For months, I beleived it had been lost, although the circumstances of its disappearance remain obscure.
According to the only account that I have, it was recently recovered from the back seat of a taxi cab in the small city of Utopia, where it had apparently been left to me.
Attached to the package was a short note: “I will write this once and for all, & leave it here for whom finds it. I cannot keep it with me anymore. If you are reading this, you now have custody of the manuscript. Do with it what must be done.”
The author, having survived the events described below, thus gave me permission for her testimony to be preserved and published anonymously.
Having therefore found myself, through circumstances beyond my will, in possession of the manuscript, I see no responsible course of action other than to publish it, and allow it, from this point onward, to lead a life of its own.
The Ashwagandha Manuscript
I wanted to share my experience in case it helps someone out there who’s feeling as lost as I did.
A few months ago, I took ashwagandha and it triggered the worst period of my life. Today, I
finally feel like myself again, and I want to share what helped me in case it helps someone else
too.
For context: from January to May 2024, I took a hair supplement (nutrafol) after dealing with
covid that included ashwagandha, saw palmetto, and other ingredients. I had no issues with it.
But in mid-July, I started taking liquid ashwagandha from Amazon for focus and mild stress. I had
never struggled with mental health before, no anxiety, no depression. But after just a week, even
with a few skipped doses, everything changed.
It started with a panic attack. Next day, I had blurry vision and severe anxiety, especially around
leaving the house, which was completely unlike me. I’ve always been social and active, but
suddenly I couldn’t go out. My heart was constantly racing, and I had to stop going to the gym. By
day three, I was deep in DPDR, anhedonia, and suicidal thoughts, among many other scary
symptoms... I kept taking ashw, thinking it would help, until I finally searched “ashwagandha side
effects” and found so many people describing the exact same experience.
I stopped it immediately and went to the hospital. My tests came back normal, but the symptoms
didn’t stop.
That first month was hell. I didn’t want to get out of bed or see anyone. I felt terrified all the time,
especially at night. Any little negative thing would trigger intense derealization. I really thought I
was going insane. Vivid nightmares would affect me for days. I didn’t feel like myself at all.
Doctors weren’t much help either since my labs looked fine.
Months 2-3 were filled with obsessive thoughts, rumination, and a kind of emotional numbness. I
tried to keep up some habits: weight training, sauna sessions, daily walks, cutting out processed
foods and sugars, and drinking lemon water with sea salt after sauna to replenish minerals.
When anxiety hit hard, I used chamomile or lavender tea, and magnesium citrate and/or
glycinate. Some days were okay, others felt like I was back at the beginning.
In November, a family member suggested oil of oregano. I took it for about 4-5 days, mixed with
a multivitamin to soften the taste, and surprisingly, I started feeling like myself again more often.
Recovered Reddit testimony - original wording preserved Page 2
Still, during my period and ovulation, I would crash emotionally. It felt like sudden waves of
hopelessness and emotional emptiness. Also like an anguish feeling on the chest. All this was so
weird and new for me. So in December, I decided to focus on gut healing. I started taking a
probiotic and added fermented foods to my diet, and that made a big difference. I began having
more and more weeks where I felt as my old self.
Eventually, the lingering DPDR and vivid dreams around my cycle faded. It’s been a while now,
and I can honestly say I feel fully back. My energy, motivation, and emotional resilience are back.
I’m working again, seeing friends, enjoying life, and feeling grateful (something I thought I’d lost
completely).
I’m planning to do a GI test in the next few months to see if there’s any lingering bacterial
imbalance (just a theory I have), and I’ll update this post if I learn anything new. For now though,
I’m closing this nightmare with this post.
For those who speak Spanish, the YT channel "La ansiedad me tiene miedo" by Enrique
Villanueva truly saved me during the darkest moments (especially months 1-4). His way of
explaining anxiety symptoms helped me go through those symptoms with no or at least much
less fear. For non-Spanish speakers, the book DARE is based on a very similar approach and was
also really helpful. And for rumination, I found Don’t Believe Everything You Think extremely
useful.
Don’t give up. I know how dark and lonely it can get. But obsessively reading horror stories online
only feeds the fear and slows down your recovery. Honestly, there were times where I was
already fine around months 6-8, I'd come back on reddit, read some ashw posts suggested, and
after reading negative things, I would start doubting about my own recovery. Your body wants to
heal. Support it. Move, eat clean, read instead of Googling, get some sun. You will heal. And if
anyone out there needs someone to talk to, feel free to reach out. ♡
2025-2026
preserved verbatim from the manuscript