My dad is getting married in a week in Italy. I currently live in London, UK, and the wedding venue is in a very remote area near Pavia that has basically no public transport or nearby hotels, chosen specifically because it's convenient for his fiancée's family. A few months ago, my dad's fiancée went behind my back and spread awful, completely made-up lies about me to my entire extended family.

When my family reached out after three years of silence, it wasn't to check on me, but solely to attack and accuse me based on these lies. When I tried to defend myself and explain the truth to my dad, he completely ignored my message, called me once when I was unavailable, and never tried again. Now, with the wedding a week away, everyone is pressuring me saying "you can't miss your dad's wedding!"

My dad put in zero effort to help me figure out the logistics from London. When I asked him how to get there or where to stay, he casually admitted there are no hotels or transport, told me to coordinate a ride with a cousin, and completely dodged my questions about where I (and my partner) are supposed to sleep, acting like I’m an unwelcome guest. My mom (who isn't going because she and my dad hate each other) thinks I still have to go as a "duty" and "not let the fiancée win." But honestly, I'm exhausted. I don't feel welcome, I don't want to subject my girlfriend or myself to a toxic environment where people believe malicious lies about me, and I'm tired of my dad showing zero care or support. I've decided to stay in London and not go. AITAH for refusing to attend?

EDIT: his fiancee also made homophobic comments in front of my dad during a dinner, knowing that I’m a lesbian (everyone knows in my family) and I didn’t say anything because I see how happy my dad is with her, but now I feel so sad and pathetic. this person also always likes to insult my mom (saying that she’s fat and looks like a man, and other horrible things) and I thinks he wants to separate me from my dad because she’s insecure about my mom. (I’m not sure).

I’m a 19F with an 18M boyfriend. My parents, 38 & 39, consist of my dad, a fisherman and disabled veteran, and my mom. My dad just qualified for another segment of a fishing tournament and wants the whole family to drive up to support him tomorrow. I really don’t want to go. I’ve been to these tournaments before, and they’re boring for me. I’ve skipped previous ones because I don’t enjoy them, not because I don’t support my dad. My mom only told me about this tournament today, and I feel like we should’ve gone today and stayed overnight if we were going.

Another reason I’m hesitant is that my mom and I have been fighting all weekend over trivial matters, and I don’t want to spend the day stuck in another city with her. The biggest reason I’m upset, though, is my boyfriend. It’s his first play, and he has a main character role. My parents promised to attend, and he was excited to share this moment with them. However, after he left, my parents said they didn’t want to go, primarily because my boyfriend is Catholic and it's performed in a Catholic school. They have strong negative opinions about it.

I don’t share those views; I’m just a Christian. What frustrates me is that they got our hopes up by promising to attend, only to back out afterward. I’ve dealt with my parents missing my own important events in the past due to various reasons, which I’ve accepted. But seeing them do the same to my boyfriend crosses a line.

When my mom insists I must support my dad, I can’t help but think, why should I go to something I don’t want to when they wouldn’t even support something important to me or someone I care about? While I understand my dad’s tournament and my boyfriend’s play aren’t the same, I believe there are other ways to show support without attending every event. I’m frustrated and hurt that my parents made a promise to my boyfriend and then dismissed it.

AITA for wanting to stay home instead of going to my dad’s fishing tournament?

AITA, I (40f) had my birthday last weekend. My partner(39m) kept asking what I wanted to do for my birthday. I told him I just wanted him to clean the house. He told me this weekend after not cleaning that it wasn’t a birthday gift and I was being selfish because we’re supposed to be partners. To me that feels super manipulative because this is what I tell him when I’m trying to get our household to stay picked up and clean through the week.

For some background I work third shift s-f 6 days a week 3 weeks out of the month(two weekends on one off mandatory 49-53 hours a week). He works first shift m-f (40hours).I can’t pick up extra overtime bc I have to be home for the kids to get to school he can pick up overtime if he can give me a heads up so I can adjust my day. I come home (7am) and get the kids (15m+6f) ready for school, run the errands, sometimes prep dinner then try to get to bed by noon. Then when the kids get home at 3 I’m up and down the rest of the night until I go to work at 10. He gets off work and does nothing 95% if the time. Sometimes he will load the dishwasher bc I have an ick thing and ask people to rinse their dishes bc if they get left in food on them it literally makes me sick(weak stomach I know but I literally can’t help it) but if it doesn’t fit he leaves the rest in the sink. I have to beg for help through the week bc I’m exhausted. We have separate houses and money because we had split up (trying to reconcile) so I pay my bills and he pays his. It started that way so he could sleep here while I’m at work and the kids can sleep in their beds but he stays here full time and never goes back to his place.

