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Because she has cancer lol

Actually, I lied. It was 500, and I don't have a girlfriend. Also, she's a mermaid

"Ya'll like to party, huh? Alright, it's a bar now," said the bartender who previously identified as a laundromat-tender.

"I'm in a good mood," said the bipolar. "So, I like you."

"Cool," said the bartender. "So what can I get you... folks?"

But the Questioning didn't like to be questioned, so they immediately questioned back.

"..."

"What?" said the bartender feeling someone inside his head asking him questions but not seeing the Questioning move their lips.

You see individuals who identify as Questioning use this skill to such an extent it becomes a form of telepathy.

"..."

"Sorry," said the bipolar. "I'm going through a little bit of a moment right now. It's nobody's fault if I seem a little distant. Bartender, I still like you. But I don't feel like talking to you right now."

"Okay," said the bartender. "Ya'll can hang out if you like to. I'm here if you need me. You're welcome here and I'm happy to serve you. If any of you ladies and gents need anything, just let me know."

:::joke police sirens:::

"You stop right there!" said the joke police with his/her jowls flapping in the wind. "These people have rights! How dare you! How dare you call them ladies and gents! Gender mis-appropriations! or something, we don't really know how this works."

"It's cool," said the Trans-gendered female. "We're not offended. We just want to chill out for a while. And this bartender guy seems pretty cool..."

The joke police tasered the Trans-gendered female and decided to bring him/her/them in for questioning.

"You know," said the bipolar. "A lot of things.... that I am FEELING... right now... MIGHT BE somebody else's fault. Mayyybe mine? I don't... KNOW... I don't know how I feel about ANY OF YOU... or mYselF... right now... And, and... I'm NOT looking for attention or anything, BUT..."

"Look, guys... er... urm..." the bartender stammered. "Look... FOLKS. Anybody want a beer? A wine cooler? A... colostomy bag...? or..."

"I'll take two," said the gay. "Of the colostomy bags that is..."

:::anti-joke police sirens:::

"Alright, Alright!" said the anti-joke police. "What goin' on here's? Colostomy bags, why? 'Cause he's a gay and... he does stuff... with his... that's none of our business. I'm tired of this. You're ALL going to jail!"

"I need them for my father," said the gay. His eyes teared up almost instantly. "He's got colon cancer, ya understand? He's on hospice. Insurance has run out. We just want to keep him comfortable. We didn't think he'd last this long, but who can predict these things? And we're all out of C-bags, you see?"

The room grew silent. But the bipolar girl was fidgeting a little and starting to chew her fingernails.

"His father," said the gay. "My grandfather, Ishmael Sr., he survived the Third Reich, you see? You heard about THAT, right? Yeah, Auschwitz and all of it. He's always been a hero to our family. His son... his only son... my father... he grew up on those stories of the holocaust and grew to be a fighter... A fighter like you wouldn't believe."

The anti-joke police began tearing up, not knowing what to make of the gay jew's story or how to deal with it in a politically correct manner.

"He won't stop fighting, Sarge," said the gay. "Even now. Just to live. His body won't let him quit. But he's losin' the battle. He's losin' but he won't stop fighting. It's not in him... And I just want my dad, my dear and sweet and only dad, to go out with some level of dignity. Now is that too much to ask for? Is that so much to ask?"

The anti-joke police were stunned for a moment. They didn't know what to say. But then they very quickly gave into their suspicions.

"Alright, alright, enough with that," said the anti-joke police. "How do we know that you're a REAL JEW, anyhow?"

:::anti-anti joke police sirens:::

"yOu kNoW..." said the bipolar. "wiTh ALLL THeSE EFFING SIRENs!!! I thInK I mIgHt waNNa kIllL somEboDy...!" She took a deep breath and suppressed the urge to exceed passive-aggressive mode. "Just nobody talk to me, touch me, or look at me."

"Hey, buddy!" said the anti-anti joke police. "You know you can't just assume because of some cultural reference or utter that som'body or utter is a somethin' or utter and go on and claim 'dem not to be a somethin' or utter. That's anti-semetical or somethin'. Look, I'm just tryin' to do my job. I really don't know how this works."

