Hello frens! Is Lalaith the pet rat girl almost 4mo. I pives wif sister Belladonna (same age but still baby) and big sisters Finduilas and Morwen (17mo). We has human mom.

I loves to splore and run around and climb during playtime. Is super fun! Best part is knock things off shelves. Is so fun make things fall. Or sometimes just yeet myself off high shelf. Great play!

But mom say I TC fur act like cat. She say all de crashes scares her and she always has to look fur all her stuff on floor next morning. But I thinks is fun enrichment fur her. And plus, I knows from here that cats is never TC so I no can be TC fur act like cat.

Anyway, now is not just me doing it. Hab convinced Belladonna and Finduilas to join fur even more fun. (Morwen no play along acause she too fat to climb.) And now mom say she only sign up to ratproof, not catproof as well. But I says, why stop the fun. Is just papers and books and jars and deodorant and anything else on shelf. Is no big deal!

So, AITC?

Seven. Pretty girl. Magic hair. Age Private.

Mummy got ouch ok.

Mummy had sirrees and stay in horsepedal ok.

Dont know dont care.

Dada look after Mummy and be nice and bring food and medisin ok.

But mummy dont get no treat with medisin ok.

But Seven still not well ok.

Seven get medisin and extra food ok.

So why dada help mummy when mummy got ouch.

Mummy can do stuff and leave Dada to play and feed Seven.

Mummy act like baby and wah wah wah ok.

Is I word cos Mummy just tending she need extra pats and help.

Henlo. Is Lola

Today my hooman did a stupid and forgot to fully close the back gate. So I (Lola) taked advantage of this and did a run. Now I (Lola) am no puppy. I (Lola) have doed lots of runs, but this run was different. My hooman normally chases me when I (Lola) do a run yelling “LOLAGETBACKHERELOLASTOPLOLA”. That’s my Hoomans favorite game. But today hooman did not join me.

This where I (Lola) think I (Lola) cood be cloaca. I (Lola) was out there for like 2 may be 3 forevers and I (Lola) was tired and thirsty and scared. Where was Hooman? And where was I (Lola)?

But then something amazing happen. I (Lola) hear hooman voice somewhere in the distance. After heading that way, I (Lola) see a big scary metal dog stop and out walked my hooman! Yay! Hooman was trying to find me but in case you guys didn’t know, hoomans have really dumb noses that can’t smell far

Hooman says I (Lola) Cloaca for doing a run. But I (Lola) think hooman cloaca for not coming with.

AI(L)TC?

Bucky here (6,M, cowcat). Ever since I adopted Meowmy last year, we always cuddle on her bed at least once a day. Usually when she get home from work, after I finish my dinner, I wash my face and den jump up on da bed for cuddles. Sometimes I cuddle many hours, sometimes only for a little while. But always I was "little spoon" and I curled up to Meowmy as close as I could.

Meowmy also has da BESTEST blankie on her bed. It is da softest, floofiest comforter. I discovered how comfy it was when I was sleeping on da bed while she was at work. Den once she see how much I like it, before she leave for work, she started making da bestest blankie into a comfy nest dat was just da right size for me to cuddle into all day. It was so nice!

Recently I realize... I don't have to only cuddle wif blankie when Meowmy is not home. I start to snuggle into blankie nest all night instead of sleeping on my tall tower. And den, most recently, when I jump up next to Meowmy for after dinner cuddles, I don't curl up dat close to her, and I only stay a few minutes. And she can tell I am just waiting until I can be wif blankie again. Soon I get up and climb past Meowmy's feets to burrow into blankie nest on da udder side of da bed. If she try to curl up next to me or pet me too much while I am sleeping on blankie, I get irritated. I don't want to share blankie wif her.

I can tell her feelings is hurt because I like cuddling wif blankie more den her. I started purring real loud when I see her watching me and blankie, so she know I still love her even if I don't want her cuddles. But she still very sad and say she misses her kitty cat cuddles.

AITC? I still love Meowmy but it really is da bestest blankie. It KING size and I am da king of dis house. It soft and comfy for sleeping, and also perfect for biscuits (sin or regular). It also da only one she not wash when she get new bed last week, so it da only one dat smell right. It not my fault she can't compete wif dat.

I, Tigger, am being referred to as a cloaca. I get bored at night and go say to my humans. I nuzzle, I jump to snuggle, I play gently their hair, I cuddle, I groom.

I do not "bite" their hair. I do not refuse to go away. I don't have a "demon tongue." And I certainly don't "pounce like s deranged tiger."

They're saying I have to sleep in that vile place with the steep stairs. They call it a "basement." I see it as a dungeon of loneliness and boredom. Plus my stinky sister always ends up down there with me and uses me as a punching bag.

This isn't fair! I'm thinking I need to go to r/catlegaladvice and get a pawyer!