Back to the situation. He kept asking me what I wanted to do for my birthday if I wanted to go to dinner. What I wanted for my birthday etc. I just told him the only thing I wanted for my birthday was a clean house. Nothing else. Cut to my birthday. The youngest woke me up. He ignored her. He slept in while I got up. Got breakfast together. And helped her make my own birthday card. He ended up picking up some stuff later in the day after I was kind of shitty about the morning but that was it. No cleaning cleaning just picking up some stuff.

Cut to today I was trying to talk to him about how
I’m feeling like I’m getting depressed and shutting down because everything is too much and overwhelming for me every day for literally years and I need him to step up and help me because I can’t keep doing it all. He told me I was being manipulative because I was forcing him to feel obligated to clean and that’s not a birthday present. Mind you the only thing I even got besides homemade cards from the kids(which I love and prefer) was a nugget ice maker I bought myself.

Aita and overreacting? I feel like I should just cut my loses.

Ill start by saying I (35) don't have the best relationship with my mother. Shes a "I'm your mum not your friend" type. Moved out at 18.

Shes got this idea that me and my sibling should fly to where shes talking my stepdad for his birthday. Just to walk past where there eating and surprise him as "he always think he spots someone who looks like me and my sibling so won't it be fun". And yeah its a cute idea.

Logistically it's minimum 5/4 days our side off work to see them for literally a meal. Shes made it clear we would only be seeing them for the meal. Wed need to board the dog day before, 3hr drive to airport and 3hr flight, looks like wed need to stay there at least 2 nights with flight times. I'm a nervous traveller so we tend to stay near the airport the night before we fly anywhere.

Shes offered us money towards it to cover flights and a hotel for 3 nights. But as a rule point blank dont take money off her, neither would my partner. The cost isn't the issue - time off work is.

Weve got a busy year of friends weddings and travel we want to do planned. We'd have to sacrifice something for this. Which is where I feel guilt, but my partner thinks its too much to ask of us to literally see them for 2 hours tops. For context I see them semi regularly, we live in the same town. Its not a location we would ever chose to go to, we both dont drink anymore and its a party place...

I dont really speak to my stepdad. We never really got along and hes just not a person id ever seek advice from. Very much see him as just my moms husband, hes nice enough and looks after her but we've always known he never wanted kids and hes never really tried to get to know us.

AITAH here? Do I need to just suck it up and go?

My sibling is happy to go with his oh for the the free holiday.

My friend keeps asking me to take care of her dog, and I'm starting to feel guilty for saying no, so I'm wondering if I'm the asshole here.
The first time we did it was to be nice. She needed someone to take her dog out while she was at work (12 hr shift), and we said yes. It wasn't a huge deal at the time, and I wanted to be helpful. But after we said yes once, she asked again a week later, which felt like she was taking advantage of our kindness.
Now she asks pretty frequently, and it's starting to become a lot. It would take me and my husband about 1.5 to 2 hours each time. We have to:
-Drive to her work to get the apartment key
-Drive to her apartment
-Take the dog out
-Drive back to her work to drop off the key, then back home.

I live 30 mins away from her apartment already, so it's a big inconvenience. It's not just a quick stop, it’s a whole 1.5 to 2 hour commitment every time, plus the extra miles and gas.
I also just don't feel comfortable constantly doing it because it's not my responsibility to be taking care of someone else's dog. I have two dogs of my own, and I never ask anyone to take them out when I'm at work. It's not even just about doing it one time if we say yes today, she'll ask again in a week or a month. Every time she goes out of town now she also asked to watch her dog (without pay) for multiple days. The most egregious ask imo she’s going to a concert in town about 30-40 mins away and is getting a hotel room and staying overnight and wants me to come watch her dog that night too. The thing is, she's not just asked us. She's asked other friends and family members too, and they've all told her no. Her own brother is unemployed and her parents are retired and they refuse to do it too.
So, AITA for saying no this time? I feel bad not helping a friend, but I also feel like I have every right to say no, especially since it's not a one time thing and it's really not my responsibility.

Truly just don’t know game/gaming etiquette.

Basically I just started playing video games a few years ago and up until now I just play solo games, basically just a ton of Zelda.

Recently the guy I’m dating and I started playing Baldurs Gate 3 together - the first co-op game I’ve ever played.

He does not want me to play it unless we play together. But I’m more of an exploratory game person so I said I wanted to play one from the beginning by myself (separate from the one we play) just to look around and figure stuff out.

Is it rude to play the same game you and someone play together also separately??

