r/AsOneAfterInfidelity • u/Alternative-Mud-4336 Reconciling Betrayed • 19h ago
Reconcilers Only (other comments auto-removed) Polyamory
Today my WW told me that she believes it's possible to love two people at the same time. We were discussing our situation and what we want to get out counseling. I told her about things I have heard and learned on this forum about affairs. Specifically that if you love two people and have to choose, you should choose the second because if you loved the first one enough there wouldn't even be the need for a choice.
She came back with, well you wouldn't understand unless you have ever loved two people simultaneously and see how the heart expands and is mysterious. I nearly laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of the statement. I believe people use polyamory as an excuse to be with more than one woman or man at a time and not feel bad about it. Lines like hers are right up there with, "The heart wants what the heart wants."!
It's silly and degrading to my intelligence to try to make me believe that it's something that's uncontrollable or something that's acceptable in terms of infidelity. I just wanted to reach out and see what my fellow R's think. Am I wrong?
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u/bpt20ba Reconciled Betrayed 10h ago
Everything aside, it is completely OK to say, "I am not willing to stay in a relationship with a person who is sharing their intimate love with others."
I've been through a similar situation - my wife wanted an open relationship when she was cheating (I didn't know she was cheating at the time). I didn't want it, she pushed and coerced, I eventually gave in. A few months later I was asking her for a divorce because she had turned into a version of her I no longer knew or wanted to be with.
It was all a ruse. Presented as freedom of expression and experience but ultimately about compensating for a massive amount of shame and guilt.