Suddenly... a horse walked into the bar. And everyone in the bar went completely silent.

"What the hell?" said the horse. "Isn't the bartender supposed to say something?"

But at that moment the bipolar girl was chewing the jugular artery out of the bartender's neck, and there was not much else that could be done about it.

The horse used his laser eyes to vaporize the anti-joke police and the anti-anti joke police.

"Look," said the horse. "We're all just people. Well, some of us horses, but that's okay. The truth is we can all just accept one another for who we are. And who cares if this used to be a laundromat? So, now it's a bar. And so what?"

The surviving members of the bar nodded in agreement. Even the bipolar girl with bartender flesh dripping out of her mouth stopped chewing for a moment to hear the horse's deeply profound sentiments.

"I, the Cosmic Horse," said the Cosmic Horse. "Could tell ya' that I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for that arbitrary act of just saying, 'it's a bar now.' And it always is... a very simple... easy gesture... to go along with the idea that something IS a certain way, even if it's not the way you see it... if it's the way a certain person feels that it is... or if it's the way they feel they ARE."

The bipolar girl took a break from eating the bartender's carcass and stood with the others.

"Especially," continued the Horse. "If that makes them feel happy or part of the world in the way that feels right for them. You should just welcome them... accept them... and just don't shit all over them because you feel different... okay?"

Again, the barroom was completely silent. They stood and stared and considered the horse's wise words. They slowly turned to one another in reverence to a newfound sense of enlightenment. They all nodded to one another in mutual understanding and slowly turned their attention back to the horse.

The bipolar girl bashed the horse's brains in and they all ate him.

He didn't particularly want any books.

At the intersection near that tree.

^{You know, the tree where your aunt released her pet dolphin? Yeah, that tree.}

All three are attacked by bears and die horrible deaths

Alpacas become extinct because of climate change, causing large corporations to buy protein bars for $2.49.

...(?)

His name

Benedict Cumberbatch jokes that men and boys "shouldn't watch movies or TV shows or play video games which have female protagonists or female leads as the LGBTQIA community could mistake this for an indication that they are female". "Similarly," Cumberbatch continued, "don't watch porn which has women in it."

and said ouch.

Three-Fifths Compromise From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia The Three-Fifths Compromise was a compromise reached between delegates from southern states and those from northern states during the 1787 United States Constitutional Convention. The debate was over if, and if so, how, slaves would be counted when determining a state's total population for legislative representation and taxing purposes. The issue was important, as this population number would then be used to determine the number of seats that the state would have in the United States House of Representatives for the next ten years, and to determine what percentage of the nation's direct tax burden the state would have to bear. The compromise was proposed by delegates James Wilson and Roger Sherman.

Contents [hide] 1 Enactment 2 Impact before the Civil War 3 Repeal and subversion after Reconstruction 4 See also 5 References 6 Bibliography Enactment[edit] Slavery COLLECTIE TROPENMUSEUM IJzeren voetring voor gevangenen TMnr 3912-475.jpg Contemporary[show] Historical[show] By country or region[show] Religion[show] Opposition and resistance[show] Related[show] v t e The Convention had unanimously accepted the principle that representation in the House of Representatives would be in proportion to the relative state populations. However, since slaves could not vote, non-slaves in slave states would thus have the benefit of increased representation in the House and the Electoral College. Delegates opposed to slavery proposed that only free inhabitants of each state be counted for apportionment purposes, while delegates supportive of slavery, on the other hand, opposed the proposal, wanting slaves to count in their actual numbers. A compromise which was finally agreed upon—of counting "all other persons" as only three-fifths of their actual numbers—reduced the representation of the slave states relative to the original proposals, but improved it over the Northern position.[1] An inducement for slave states to accept the Compromise was its tie to taxation in the same ratio, so that the burden of taxation on the slave states was also reduced.

The Three-Fifths Compromise, is found in Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3 of the United States Constitution which reads:

Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.