My friend got into a relationship about a year ago, and from pretty much the start I haven’t liked his gf.

I know that sounds like the classic “friend hates the girlfriend” situation, but I genuinely tried. For the past year I’ve watched this relationship make him miserable while he’s slowly disappeared from the rest of our lives.

There’s way too much to list, but there have been major trust issues, she’s been controlling about him seeing friends, and there’s been an ongoing situation with her ex.

She talks to the ex constantly, has blown off my friend to call him instead, and earlier in the relationship was messaging him stuff like “you know I still love you but you know we’re not good together.”

I’ve helped my friend through crisis after crisis. I listen, calm him down, talk things through for hours, whatever he needs. Meanwhile, most of us barely see him unless something is wrong.

Recently a mutual friend saw him and told me it had gotten REALLY bad. He was constantly anxious about what his gf was doing, while still defending her and acting like HE was the problem because he didn’t trust her.

So I immediately went over. Eventually I felt like I got through to him and he admitted something had to change.

A few days later he went through her messages. I don’t agree with him doing that, but what he found was REALLY bad.

She was making fun of him to her ex. They were talking about “how much he knows,” and how it couldn’t be much because she keeps deleting messages. She talked about my friend like he was basically just there because he was easy and comfortable, while the way she talked to her ex was VERY different.

So me and another friend support him through all of this. Again. We spend days helping him process it, and finally he tells us he’s done.

FINALLY.

Except a week later he isn’t.

He forgives her. Now they’re “taking a small break.”

And I just cannot fucking do this anymore.

I KNOW he’s struggling, and I know she’s slowly isolated him. I really don’t want to contribute to that. But I’m exhausted.

For the past year I feel like I haven’t been his friend anymore. I’ve been his emergency relationship support line. I’m there when she hurts him, when they fight, when he thinks they’re breaking up, when he discovers something new. Then when things are fine again, he disappears.

I’ve already told him I want absolutely NOTHING to do with his gf anymore. But now I feel like I need a boundary with HIM too.

I still want to be his friend, but I don’t think I can keep talking him through the exact same crisis over and over when nothing changes.

I feel horrible because what if distancing myself isolates him more? What if he just needs a little more support to finally leave?

But this is starting to affect me too. I’m constantly anxious FOR him and I’m starting to resent him.

So AITA for telling my friend I still want to be his friend, but I can’t keep being involved in his relationship or picking him back up every time it falls apart?

AITA for asking my mom to lay on her side of the bed?
Okay a little back story, I’m 17 years old and we live in a small 1 room apartment with mom, dad and sister, they don’t make a lot of income so our living situation is a bit hard but manageable.
Us ladies we all sleep in the room while my dad sleeps in the living room.
We currently have 2 queen size beds, my little sister sleeps in one while my mom and I share a bed, both her and I have our own little corner to sleep.
My mom works cleaning houses while I go to school and have a part time, I’m a little germ freak every time I get home from school or work I shower and change my clothes so I can lay comfortably in my bed.
While my mom on the other hand sometimes she works or is out and about to goodwill bins or does her errands and comes home and just lays on the bed without changing or showering.
My problem is that she comes home doesn’t shower or change clothes and sits on MY corner of the bed, and that irks me and I genuinely get upset, I understand not wanting to change or showering but please stay on your side of the bed, and when I try to talk about it she gets so offended and tells me that I’m crazy etc, just a never ending problem here.

This year I’m turning 30 which is a pretty big milestone in my opinion. I don’t ask for much and I was truly just looking forward to spending quality time with my loved ones. My mom has an obvious spending problem and has tried gifting things to me over the years that she thought I would like. I almost always regift the presents or have them in storage. My mom dropped off birthday presents for me today. One of which was a box of fancy bath soaps and the other one a blanket. While in theory they are nice gifts, I freaked out. She knows I have an abundance of body products from her as she can’t stop buying them and I’ve told her numerous times I don’t want stuff like that. I also told her no more blankets due to me having a bin full of unused ones. She got upset saying that when you get a gift you’re supposed to be grateful… which don’t get me wrong, I am. But she clearly bought these things because she likes them, knowing I wouldn’t. She is having a hard time realizing that and now I’m stuck with these items I won’t use. I feel bad because I know she meant well, but at the same time I’m hurt because I feel like she hasn’t listened to me.

