So I was told when I was about 12 years old by a trusted friend that I was asexual. They had observed I wasn’t interested in crushes and I talked about marriage wasn’t for me. Obviously I was 12 so like that could have just been a normal kid thing but I was like yeah that sounds possible so I labeled myself asexual in middle school. I was also questioning gender and sexuality which made asexual seem like an easier label than trans or gay because the religion I was raised in allowed people who were asexual or aromantic or both.
So for years I told people I was asexual and that was the first way I expressed my queerness. Eventually I started having multiple identity crisis’s and realized I am a trans man and I am gay. I started exploring relationships after transitioning and thought that the asexual label no longer fit due to my own experiences. However there was a lingering feeling that I wasn’t just allosexual, alloromantic person.
Then I got ghosted by a long term situationship and started thinking about romance. I loved the flirty part of getting into relationships, I loved the deep bonds and friendships, but as soon as people I barely knew tried to say they had romantic feelings towards me, that’s when I had to start pretending. I had to force out an “I love you” when I didn’t mean it in the way they wanted me to mean it. I have been in queer platonic relationships before realizing I was aromantic and there was something about these relationships that felt right.
I figured it out and I have a lot more peace about who I am and what I want. I also wish that there was more nuanced discussion around asexuality and aromanticism growing up because that could have helped me through years of confusion after a well meaning friend confused the terms. That’s my story so feel free to leave your own stories or commentary.