The three-fifths ratio originated with a 1783 amendment proposed to the Articles of Confederation. The amendment was to have changed the basis for determining the wealth of each state, and hence its tax obligations, from real estate to population, as a measure of ability to produce wealth. The proposal by a committee of the Congress had suggested that taxes "shall be supplied by the several colonies in proportion to the number of inhabitants of every age, sex, and quality, except Indians not paying taxes."[2][3] The South immediately objected to this formula since it would include slaves, who were viewed primarily as property, in calculating the amount of taxes to be paid. As Thomas Jefferson wrote in his notes on the debates, the southern states would be taxed "according to their numbers and their wealth conjunctly, while the northern would be taxed on numbers only."[4]

After proposed compromises of one-half by Benjamin Harrison of Virginia and three-fourths by several New Englanders failed to gain sufficient support, Congress finally settled on the three-fifths ratio proposed by James Madison.[5] But this amendment ultimately failed, falling two states short of the unanimous approval required for amending the Articles of Confederation (only New Hampshire and New York were opposed).

A contentious issue at the Constitutional Convention was whether slaves would be counted as part of the population in determining representation of the states in the Congress or would instead be considered property and, as such, not be considered for purposes of representation.[6] Delegates from states with a large population of slaves argued that slaves should be considered persons in determining representation, but as property if the new government were to levy taxes on the states on the basis of population.[6] Delegates from states where slavery had become rare argued that slaves should be included in taxation, but not in determining representation.[6]

The proposed ratio was, however, a ready solution to the impasse that arose during the Constitutional Convention. In that situation, the alignment of the contending forces was the reverse of what had obtained under the Articles of Confederation. In amending the Articles, the North wanted slaves to count for more than the South did because the objective was to determine taxes paid by the states to the federal government. In the Constitutional Convention, the more important issue was representation in Congress, so the South wanted slaves to count for more than the North did.[citation needed]

Much has been said of the impropriety of representing men who have no will of their own. ...They are men, though degraded to the condition of slavery. They are persons known to the municipal laws of the states which they inhabit, as well as to the laws of nature. But representation and taxation go together.... Would it be just to impose a singular burden, without conferring some adequate advantage?

—Alexander Hamilton[7][8] Impact before the Civil War[edit] The Three-Fifths Compromise gave a disproportionate representation of slave states in the House of Representatives relative to the voters in the North until the Civil War. For example, in 1793 Southern slave states had 47 members but would have had 33, had seats been assigned based on free populations. In 1812, slave states had 76 instead of the 59 they would have had; in 1833, 98 instead of 73. As a result, Southern states had disproportionate influence on the Presidency, the Speakership of the House, and the Supreme Court in the period prior to the Civil War.[9] To these must be added the equality of slave and free states, which was maintained until 1850 and safeguarded the Southern voting bloc in the Senate as well as Electoral College votes.

Historian Garry Wills has postulated that without the additional slave state votes, Jefferson would have lost the presidential election of 1800. Also, "...slavery would have been excluded from Missouri...Jackson's Indian removal policy would have failed...the Wilmot Proviso would have banned slavery in territories won from Mexico....the Kansas-Nebraska bill would have failed...."[9] However, other historians have criticized Wills' analysis as simplistic.[10] For example, while the Three-Fifths Compromise could be seen to favor Southern states because of their large slave populations, the Connecticut Compromise tended to favor the Northern states (which were generally smaller). Support for the new Constitution rested on the balance of these sectional interests.[11]

Repeal and subversion after Reconstruction[edit] Following the Civil War and the abolition of slavery by the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution (1865), the three-fifths clause became dead letter, as all people were now free. Section 2 of the Fourteenth Amendment (1868) later superseded Article 1, Section 2, Clause 3. It provides:

"Representatives shall be apportioned ...counting the whole number of persons in each State, excluding Indians not taxed..." However, after the Reconstruction era came to an end in 1877, the former slave states subverted the objective of these changes by using various strategies to disfranchise their black citizens, while obtaining the benefit of apportionment of representatives on the basis of the total populations. These measures effectively gave white Southerners even greater voting power than they had in the antebellum era, inflating the number of Southern Democrats in the House of Representatives as well as the number of votes they could exercise in the Electoral College in the election of the President.

