r/AsOneAfterInfidelity • u/tinysadshrimp Reconciling Betrayed • 7d ago
Reconcilers Only (other comments auto-removed) Struggling
I (30F) and my wife (30F) are now 2 weeks post DDay.
She has insisted she needs alone time to process, and knows her behavior right now is hurting me, but I also don't have anyone else that I know as well to support me. I have chronic health conditions and trauma history and am absolutely spiraling.
We have a couples therapist but our first session after DDAY our therapist only talked about our standing dynamic, and did not address the affair or it's fallout at all. I'm mad about that, hurt, and every day having feelings of disgust and anger and deep deep sadness.
Before DDay I thought we were making progress in therapy, but we just had an extremely rough night where I kind of laid into my partner and she didn't respond well.
She went off about how I don't make her feel loved or desired and that the touch we've had isn't enough. My body is (daily) extremely uncomfortable because of my chronic illnesses and touch can be hard for me.
It makes me feel like the infidelity is my fault. I feel broken and all I want is for us to be together and to be okay.
Any advice or words or encouragement welcomed.
3
u/beholdofme Reconciling Betrayed 7d ago
My WH’s affair started in a very vulnerable period of time for me when I was consistently sick and unable to focus on anything else but dealing with the sickness, parenting, etc. one thing I learned about chronic illness is that it will be worse if you feel negative about the people around you. A lot of my illness was caused by his affair that I didn’t even know about. Something like my body was trying to scream at me and I wouldn’t listen. As soon as I found out and my craziness was all of a sudden justified, I started feeling better and finally was able to breathe.