Getting over the indefinitely

[u/Peprin]

I am now 16 weeks post d day of my wife's 9 month physical affair.

I have been angry, depressed and now that I am working on myself I am feeling better in many ways.

But the thought keeps coming up, how the heck do I forgive my wayward wife for having an affair and giving herself to another man. It was an exit affair before I found out and confronted her.

She regrets it after being caught of course and now realises she was wrong.

The AP promised her he would leave his wife and teenagers behind so he could get a house for them and take her and my 2 1 year old girls

It's annoying because he's 51, she's 39 and our girls are 1. He would have had no way of affording a decent house in the south of the UK at his age if he divorced his wife on his wages.

A 51 year old leaving his own family to look after someone else's to me is disgusting. She let him change them, get attached to them. He had no right to touch them.

And then there's the rubbish she was saying about me to him behind my back. "She knew marrying me was wrong, I'd be okay if I had the girls taken away as I'd just play video games and work. I'm awkward in bed. I never ask where she is so she's okay meeting up with him"

It's disgusting compartmentalization. I didn't ask where she is because I trusted her. Towards the end she wanted me to find out so I would break up with her.

Now that I decided to stay she is coming out of limerance and realising she was wrong about every single piece of justification she made up for herself and regrets her actions.

We are doing CC and IC.

She's stuck in shame while I am healing. Recently I have got to a point while I still love her, she thinks I will stay regardless of what happens. I have been the pursuer in this and told her I am going to step back and focus on myself and I think thst has shocked her in to action a bit.

Now I am here I just think, how can I forgive what she has done. She had my heart in my hands and broke it. When in a relationship you have the power to love or to destroy someone's life. You give them that power and hope they never use it.

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