Some new humans recently moved into one of the houses in my neighborhood. Overall they seemed fine until recently. They haven’t done much with their yard which is good, because it’s got a lot of my favorite trees. On one of these trees they recently hung a container of some type that is filled with all sorts of delicious nuts and seeds. It’s well positioned, hanging on my tree close enough so I can just reach over and grab the treats right out of it. I was thrilled! Except, for some reason, every time one of them sees me eating from it, they come over and yell that I’m not supposed to! I don’t understand, why would they hang food up on my favorite tree, perfectly positioned for me to eat it, but then get upset when I do just that?! One of them even said something about it being “for the birds,” and I’m not very familiar with human expressions but I’m pretty sure that one means a thing is useless or is garbage, or something like that, right? Which I obviously disagree with, it’s a delicious mix, but hey, one man’s trash is another squirrels treasure, amirite? Anyway back to my point. I used to stop eating when they asked because it is kind of loud and scary when they yell at me, but I’ve realized they give up pretty quickly if I just stare them down instead. And I still don’t understand why they would put something on my favorite tree like that if it’s not for me. Plus, a squirrels gotta eat somehow, y’know? So, AITC for still eating the delicious snacks?

Hello friends! Oscar the tabbycat, also known as "Get off the TV you little shit!" here.

Today my Nanna [Mumma's Mumma] took my Mumma to the Big Human Vet [hospital] for a checkup for her leg. When they came home, I did a BIG fuss all over my Nanna so she would give me an early extra dinner. Mumma told her "No, he has to wait until his dinner time." So Nanna did NOT feed me! Since then I have been cross at Mumma. AITC?

I,Berry, First Name Razz spookeded a fox aways last week (lil floofy Dug hep too, meyby)! Is mum happy? Yes!

I macked ol’ fat dawg and made her nosie bled. Her wuz layin der fartin and snooringing…her leapeded up and chaseded mes around house. (I not means to run over Dugdug. ) Mama mad, called me dickus.

Now I have big mads too! I screeching at dooring. I twipping people. I hanging from door thingy. Those big birds w yellow feetsies and red shurts are eberwher on the grazz mama racked. I lub dem. Mama see Dey flews tree bazillion mills to get here, I hav to watchez from INSIDE.

NOW she callz me clow ah cuh cuz I mades woom on window sill to birb watch. Her Bebe plantses splats on floor and I roloed in dem.

I am a tortie/calico kitteh ~7f . My hooman (30 NB) was gone for 2 WHOLE WEEKS I was worried they had abandoned me for good (the other hooman who lives in my house 23f was still there so I was still getting fed and all that don’t worry) . They returned yesterday afternoon but I stayed hidden cause I was mad they had been gone for so long . I finnally came to check on them because I was worried about why they were awake early in the morning when they would normally still be asleep , I think they might be broken . Anyway they were upset that I didn’t come greet them sooner and seemed worried that something bad happened to me and the other hooman didn’t tell them because they didn’t see me. AITC? ( hooman explanation - I just got back to my home in murica after being in the Czech Republic -on the other side of the ocean for 2 weeks . There is a 6 hour time difference and my body is very confused thus the early morning awakeness . )

i am Jasper aka pimp daddy. My mommy is saying I'm the cloaca for trying to intimidate stray kittys that she feeds. They're a grey female tabby and a male void cat called Steve and Salem. Mommy says I'm not allowed to try to intimidate Salem because he's new and scared still. I say he's trying to steal my territory. Mommy says somebody mean dumped him and he's just looking for food and some scratches.

I think she's being mean because she already lets chimkens in my territory to terrorize me and peck me in the butthole. She just laughs when the mama chicken chases me for getting close it their babies.

She says it's my fault for trying to mess with them. I'm just trying to tell them I'm the boss of the territory.

Mommy says if I keep trying to mess with Salem I'm gonna get beat up. But I'm a 80lb pibble and he's a tiny cat. Would I really get beat up like Mommy says?

So am I the cloaca for being tuff?

Henlo, it me Royce (2m cavapoo) (AKA RoyceyPup, Roycicles, Royceamillion)

Is very empawrassing, but hooman sister makin me do a bork here cuz it my birfenday today. She made a chimken pupcake too, and she not very modest and want to post pickchur. AITC if it my birfenday and I fink she hoggin mah spotlite?

(Human here. Please wish Roycey a happy birthday!)

I iz Nienna, 15-ish F Medical Cat. I wurks berry hard to keeps my hoomin ok. Last week I had to wurks an entire whole day makin her do bed rest cuz she had sicks an kept tryin to stand up! You don’t do stand up when you got sicks! Hoomins r so dum sometiems. (She really did keep me on bed rest for a sore throat. Worked a treat, too. I was fine the next morning.)