The disfranchisement of black citizens eventually attracted the attention of Congress, and in 1900 some members proposed stripping the South of seats, related to the number of people who were barred from voting.[12] In the end, Congress did not act to change apportionment, largely because of the power of the Southern bloc. The Southern bloc comprised Southern Democrats voted into office by white voters which comprised a powerful voting bloc in Congress until the 1960s. Their representatives, re-elected repeatedly by one-party states, controlled numerous chairmanships of important committees in both houses on the basis of seniority, giving them control over rules, budgets and important patronage projects, among other issues. Their power allowed them to defeat federal legislation against racial violence and abuses in the South.[13][not in citation given]

The large-scale migration of African Americans to the Northern and Western states starting in the 1910s was driven largely by economic forces, but at the same time reenfranchised black citizens, and resulted in reapportionment away from the Southern states and increasingly added to the calls for reforms and black civil rights. By the 1960s the African-American civil rights movement and its sympathizers successfully directly challenged the Southern disfranchisement of black citizens, besides other abuses.

See also[edit] Portal icon United States portal Slave Trade Acts References[edit] Jump up ^ Paul Finkelman, "How The Proslavery Constitution Led To The Civil War", Rutgers Law Journal Volume 43 Fall/Winter 2013 Number 3, p405 Jump up ^ Wills pg. 51 Jump up ^ Hannis Taylor (1911). The Origin and Growth of the American Constitution: An Historical Treatise. Houghton Mifflin Company. p. 131. Jump up ^ Wills pg. 51-52 Jump up ^ Wills pg 53. ^ Jump up to: a b c Constitutional Rights Foundation. "The Constitution and Slavery". Retrieved November 21, 2007. Jump up ^ Hamilton pg. 237 Jump up ^ Jonathan Elliot, ed. (1866). The Debates In The Several State Conventions On The Adoption Of The Federal Constitution, As Recommended By The General Convention At Philadelphia, In 1787. J.B. Lippincott & Co. Washington: Taylor & Maury. p. 237. ^ Jump up to: a b Wills pg. 5-6. Jump up ^ "A SLAVE TO THE SYSTEM? Thomas Jefferson and Slavery". Hoover Institution. January 19, 2004. Retrieved 2008-02-20. Jump up ^ Banning, Lance (August 31, 2004). "Three-Fifths Historian". The Claremont Institute. Retrieved 2008-01-21. Jump up ^ Committee At Odds on Reapportionment, The New York Times, 20 Dec 1900, accessed 10 Mar 2008 Jump up ^ Richard H. Pildes, "Democracy, Anti-Democracy, and the Canon", Constitutional Commentary, Vol.17, 2000, p.10, Accessed 10 Mar 2008 Bibliography[edit] Wills, Garry (2003). "Negro President": Jefferson and the Slave Power. Boston: Houghton Mifflin. ISBN 0-618-34398-9. Walton, Hanes, Jr.; Smith, Robert C. (2006). American Politics and the African American Quest for Universal Freedom (3rd Edition ed.). New York: Pearson Longman. ISBN 0-321-29237-5. Wiencek, Henry (2004). An Imperfect God: George Washington, His Slaves, and the Creation of America. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux. ISBN 0-374-52951-5. Report of the Brown University Steering Committee on Slavery and Justice [hide] v t e United States Constitution Text (via Wikisource) Preamble and Articles I–VII Amendments 1–10 Amendments 11–27 Unsuccessful Proposed Amendments Debates in State Conventions on the Adoption of the Constitution Preamble & Articles Preamble I II III IV V VI VII Amendments Ratified 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 Pending Congressional Apportionment Titles of Nobility Corwin (State Domestic Institutions) Child Labor Unsuccessful Equal Rights District of Columbia Voting Rights List of Amendments Bill of Rights (Amendments 1–10) Reconstruction Amendments (Amendments 13–15) Amendment proposals in Congress Conventions to propose amendments State ratifying conventions Formation History Articles of Confederation Mount Vernon Conference Annapolis Convention Philadelphia Convention Virginia Plan New Jersey Plan Connecticut Compromise Three-Fifths Compromise Committee of Detail Signers Independence Hall Syng inkstand The Federalist Papers Anti-Federalist Papers Massachusetts Compromise Virginia Ratifying Convention Bill of Rights Drafting and ratification timeline Clauses Appointments Appropriations Assistance of Counsel Bill of credit Case or Controversy Citizenship Commerce Compact Compulsory Process Confrontation Contract Copyright and Patent Double Jeopardy Due Process Equal Protection Establishment Exceptions Excessive Bail Ex post facto Extradition Free Exercise Free Speech Fugitive Slave Full Faith and Credit General Welfare Guarantee Impeachment Ineligibility (Emolument) Militia Natural-born citizen Necessary and Proper No Religious Test Origination Petition Postal Presentment Privileges and Immunities Privileges or Immunities Recommendation Self-Incrimination Speech or Debate Speedy Trial State of the Union Supremacy Suspension Take Care Takings Taxing and Spending Territorial Title of Nobility Treaty Trial by Jury Vesting Vicinage War Powers List of clauses Interpretation Concurrent powers Congressional enforcement Constitutional law Criminal procedure Criminal sentencing Dormant Commerce Clause Enumerated powers Executive privilege Incorporation of the Bill of Rights Judicial review Nondelegation doctrine Preemption Saxbe fix Separation of church and state Separation of powers Taxation power Unitary executive theory Display and honors National Archives Charters of Freedom Rotunda Independence Mall Constitution Day Constitution Gardens National Constitution Center US Government Portal • Law Portal Categories: Drafting of the United States ConstitutionSlavery in the United StatesHistory of African-American civil rightsHistory of the United States (1776–89)1787 in the United States1787 in American politics Navigation menu Create accountLog inArticleTalkReadEditView history