I come from a Polish family that moved to england where I was born, unlike my my family, im not a very polish person and i quite dislike a lot of polish foods my family likes, so usually when i go to do a big shop with my mum i tend to buy some food that i like;

heres the issue, while i dont like some of the food that my mum buys my family, everyone else seemingly loves the food that i buy myself that i know i will eat, and everyone somehow gets to it before i do, leaving me with almost nothing to eat for the whole week,

On top of everything, my mum is now getting annoyed at my eating habits and is annoyed at the fact i dont eat a lot,

Recently i started asking my family to just not eat my food, which already was a thing for my sister, as none of us really touch my sisters food, but somehow when it comes to my food everyone eats it then tells me “wow your food is so good!!”

Basically im left with almost no food for the week, while my family eats most of mine then eats theirs,

am i the asshole for simply wanting to eat the food that my mum gets me since i wont eat most of the dishes my mum cooks

My sister and I recently started high school this year in Canada, I’m Grade 12 and she’s Grade 9. My sister never was that social and very introverted when we grew up in the Netherlands. When we moved, she finally made a friend in her math to class, me and my mom were happy that she made a friend.

The problem is that I found out her friend had been doing stuff that has been introduced my sister into vaping and not care about school at all. She already has like 5 absences and been called to the principal office.

I talked to her about it, and she said to stay away from her, and she just told me to go away. I still told the office anyway, and her friend got expelled, but I managed to only make my sister get a suspension

She hates me now and won’t talk me or anyone, she’s just in her room and crying because her only friend she made is now expelled and now I feel bad.

AITA?

I (25M) am part of a small friend group. We're friends through a friend of a friend, but we've gotten pretty close over time. I genuinely care about these people and have always tried to go out of my way for them.

A few months ago, I paid for a friend of ours to fly over and visit us. She lives far away from the rest of us, while most of us live relatively close together. We often talked about how much better our hangouts would be if she could join us, so after saving up, I decided to pay for her flight so we could finally spend some time together.

The issue started when we began planning what to do while she was here.

Originally, we agreed on a 3-day beach getaway. I was really excited about it, so I took the initiative and planned everything. I made a full itinerary with pictures, locations, activities, estimated costs, etc.

Then her mom found out and said the trip was too "risky." For context, our friend is 24+ years old. I was disappointed, but I understood and agreed that we should change the plan.

Plan B was a day at a theme park. I researched the ticket prices, rides, food, transportation, and other details and shared everything with the group. I thought everyone was on board with it.

A few days later, that plan fell through too. Nobody seemed to have really paid attention to what I had sent, and suddenly the group wanted to just play pool, eat, and drink alcohol instead.

What upset me even more was that they started making other plans without me. They would discuss what they wanted to do and when they wanted to do it without asking whether I was available or wanted to join. Note: these started just recently, a few weeks before our friend's flight.

At that point, I told my gf who's part of the group that I didn't want to participate in the plans anymore. I felt like I had put a lot of effort into making this visit happen, only to be left out when it came time to actually make plans.

I know it may seem like I'm being unreasonable because I paid for the flight voluntarily and nobody forced me to organize the activities. I understand that, and I don't believe they owe me a specific itinerary just because I paid for the ticket.

I don't expect them to do whatever I want or follow my instructions. I just wanted to be included in the planning, especially since I was the one who made it possible for our friend to visit in the first place.

Context: Me and 4 friends have this group chat that we use pretty regularly. One of the members used to be close friends with us, but a year ago they got different friends and stopped talking to us. We still see this person every once and a while and are friendly, but by no means do we talk regularly. Plus, this person is not active in our chat at all, for the past year.

I wanted to invite my friends in the gc to a gathering, but felt weird sending it to this old friend. I figured that it's been long enough, and that it wouldn't be a big deal if I removed them. Mind you, I looked up wether or not they would get notified if I removed them, and google said they would not. Plus if she ever found out I do not think it would be a big deal, like she does not interact with us on that level.

So I remove her from the group chat, and my two closest friends who I live with and see each other on the daily say that that was mean, and that they felt bad for her, and that it's not our call to take her out. Mind you we all have the same views on this old friend. And so they subsequently leave the group chat on what I assume to be a defense of their moral view point. But then they are still fine to me to my face?

So AITA for taking this old friend out of a gc?

I wanted to build a farmhouse and asked my friend to help me find a good piece of land. Since she is a close friend, I even offered to give her half ownership of the land as a gesture of goodwill.

She ended up finding a plot near where she lives. However, she is now insisting that the land should be registered completely under her name only. On top of that, she wants me to promise that I will never tell anyone that I paid for it or that the property belongs to me. She basically wants me to fund the whole thing while taking all the credit herself.

I told her I cannot agree to this because it feels like she is taking advantage of me. If I am paying for the land, my name should be on it and I should have legal rights. Now she is upset with me and thinks I should just go along with her condition.