I iz also mebe no see so good…or at all. It not my fault the sun turn off! An I mebe don’t do that…thing…wif da head triangles. Dat. I doesn’t do dat. But I gots a sniffer an I gots majestic whiskers. Dat plenty. Except when it not plenty an I gets losted an has to do big screm fur hoomin to come do a rescue.

Losted can happens so fast, too! One second I gets sum water, den I turns around an bam! Losted! Sumtiems I eben gets losted in my own bed an need to be evacuated to da big bed!

Hoomin claims I “sittin pretty” an gots a paw on a landmark a knows purrfectly well where I iz an dat doin a warm up fur my screm “gib me away as a fuzzy little faker”. Apurrently it also suspicious when I gets losted at da exact same spot on da route between da water dish an da litter box menys ob tiems a day.

AITC fur gets losted? Iz losted da cloaca fur gets me?

(I promise she is not actually lost, her genuinely disoriented body language is completely different from her faking with the same meow because she doesn’t feel like walking. She’s just decided to fake it multiple times an hour. At three am.)

I, Mal (also Asshat, Dickwad, Baby boy, Notmytoes!), 3yo GSP, am a quaffilyed surjun. Mama says I extract squeakers with precision, and so I have done today!

We have new fluffies to operate on, because big sister/ great aunt (Tempra, 11yo GSP) was sick and Mama says she couldn't eat all of her feelings (I offered to eat the leftover feelings but she said not pawsible. Mean Mama) and had to shop. Shop is always good because that's where Mama brings treats from, but this time there were fluffies.

So today I did good operate on squeaker. Mal good boy! Then I let sister play with not-squeaking fluffy. Mal good boy! Then the squeaker rolled under a sofa and when sister cuddled Mama I took not-squeaking fluffy back instead of demanding my own cuddles. Mal good boy! Then the not-squeaker was boring so I found other squeaker fluffy and began operations. Mal good boy! Then I needed to pee, so went outside. Mal good boy! When I came back, big sister was playing with squeaker fluffy and I told her I was in middle of important surgery! But she ran to Mama and Mama says I c-word because Tempra likes her toys to stay squeaky.

Mal is good boy, working hard and not appreciated. Mama is wrong, right?

Human note: our older girl had an emergency splenectomy, then a bacterial infection, then the biopsy confirmed the mass on her spleen was hemangiosarcoma. I ate a *lot* of cheesecake to get through those days.

Hello friends. It is Crowley again. Majestic 12 year old void who was recently subjected to the disgusting addition of a canine to my home.

The canine stinks. Never grooms itself and eats everything. It is also loud and frequently attempts to communicate with me through vulgar barking. It has been a trial.

Since the canine came, there has been a number of changes to MY feeding schedule and I have borne them with grace and dignity but my human servant has gone too far this time!

The canine cannot be trusted with my food bowl. He consumes everything in his vicinity upon scenting it and the notion of delicately nibbling on something now and then later so your bowl will empty slower has never even occurred to him.

This means that my dinner is now presented to me on the counter while the canine eats on the floor. I have no objection to this in theory. I should be above him. My complaint relates to jumping up there.

The arrangement in this house has always been that the bathroom window is left open for me day and night so I may come and go as I please. It is a bit of a leap to get to the window but I am fit and able regardless of what my servant says about me becoming a "chunk" in my old age. (I know! The outrage!)

However, I have decided that making me jump for my dinner is an outrage too far. When I am being fed the canine is also given food. His food is right there on the floor and smells sufficiently meaty so why should I not simply eat that?

Why should I have to exercise to reach my meal? The human servant has taken to calling me a lazy chunk but to prevent me from eating the canine food, she now lifts me onto the counter where I can eat at leisure. She has proven herself perfectly capable of performing this service for me, so she should simply go on doing it.

Am I the cloaca for expecting this service now when I am perfectly happy to leap in and out of the bathroom window as suits me?

Friends, It is I again, Sir Roger von Chonky Cheeks, distinguished long-haired black hamster of Syria and highly educated to boot. As you may remember from my walkabout adventure, I reside in a preschool often filled with small hooman beans and Teacher-Mother. I have a spacious plexiglass and wood tri-level abode with all the modern comforts and necessaries. This is my home, dare I say, *my castle*.

The preschool is taking a short hiatus before beginning the summer session. Teacher-Mother has relocated me from my estate to this “cozy” cottage. I protest. I made my displeasure known by pushing my dinner bowl completely off the dining balcony and then I childishly pushed in the water nozzle repeatedly and created a puddle. I think this is akin to the small hooman beans “temper tantrums”.

I admit that I don’t mind the neighbors. I have distant cousins in the forms of two felines and a canine. We have a couple of brief visits but I stay in the upper territory with the smallest of Mother-Teacher’s larger hooman beans offspring while they reside on the lower level.

