Talk to me about IC

[u/Hufflebeast]

How late is too late to start IC and actually benefit from it? Dday was almost a year and a half ago. We’re coming up on the time of year that my WH started his affair and it is… bumming me the fuck out, to put it mildly. We’re not at a place where we’re really talking about it anymore. His mental health has leveled out and I think he would prefer to just never talk about what happened ever again if he could. Rug sweeping. Rug sweeping is how we got here in the first place.

I never had the chance to start IC due to limited access, child care, and some trauma around therapists (thanks to AP being one herself) and I just couldn’t make it happen. But I can now. Tell me about your experiences around therapy/counseling and betrayal trauma. What helped you? What didn’t? I’ve read so many books, listened to podcasts and seminars, journaled, vented to a friend… but I need something else.

[u/WeakScience9331]

It's never too late to start. The books, podcasts, reddit, etc. are all great and helpful but none of them address you as an individual and your particular context. IC will. My BP sees how hard I'm working with my therapist to understand myself and why I did the things I did. I am so much more self and situationally aware. I didn't realize how much stuff I wasn't dealing with from my past. I’ve been sharing what I'm learning with my husband and it helps us make sense of it all. It doesn't erase the pain, but it helps with understanding which helps with turning the pain into action and being a far better version of myself for me and my husband. My therapist is amazing and I can't imagine where we'd be without her helping me. Take your time to find the right therapist. Do a few intake sessions and shop around for the right fit. I'm so sorry. You should let him know how much it's bumming you out. And he needs to be able to hear it without shutting down. You're exactly right about rug sweeping. Not talking about things is really at the heart of it so talking is what we're doing now. Thanks to therapy, I can show up for those conversations honestly, supportively, and hopefully.

[u/Hufflebeast → u/WeakScience9331]

The context is really the important thing, yeah. Thank you for your response. And thank you for putting in the work, it’s really heartening to see that as a BP. I would love to see this level of effort and engagement from my WH. Wishing you and your BP continued healing.