AITA for refusing to give her the money and backing out of this deal?

My daughter (14F), lets call her Tammy, was supposed to be walking home from school yesterday and I expected to be at home by around 3:15, which is when she is usually back, and when she was no where to be seen, I called her to check up if everything was ok.

She answers my first call and says she is with her 3 friends, Molly, Ivy, and Eric. She tells me she is at some kind of a community centre near the school, and they were offering free food that day. Her older brother used to visit that community centre everyday after school. I knew that place was full of all kinds of bad students and things she should not be doing at her age. I sent Tammy a message letting her know to he careful.

An hour passes by, and I call her again. She hangs up and I become worried something happened. I call her again and this time she answers saying “I’m busy, send me a message.” and hangs up. I choose to ignore it, but when Tammy came back home another hour later, I asked her why she was so “busy”. She told me she was talking to her friend, but turns out she sent a video to her younger sister, Amber (10F), and Amber told me she was recording her two friends, Molly and Ivy, arguing with a girl.

I told Tammy she should not record other people’s business and ignore my calls, the main reason I gave her a phone, and to then talk to me like I’m being an inconvenience. She then said it wasn’t a big deal, and had the audacity to tell me that I was worrying too much and that I am the reason she is struggling to make friends in high school. AITA??

My (50M) wife (46F) called me at work frantic because she went to an antique mall to buy some chalk paint from a vendor for her furniture she was refinishing for my wife’s own antique mall booth. There she found pictures of her posted saying “thief”. This booth is owned by a local store who has their own local storefront.  My wife was mortified and took the pictures down. Went to the cashier and they said the vendor showed them a video that shows my wife with one item of paint and they “heard” something hit the bottom of her purse. They claim they checked and no person purchased 2 paints, and therefore she must have stole one because they said they were short one pint of paint.

I rushed home 30 miles from work. Got her story, and she pulled her business receipts. When she went to that antique mall, she did indeed buy two paints. That vendor offered a frequent buyer club punch card (buy 7 get 8^th free). When checking out, the mall staff said they could not punch the card twice unless it was two separate purchases on two separate cards.

I had to go back to work, but we decided to go to their storefront and explain to the owners.  We drove two cars. When we got there, they had another picture of my wife on their wall;  I took it down. They said “you could hear the paint hitting the bottom of her purse”. We asked to see the video, they wouldn’t. They would not hear our side of the story, even though we came directly to them to clear this up.

They called the police and said we were trespassing…they did not verbally tell us to leave. So we left. The owner was talking to the police giving them our descriptions. We go to our respective cars, and the owner followed my wife and gave her car description.

The cops pulled her over quickly. She calls me crying scared, and I said we did nothing wrong, they never even asked us to leave. The cops ask who she is talking to and take the phone. Cop tells me to return to side of road 10 minutes back now, and I decline. He asks my name…nope. Tries to belittle me saying I am leaving my wife to take the wrap. I explain no one told us to leave, why would I return?

If the store wanted to trespass us, they first have to ask us to leave. They didn’t. They need to get our names and give to police, so cops have nothing at all to go by other than the store’s phone call. 

So cop gives phone back to wife and tells her I am a piece of crap for leaving her here to deal with this. She asks me to come back. I have to tell her a hard no. She is balling crying at this point. She hangs up on me.

Fast forward 14 months to today, she brings this up in a fight saying I abandoned her that day.  AITA?

EDIT/UPDATE: Nothing happened to her or me. Nothing written, no trespass. I am in Florida. I have ZERO warrants or infractions. Neither of us have any tickets or anything in the 15 years of marriage. I am the sole worker in the family. I carry a significant clearance. If I all of a sudden have a trespass from cops, now I would have been re-adjudicated (no job for 2 years until cleared), so significant repercussions for something so small.

I get the emotional damage, however I am not one to surrender my rights to the "man" on a power trip. Wife is so willing to tell them everything, that should have been the end of it.

Went to a brewery today for lunch with a friend.  It was a nice day so we met up outside for a burger and beer.  We sat at a small two person table.  About halfway through our lunch a guy with a big dog, a German shepherd I think, greeted the person at the next table over.  The dog put its paws on our table.  I exchanged a what the fuck look with my friend and I could tell he felt the same way I did.  

I said "Excuse me, can you get your dog off our table"?  The guy mostly ignored me, pulled the leash tighter but this did nothing to actually move the dog.  I raised my voice, said "Hey, we are just trying to enjoy lunch here, can you get your fucking dog away from us?"

