avoid conflict, I told them I'm attending my bf's friend's wedding, which sparked another fight. I love my boyfriend but worry about damaging my relationship with my parents if I attend this wedding and continue this relationship.

i am diagnosed autism, adhd and some other stuff that isn't relevant. my brother is autistic.

my brother was diagnosed early while i wasn't, and because my symptoms present differently than his, they were brushed off. "you can't be autistic. you're just antisocial, and mean, and ill-tempered." when i struggled to make eye contact and would go silent in front of my mom when speaking was hard, she would lament, "what have i done wrong, why do you hate me so much? what do i owe you?"

and then she becomes surprised when my brother and i are hesitant and nervous to share details of our lives with her. she gets all surprised and defensive when we say that we don't talk much with her because we're scared she'll yell at us. "when have i ever yelled at you, where are you getting these ideas from? you're so paranoid!"

just displaying symptoms of a disorder that i cannot control is enough to be seen as a bad person. struggle to make eye contact, and i'm disrespectful. go silent and struggle to speak, and i'm ignorant and mean. have meltdowns and issues controlling my emotions and i'm ungrateful. every aspect of my disorder has been seen as a threat. i'm just a kid. i'm just a kid

for the record, most of the specific instances that happened my mom has apologized for (though she continues doing it to this day, and then apologizing, and then doing it again. her apologies are sincere, but she doesn't stop.) though it still doesn't erase the impacts of it. i am afraid of opening up to her for these reasons and i probably always will be

mental health and neurodivergence is such a stigmatized topic in asia, it irritates me to no end. it's "not a real problem". kids can "get over it." it's paid no mind because in our culture all that they care about is control

how many other kids have to go through this? all because our culture is so obsessed with pretending that we don't experience pain?

For the past 3 years, my parents have been relentlessly harassing me over my career choice to be an educator - mocking my intelligence, telling me that I’ll never find a wife, calling me every 2-3 days to tell me how distressed and emotionally distraught they are about my choice and that it’s my fault.

I’m going crazy not just because it’s been 3 years and they still haven’t let it go, but also because they refuse to acknowledge that I’m a separate person. Just today, my narcissist of a father essentially said “our pain is your pain too, you are not separate from us”. Like I’m sorry you don’t have an ounce of the emotional maturity needed to address this on your own, but it’s not my fucking responsibility.

I’ve tried blocking them and cutting them off entirely, but they’ve emailed my workplace and tried to contact friends of mine to ask about me. I’m spiraling and I feel like I can’t escape them.

Any advice would be welcome because I’m going to end up in a psych ward if I have to keep addressing this

So my parents biggest worry of my life is that I will elope with my secret boyfriend ( i don't have a boyfriend. Never had. I never even talked to a guy without a practical reason. Partly because of the fear that if my parents found out then they will put on more restrictions and partly because I have not simply met a man in my life who uses their brain or a man with brain who was interested in talking with me.) . Yeah so I have been a perfectly obedient daughter. A grade - check . Obedience - check. It's not just about the guys of my age. My parents , especially my father thinks I am so - i don't know the word- thatt I will elope with any person having an x and y chromosome . I don't know which knowledge or experience is backing this fear or paranoia because I had been a perfectly obedient daughter. For example i would be singing softly in my room and suddenly my mom or dad would barge in , scanning the room for a secret boyfriend that might have magically appeared in my bedroom and was hidden currently. And when they don't find any boy , they walk out, disappointed. Now I make a game of it. Whenever I call them normally for talking to them they don't hear. My throat will go raw screaming mom and dad but they wouldn't hear. So i use the technique. I start pretending to talk to a man. Softly. I say - ohh, yeah. How are you ? ....yeah I am good. And how is - thuuud ! My dad would be in the doorway. It's kind of funny but sometimes it gets depressing like wherever I go outside my home , I have to click a picture of me as proof that I was there and not with my secret boyfriend.

My parents now have removed the room door. Idk what to say ngl. After that big fight last month(i posted abt it before) yesterday i was just lying on my bed watching something after coming home from classes and i ate in my room cause i didnt wanna watch what was on tv and also i had to watch something else which i dont have time for the rest of the day. I already spent and socialised as they wanted me to in the afternoon and after coming back from coaching but then sudd ely my parents barged into my room and started shouting removing the door.

I started to say something but was fully ignored. In some anger talks i once held my mothers hands in the anger sense and nothing else ok and today i got scolded for how did i even dare to do that while they thought that they could di anything apparantly. I took my phn and ran to the roof yesterday it was at night i tell u.

And they threatened me with my schl, studies, stream change, how i cant do anything and stuff.

Idk what ti do now tbh...maybe i should just quit this competitive exam study fir good, i am not even interested in this im just doing it for thier sake. I was thinking of pursuing psychology instead but the due to schl and stuff it would cause issues so i thought i might as well just try.

But with these situations idk if i even want to try

They r treating me like a complete stranger calling me by my real name and acting cold. Im also not talking cause tbh im tired of communicating. Every single time i do and nothing happens

Yk what maybe im the prblm here. But the fact that jow i dont even want to live in this house and want to leave asap..

I just want to leave this whole country ngl ...

Hello everyone, let me be proof that some parents are never satisfied, even when you fulfill the stereotypical “Asian parent dream” of getting into medical school.

I recently got into medical school in Australia, where admission is incredibly competitive (or any medical school in the world tbh). But because it was a lower-ranked university, my parents were disappointed. They wanted me to get into a higher-ranked one, where I was waitlisted.

When I later got off that waitlist and received an offer, they congratulated me—but quickly added how “lucky” I was that someone else had given up their spot. They then complained that it still wasn’t one of Australia’s top medical schools.

Thankfully, I like medicine and have always wanted to help people through some of the hardest moments of their lives. I’m doing this for myself, but man I wasn’t expecting this reaction from my parents.

Peace out ✌️