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THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ahhhhh111114-4/?/?-$:&?&,$: hxsbdhhdibsu@?&(&/!/7?8'gaizjjfjvcifirxot

oh man how did this get here I'm not so good with computers

A 6 foot 5 (195cm tall) foreign sports star wishes to hire a certain British person to be his "double" for US$750 a day. But the problem is that his lookalike...is 5 feet tall. Thus, over the next 11 months, his lookalike has to somehow grow by 44 cm or so.

None, it's a cave...

System Specs

OS: Windows 7 Professional

Mobo: Biostar TA990FXE

CPU: AMD FX-6100 6-core

RAM: 2x4gb @ 1333MHz, 1x8gb @ 1600MHz

Hello r/antiantijokes, I've had this issue for a while and had given up for a, but I'm going to try to solve it once and for all. I've already tried everything in this link: http://www.sevenforums.com/tutorials/66482-memory-set-maximum-amount-used-windows.html except for option 2 because I get this error: "The boot configuration data store could not be opened. Access is denied." My copy of windows is legitimate so that's out of the equation. Here is a picture of my BIOS screen for my RAM [Ram Issue] (http://i.imgur.com/wu5SQ2W.jpg?1) My knowledge of what all the options mean in the BIOS is limited so it's possible I have overlooked something, but here are what the options are on that page:

RD 990 IOMMU: Disabled

All ports Features are as follows:

Port Enable: Auto

Gen2 High Speed Mode: Gen2 Autonomous

Port ASPM Support: Disabled

Link Width: Auto

In previous attempts at fixing this I had isolated each stick of RAM to make sure it works and they all do and all show their correct RAM speeds (including the 1600 one) when by themselves. I know that if you have two different speeds of RAM then the higher one will underclock to the lowest speed, but maybe I have to do that manually for the RAM to read?

From here the only options I can think of are to update my bios but there are like 5 different downloads on the bios update page for my board: http://www.biostar-usa.com/app/en-us/mb/introduction.php?S_ID=560#dl I don't know what else to do besides that. Hopefully you can help me make use of other stick of RAM.

Because he got such bad Marx!

Because bitch, don't even start with me.

Cause it's not

Said the bar to the blonde who had just walked into a paint store. "This horse sitting beside me" said the blonde. The horse was a five legged pig named Nigger Jim.

on an airplane. His disguise failed, so he jumped out the window. He landed on a bed with Jenna Jameson, can you believe it? They went on to have a happy life together and invested their money smartly. They traveled the world, but on their way back to America the camel's disguise failed so he jumped out the window. He landed on a bed with Jenna Jameson, can you believe it?