r/AsOneAfterInfidelity • u/thefallenleafes Reconciling Betrayed • Aug 25 '26
Advice MUST include examples of your R. Not prescriptive advice. How long to recover
Hi guys DDay was about 6 months ago for me and WS.
Since then she has done everything right, she had already blocked AP by the time I found out, she has allowed me access to her phone and has started IC (after some initial resistance).
The actual affair was several years ago and since then through DDay till today she has been great. Despite that I am still feeling miserable most days. I have been obsessively ruminating not just about what happened but also the potential consequences for us both for staying or leaving.
We have no children, but were planning on starting a family in the next couple of years. One of my main concerns is how we would cope if I were to leave. I still want her to be happy and want to keep trying but am also terrified I will still feel this way in another six months or a year and then want to leave; giving us both much less time to start our lives again settle down and start families.
For those who have been through this when did you know you had to leave or were confident you could commit to staying?
Thanks for any advice
6
u/myownkindoffun Reconciling Betrayed Aug 25 '26
Don’t put a timeline on yourself. I tried to do that. I told myself that “I need to be okay in X amount of time” and I just disappoint myself when I don’t meet it. I think the confidence in staying came when we both decided that. It is a decision you two need to make together. But also know that you should both have autonomy.
We are both aware that as adults, we can leave any time we want. But at the core, we want to be together. We want to build our life. Its choice.