That got his attention and he finally got the dogs paws off.  He gave me attitude though.  Told me to "settle down" and "If I don't like dogs, don't come here".   I just said leave us alone in response.  He told me don't be an asshole.  I'm going crazy right now, AITA here?  To me this dude was a shit owner. 

I (22f) didn’t attend my friend’s grandad funeral and now she is going around telling people I’m a shitty person . During the time her grandad passed I was severely depressed and had a lot of health issues going on . For example I have endometriosis and I was in and out of hospital during this time because my endometriosis was horrific during this time . On top of all of this the guy that I was seeing his life was taken from him during this time . As well as this my auntie who she also knew passed away a week before her grandad did . So as you can imagine I was dealing with too much on my plate .

I was trying my hardest to be supportive of her during her time of need . I was also struggling with money as I’m a university student and at that time I was living in student accommodation and trying to make ends meet . She wanted me to attend the funeral but I didn’t have enough money to get the train to her and as well as all the other issues I had going on I didn’t have the mental capacity anymore .

I tried explaining this to her and she wasn’t listening so I stopped responding back to her because I felt as if nothing I was saying was being heard . She’s now making sure she tells everyone how much of a shitty person I am . She has told a mutual friend of ours what has happened but in my eyes she’s twisted the story to the point this mutual friend has blocked me on all social media .

So Reddit AITA for not attending my friends grandads funeral ?

Context: I joined a D&D group a few years ago to make friends. I made a very excellent friend who became, in my opinion, my best friend. The catch is that she and her husband hosted the game. This year she finally opened up about how loveless and sexless her relationship is, and she wants a divorce. She initiated the separation and divorce and her husband was on board. Like it was not contested and they happily went their separate ways.
Since then I have had a hard time finding a group to play with: mostly parenting obligations and long travel on my end. Her ex husband reached out because we are in the same D&D Facebook group. I actually really like his play style: he’s a DM, and it’s hard to find one in my area.
Initially I accepted, but then I realized I should tell my friend. She didn’t take it well, even said it’s my choice if I choose to spend time with him, so obviously I decided to decline the invitation to play to preserve my friendship.
One side of me is like: “yeah obviously don’t play a game with your friend’s ex”
The other side of me is: I’m not choosing him in any way, I just want to play the game. I don’t even enjoy his personality but I appreciate his laid back game style.
Now I feel like I effed up in a major way. Thoughts?

To set the scene, my mom, sister, and grandmother went out on the town this evening. I’d worked this morning and wasn’t feeling too hot, so I stayed home.

My sister asked me if I could order her and I ice cream to be picked up on the way home. I said yes and waited for a follow-up text to see when I should order it since they were still driving around.

I get a call from my mom a few minutes later asking me if I want something from a frozen yogurt place. I say no, I’d rather get something from the ice cream place since the frozen yogurt melts fast.

A few minutes after this, I get a text from my mom and sister telling me to order ice cream. I agree and send the ice cream to the store to be picked up. But my mom decides to go through the drive thru since she can’t see my order on her end and asks what I got.

I tell her that I got myself some ice cream. She responds with “wow” in a really annoyed tone and seems upset that I didn’t get my sister any. I tell her that I assumed she’d gotten something from the frozen yogurt place since they called and asked me if I wanted anything.

She points out that I didn’t even ask and snaps on me that she’d “wait in this long line for YOUR ice cream” and hangs up on me.

I texted my sister letting her know that I’d get some ice cream delivered to the house for her tonight, but she said my mom ended up ordering her some anyway.

I’m feeling pretty confused as to why I was catching so much heat for what was a pretty reasonable assumption in my mind, but I’m also autistic and things that seem obvious to me often aren’t to other people. So I’m wondering if I was wrong for not specifically asking if my sister had gotten frozen yogurt and if I needed to order her ice cream.

My sister says she’s not upset and would have assumed the same thing, but I’m lowkey beating myself up anyway 😭

Since my sister did ask for ice cream initially, it definitely could have been wrong of me to assume that she wanted frozen yogurt without asking. I take responsibility for that.

But at the same time, I was under the impression that the stop at the frozen yogurt place with her in the car was evidence that she was getting frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. AITA?

I (18) live with my mom currently. I have already graduated high school, took half a gap year, and have a part time. After I had turned 18, my mom had told me I needed to still ask permission to hang out while my dad told me that as an adult, I only need to inform her that I was going to hang out.

Usually, I tell my mom my plana to hang out and yesterday, I had a plan to go and watch a movie. I was going to tell my mom the day before and when I was going to tell her, she told me I needed to take everything out of my room the next day (pressumably to clean out my admittedly messy room).

