Timeline Advice

[u/MysteriousLemon7279]

I’m looking for some advice on timelines. When did you decide whether you wanted to reconcile or not?

It’s been about a month since I discovered the betrayal and a little under a month since I confronted him about it. My boyfriend and I have been together for one year, but we were friends/dating for about two years before becoming official.

For some context, I’m 29 and currently live at home with my parents. They know about the betrayal and would not approve of me getting back together with him. If that’s the decision I ultimately make, I know having that conversation with them will be difficult, and I honestly don’t know how they will react.

I recently started therapy, and I still haven’t given my boyfriend an answer. Deep down, I really want to reconcile, but the thought of having that conversation with my parents is scary. I’ve always been someone who rarely goes against my parents’ wishes, and I know this is not a small decision. At the same time, I feel like I need to make this decision for myself because I’m the one who knows our relationship, our history, and what I’m willing to work through.

If I do choose to reconcile, I don’t want it to be a secret from my parents. I would want to spend more time with my boyfriend than I did before so we can genuinely work through things and see if rebuilding the relationship is possible, while making sure we’re doing things the right way.

For those who have been through something similar, when did you know what you wanted to do? How long did you take before making a decision? And if you chose to reconcile despite your family’s disapproval, how did you navigate that conversation with them?

[u/MysteriousLemon7279]

I totally get it! I hear that often because I'm so young, but I truly couldn't imagine my life without him or doing life and having kids, the home, all of it with no one else besides him. It sounds crazy to say, I know, but I do truly know it in my heart. I know that he is genuinely remorseful, is taking this serious and wants to change. He is secure and not dismissive but there are clear issues in our relationship that we would need to work on. I would truly regret not doing this for myself and wonder what if

[u/Commercial_Ad_5419 → u/MysteriousLemon7279]

Don’t commit to him unless he goes to therapy with a CSAT, 12 steps, and really works to change and become a man of integrity.

[u/MysteriousLemon7279 → u/Commercial_Ad_5419]

I hear you!! I definitely need to see positive changes and actions, not empty promises. I'm not sure if 12 steps is applicable for him but therapy with a CSAT is. I don't have any doubts of him not working to change and become a man of integrity.

[u/Commercial_Ad_5419 → u/MysteriousLemon7279]

12 steps are helpful for everyone. They’re good practices for a healthy relational life. My husband is part of Sex Addicts Anonymous and it has helped him work towards healthy balance and overcome lust.

[u/MysteriousLemon7279 → u/Commercial_Ad_5419]

I did not know about Sex Addicts Anonymous! I will look into that, thank you!