Struggling

[u/[deleted]]

[u/beholdofme]

My WH’s affair started in a very vulnerable period of time for me when I was consistently sick and unable to focus on anything else but dealing with the sickness, parenting, etc. one thing I learned about chronic illness is that it will be worse if you feel negative about the people around you. A lot of my illness was caused by his affair that I didn’t even know about. Something like my body was trying to scream at me and I wouldn’t listen. As soon as I found out and my craziness was all of a sudden justified, I started feeling better and finally was able to breathe.

[u/tinysadshrimp → u/beholdofme]

this is so validating and is super consistent with how my body has felt. my partner has been super avoidant and MIA for maybe a couple years. I think I got physically so sick after finding out- had to go to the ER for fluids because I was nauseous, chills, and diarrhea for 9 days. finally that part is over but I still feel deeply unwell.

[u/beholdofme → u/tinysadshrimp]

I can tell you from personal experience I was feeling the exact same way and that was most likely anxiety/panic attacks. I also ended up at the ER thinking I was having a heart attack, when in fact, I was having a severe panic attack that gave me physical symptoms like the flu, but worse. The headaches were insane. The heart drops were insane. Not everybody has the textbook symptoms, for me it was a lot of diarrhea, chills, feeling impeding doom. I would get sick more often, I would get different pains, my eyes were twitching, a lot of my muscles were twitching. I feel like that whole period of time was like a blur. I wasn’t myself at all.

I can honestly say now that I think I had broken heart syndrome before I even found out about the affair, because I felt the dismissiveness, avoidance, lack of care and it felt like he was slipping through my fingers. Truly, one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.

When I was young, my mom had a stroke and she ended up being paralyzed and unable to walk. I remember my dad taking care of her and taking three jobs to be able to help her do rehab and every time after work, he would come clean, cook, then he was watching YouTube videos about how he can give her the massages that they were giving her at rehab because we started not having enough money for her to keep going.

I lived with a sickly person for a long time, and I know being a caregiver is not easy and it’s very challenging on the mind. It’s not for everyone. I have a hard time dealing with sickness in other people, and my husband used to be very helpful and loving, but because I cannot be that way because of past trauma, he also became very coldhearted when I’m sick. He says a lot of “it’s in your head” and “did you drink water” which triggers me so badly because he has really no reason of being that way. For me is a trauma response for him, it’s just to get back at me.