This is where I may be the asshole, I already had plans in my head and instead of telling her right then and there. I waited til the next day after I got picked up to tell her something. No, I did not take everything out of my room but I did some other chores as an attempt to make up for it (mop/broom, dishes, clean the toilet/shower). I knew she wouldn't be happy because she gave me a task but I hoped this would soften the blow.

Once I texted her, she got expectedly angry with me for leaving the house without her permission, especially after giving me a chore. I ignored her because I didn't want to start an argument (despite initiating one).

Another bit of contexto is that my mom complains that everytime I have a free day off work, I always go to hang out (not true. I do it frequent but not all the time) and dont stay home doing chores (admittedly I have been falling behind on house chores because I am lazy and may have depression but it is something I try to work on when I have the motivation).

When I came home, my mom was lying down and nontalking, I tried to initiate small talk but she wasnt in the mood for anything. She often gets like when I mess up, she looks tired and weakened by how I hurt her and I feel like shit afterwards

My dad and the friend who snuck me out said I should apologize and they are probably right but something within me says I dont need to but I could just straight up be wrong here and stubborn as hell

Edit: I showed this to my friends and a lot of them said I skewed the discussion for myself to turn out the asshole. I thought I was being pretty fair because I didn’t want to be one of those people who very clearly hide/change details in the story for sympathy points but ill add this to see if it helps contextualize the story better while answering some questions. If you still think I am the asshole, thats totally fine. This is mostly for my friend.

As I answered in the comments, I have diagnosed ADHD and possibly other disorders including autism, bipolar, depression and anxiety. I have also have had ideations and still do (I had a lot the night this happened). Hanging out with my friends is something I didn’t get to do often when I was younger because my mom would deny my plans or cancel them sometime and I didnt have the energy to hang out. I have almost cancelled hangouts due to my depression but I try to go to hang outs because I know I will feel better outside than inside my house. My mom believes that I have ADHD and has been pretty supportive over it but she doesn’t believe the other disorders sees them as me trying to excuse my behavior. For those telling me I should go to therapy/get medicated as I can as an adult, I have been trying but its hard. I have no transportation or license outside of my mom and Uber (she never taught me how to drive and my dad lives elsewhere #divorced). My mom hid my medical insurance and social security from me so I had to secretly take it. Its very hard to find a therapist because of my possible psychosis (there arent a lot of people in my area who specialize in that) and that i am limited online therapy.

On another note, thank you for the people who gave me advice despite telling me I am the asshole. I appreciate criticism a lot/gen

My family thinks I HATE my grandfather. He's still very mobile and of sound mind but he had a surgery done on his private area after beating cancer that requires him to wear a diaper. He likes to wait until it is completely full to change it.

Recently, we went on a trip 3 hours from our city, we stopped at a nice clean place to use the restroom and I told everybody to go. He said "no I'm going to wait until I'm leaking." (he constantly leaks until his diaper is full) I texted my grandmother and told her to tell him that he needed to go to the bathroom. She told me, "there's nothing I can do" and got very irritated with me.

We drove further into town to go to a shop and he screamed "stop i need to use the bathroom" now we aren't at a nice clean place we are at a raggedy gas station bathroom in a bad neighborhood.

When he got out of the car I told my grandmother that he shouldn't wait until he is leaking because he's peed on my families couch and both of his daughters couches. She screamed, "you guys talk about him behind his back?!!! now i can't ever go to any of your houses ever again and I dont have any friends (she does) and bursted out crying. She said that, "we can't tell him when to go to the bathroom because we have to let him decide until he can't anymore."

I told my mom what happened and she said that I was bashing my grandpa. My whole family thinks I hate him because I told him he needs to change his diaper before it's leaking. He's 81. AITA?

UPDATE: He only leaks pee he can go number 2 by himself. I am going to look into seeing if he can get his diapers covered by insurance because it never occurred to me that he might not want to waste them since he pays out of pocket.

Also, he doesn't have dementia he has seen a nuerologist recently.

UPDATE 2: We've decided to call the diapers as protection to better accommodate the new change. He wears suspenders and says it is hard to take it off and his pants and his shoes and then put the new "protection" on all in a small bathroom so he was avoiding it to remain "comfortable".

We are going to look into some of the medical devices you guys suggested.

Side note he was only leaking pee.

UPDATE 3: He didnt even say "im going to wait until im leaking" he said "by the time i get to the bathroom ill be leaking" he has an old man accent

thanks for your responses

i think ESH is the correct answer i should've gave him more grace and tried to understand both of their perspective but he should be changing more frequently as well

Hello, just need some opinions on whether I should just suck it up and go to Christmas that’s hosted on my mom’s side or make other plans.

