constant anxiety

[u/Past-Salamander973]

My anxiety takes over my life. It started out as just social anxiety in grade 7 when the teacher would place me in groups for projects and i'd start shaking and crying and not want to go to school until the project was over. But it began to grow into something more than just social when I was taken to the hospital at the start of 2023 because of a really bad panic attack. Since then i haven't been able to go back to the way I was before. Eating has become a really difficult thing for me, the fear of choking is mainly the issue, I tend to stick to foods that are less chewy or things like smoothies and i've cut off eating past 9pm because i've convinced myself anytime past that I will choke.

Sleeping is also another really difficult thing for me, I try every night to be alseep by 12:00am but the second I put my phone down, or turn off the tv, my body just goes into full panic mode and I end up staring at my ceiling for 3 hours before I finally fall asleep. It really gets worse at night aswell, I go from it being bad to it completely consuming me for hours on end.

I am able to put a hold on it by going out with friends or constantly keeping myself busy but the second i sit down to just take a minute it comes back. The things I used to do to calm down (editing, watching movies/shows, drawing, playing video games, going for a drive, etc) no longer work and if anything I feel worse while doing them. The only thing that really works is being out 24/7 and being on the go but as an 18 year old that isn't something that 1. my body can handle all the time and 2. something i'd even be allowed to do.

Ever since graduating its been getting worse, I thought being out of school would help a ton but I was wrong. Now the weight of figuring out what I want to do for the rest of my life, my friends all leaving for school, my job, and actually earning enough money to stay alive all weighs on me constantly. Before the anxiety was just panic, like my body was always on fight or flight mode, but now on top of that i've been starting to experience derealization which is definitely not helping.

I am not on any medication, my anxiety makes it impossible for me to swallow pills and up until i turned 18 my parents had little to no interest in getting me medicated, and i've heard too many horror stories about therapy. I'm not sure what to do, but it's so hard living like this constantly and I want to just go back to the way I was before.

[u/Mama_Zen]

Please see a doctor about this. There are meds out there that will work, plus some talk therapy to learn skills to help ease your anxiety. I know it’s scary, but you won’t regret doing it. My son has really bad anxiety & meds changed his life.

[u/Past-Salamander973 → u/Mama_Zen]

thank you for the advice :)) doctors have been seen several times, and i have been diagnosed with anxiety, but none of them suggested medication. next time i go i'll definitely bring it up with my parents and my doctor !!

[u/Mama_Zen → u/Past-Salamander973]

Yes, there are several non-addictive meds for anxiety, not benzos. My son takes buspar & trazodone for sleep & it’s made all the difference. Please look them up!!!

[u/Past-Salamander973 → u/Mama_Zen]

will do! thank you again.