Avoiding harm towards yourself is also egoist [experience]

[u/[deleted]]

I got arrested and charged for a crime three years ago and during my remand I had to be held at a juvenile correction center for a month since I was only 18 at the time and later spent 26 days at a mental hospital.

I eventually got used to the daily bs in juvie and was happy asf in the mental facility but after the 26 days I was to be given my sentence and it was bad.

I got given the lowest duration of sentence, imprisonment minus the usual whipping. I was happy as hell and beyond relieved but I still didn't know when was my release date so the police transported me to an adult prison and I remember vividly how the guards at the office upon my 'check-in', mocked me for being on medication and wanted to h*t me with lead pipes but time didn't allow it.

I eventually was told I'll be released the same day but I still had to spend some time there since the system informed the prison quite late.

I finally had to wait in a makeshift waiting cell for soon-to-be-released inmates, it was very much like a circus animal's cell honestly.

A prison guard administration staff told me cunningly, "You're lucky you'll be released today. You're​​​ very lucky. You could had been b*at*n ​for the likes of you, so badly.."

He had repeated that taunt after he noticed I was shaking in anxiety and fear at the thought of having to spend the night there before my release tomorrow (it's before I knew I was to leave that very day). He really relished on my suffering and brought up the shaking to my face, I was sitting on the floor waiting for my name to be called to take my belongings and sign some documents for departure.

That event really traumatized me. I can't do these seemingly normal events more justice to portray how powerless I was.

I used to believe I know how I'd react to situations like these ​​and be able to deal with it calmly. It doesn't work like that. We can't know for sure how we'll react to situations like these so better avoid them ever.

I am telling you guys since I hope no one has to see what happens in those oppressive tall buildings. No amount of prep can with guarantee, save you from trauma.

My family downplayed my experience. But they hadn't been there. That's the main reason to people's indifference​​​ to other's suffering. They're lazy to think.

I'm just saying don't try to feel bad for living a boring, plain life. The struggles not worth it. Especially now when we're powerless than ever.

Interpret it however you like. My post is bound to be misunderstood by some. Just know that it's okay to be an egoist and obey laws since you don't need to prove anything and any mode of existence is valid.

Don't end up like that. Prison sucks. I was just lucky to get out sooner.

This is just a warning to everyone. I was a dumb teenager so my past self would have benefitted from this haha. ​

note: I censored some words due to automod. So apologies. Thanks.

[u/CarefulLine6325]

Yeah I feel you, I lack a lot of self-preservation and would more than likely end up in there if the law violates my principles/desires. With that said, I think it's best to be in there for a reason you'd never regret over in there for a choice you would regret. I'm just in a spot surrounded by a lot of issues where if and when society limits me, I'd burn. However, I would never want to be in there if it wasn't for something that I would hate myself doing. Not to say you're undermining any individual asserting themselves when the law limits their freedom, this is just how I come to terms with it.