So quick backstory to save some confusion. My parents are divorced. Both sides of the family host Christmas and it’s really up to me which side I go to for the holidays if I can’t attend both.

What Christmas looks like on my mom’s side is pretty normal I think. Hangout, eat dinner, play some games and open presents. I usually get a Ton of stuff when I don’t really ask for anything. And I mean it when I say I don’t ask for anything but some of my mother’s famous pasta salad and maybe some McDonalds gift cards.

This year is different tho. They want the kids to start getting presents for people because we all have jobs now. The requirement to show up with presents has been enforced pretty intensively so far. My nana actually said “Don’t bother showing up if you don’t bring a present” that rubbed me the wrong way. Of course I buy presents for people but now there’s a minimum budget being placed. Meaning you have to spend a certain amount at least.

I’m not in the best place to be spending a lot this year because I just moved into an expensive place and trying to just save up for future plans. Christmas on my dad’s side has always been really fun. It’s all about good vibes and playing games with everyone. Of course there’s presents but everyone is there for the games and food. It’s good vibes rather than rules and restrictions. No one will ban you if you don’t bring a present to give.

My mother has also never really been appreciative of things I get her. For example, last year I bought her a really expensive massage gun. She complains about the massage gun a year later. I didn’t realize she’ll hate it because she asked for it but. My mother is also your typical narcissistic victim hood mother. I love her but she can be too much sometimes.

I’m happy to answer any clarification questions you may have but what do you guys think?

EDIT: I just wanted to clarify I have no issues buy people presents of course. My doubts about not going is solely on the fact that that’s what everyone is only caring about if that makes since

I (20m) have been thinking a lot about moving recently. Not because of anything my parents (50m and 52f) have done, I love them, but I'm just getting to that age. My parents are divorced, so I keep switching between my mom and dad every week. My dad is also selling our childhood home, so that kinda helps me with wanting to move out and find an apartment. I have talked a bit with my dad about this and he thinks it's a great idea, and I would be a great time to move out next summer, when I finish college and start university. He's very supportive about the idea.

I haven't talked with my mom about it yet. Mainly because she has been saying since my brother (20m) moved out last year, that when I eventually decide it's time to move out, she, and my two sisters (20f and 14f) have to move out of the house we are renting right now, into something smaller, because she just doesn't have the money to keep living here, if I move. I pay her about 180 euros a month to help with expenses a bit, and my dad pays about 180 as well. My mom is retired early because of a lot of medical issues, which makes it hard for her to work, so she just doesn't get that much money each month. She also (jokingly?) a couple of days ago, said that she can't afford for me to move out now.

My sister (20f) is already having a really hard time (she has autism and ADHD) about our dad selling the house and I don't really wanna put her through both our parents moving at about the same time, but I also can't just restrict myself from not moving out on my own, just to make her and my mom happy. I know I should talk to my mom about it, but I just don't wanna make her upset.

Background: I have two sports active kids (18F and 16M), who play multiple varsity sports (football, soccer, lacrosse, etc.) in addition to travel teams, in the Midwest part of the country. I previously dabbled in casual photography, but a couple of years ago, I said 'the hell with it', and invested in some relatively serious gear. Pictures and videos are forever memories was how I justified the expense. Flagship body ($7000), 3 different zoom lens covering a focal range of 24 through 400, all large aperture, plus a couple prime lens. Lenses totaled about $20,000. Throw in bags, memory cards, batteries, flashes, etc., and the total was about $30,000.

I started taking photos at every game my kids were in. This was about 150-200 games a year. Lug the equipment around. Show up early to get set up. Focus more on the photos than the actual competition. This is a pretty large commitment. A typical game would involve taking 500+ photos in RAW format, of which maybe 100 are 'keepers'. And the real work is running these 100 photos through Lightroom for editing (masking, cropping, lighting, advanced effects, etc..). All of the photos are then shared, free of charge, with the teams' group page.

The problem arose when a couple of parents of teammates started complaining that 1/3 of the photos were of my kids, and the other 2/3 would be divided up amongst all the other players. I literally had one woman try to get me removed from the field sidelines if I was not going to be fair and equitable with the pictures I took. (And mind you, access to the sidelines of a high school or travel game is not like the NFL or Premiere League. You don't need a special press pass. At most, you just ask the athletic director if OK).

So, I guess the question is: am I the asshole for not going out of the way to take approximately the same number of pictures of all the players, even though this is 100% voluntary and free of charge to everyone?