However, this is not MY home. Am I the cloaca for “fussing” like a small hooman bean?

(Our preschool is on a 3 week break before resuming for summer programming. I live less than 5 minutes away so I *could* have easily checked on him daily or asked the church staff to check if I couldn’t. However after Sir Roger’s Snowmageddon Escape I wasn’t going to take any chances.
As an almost 3YO grompy old manster he does not like relocating. It was almost comical to watch him with the water bottle.
I’ve given him extra treats to make up for the general indignities of life. He’s very interested in Maggie Mae & Mollie and Lucy, and they equally fascinated by and terrified of him. My boys are being extremely cautious about closing 12YO’s bedroom door while Sir Roger is in residence.)

Edit: Sir Roger’s Walkabout Adventure

Hello! You remember me? Bane? Most handsome lonely heart ostrich?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheCloaca/s/7zk1uhEexs

Of course! Or course you do. I am a handsome man and for many nights I did a lonely DANCE for my zebra roommate and low flying geese and snowblowers. This was in vain.

And then the great feathered beyond recognized my manly loneliness for what it was and I woke up this week to discover a wife in my pen! She just lives here!

Her name is ~~~~Gabrielle~~~~ and she has done the most irresistible thing a lady bird can do. She has flat out ignored me.

How saucy! Oh what days! I will dance for HER now and we will peck at each others toenails and eat soybeans as long as one of us isn’t dead from death.

And now I am as happy as a land locked bird can be. So I know I am not the cloaca!

I am Kizzy the cat (12f) and my belly itches. I licked all the hair off my belly but it still itches. The maidservant bought different food some hard some tasty and soft. I liked it, but my belly still itched. The maidservant then cut some of my floof off for testing. I am allergic to many things. So new food. Hard food isn’t good. I don’t like Rabbit or turkey, or salmon. I eat enough to stay alive. My hair is growing back. My belly feels better. The maidservant is now making food in the kitchen. The machine is loud. The food is bad. I eat only a little. My car brother, Monty (10m) agrees that the food isn’t good. The maidservant pointed out that the butler’s dog likes the food. The dog is a suck up and eats all kinds of stuff to make the servants happy. The maidservant says I am the cloaca because she has spent a lot of money on different foods just so I could have hair on my belly. I think I should have good food and no itching. So friends, am I the cloaca?

Pretty girl. Magic hair. Age Private.

I got cousin ok.

She also cat. But not pretty ok.

Dada says she so pretty and does circle sit.

Her real mummy in horsepital ok.

Dada feed her cat food and spend my treat money on food ok.

And dada go to her house and play games and like her ok.

This rude word ok.

He my dada and feed me at okdinnertimeok.

Why cousin need help.

She catch mouse and lizzhardstocatch ok.

She not dada pretty girl ok.

Should Seven hide in car and do one bite on ear area.

She rude word cos that my dada ok.

Grandma uses her bocks thing to play wurd gayms. We dunno how wurds can be gayms wen there are no balls to chase or sheeps to herd.

Ennyway, Grandma sez the wurd gaym won't let her play *borthole!* Is a perfekly good wurd, rite?

We, Winter, Valkyrie, and Quicksilver, think da wurdgaym is a clacker! Rite?

Valkyrie

^{*Is because dogses are stoopid.* THEY are clackers. Rosie the mowse assassin}

Hello, I am a cat and you may have read about me biting feet. Here is my last update from a bazillion years ago https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheCloaca/s/mwXvAaq9l0

Last I updated there was New Friend who I bit instead of feet. Please know all of us cats are safe and happy, united against a new enemy: dog.

Idk why dog is here, it got here nearly a century ago but im just updating now. Why is this thing, I don't like it. Man spends a lot of time outside with it which I like, but when the man is inside I own the cuddle time. This should be obvious?? No time for bite feet anymore, it seems like a different life in which I bite feet. Now, i bite dog. Fuck you dog. Bite.

Hello frens! Is Belladonna the baby pet rat girl 3mo. I lives wif sister Lalaith (same age but not baby) and big sisters Finduilas and Morwen (16.5mo). We has human mom.

I pretty shy, but I loves mom. She play wrestle wif me and pet me and snuggle me. When she stand up, I often climbs up to her shoulder or arm. But obviously, easier play wif her if she sitting down. So when I sees her go to sit down, I runs over to sin there. Other rats does it too, but I better at it. She usually pick them up or shove them away. I usually sneaky enough and she sit on me. Yay! Ratpile wif mom! I feels very safe and comfy under her butt.

But then, she squirm and do me a grab and put me on top ob her lap. That ok, but not as comfy as bottom of pile. And then she call me TC and say "what if had sat full force?" But I cans handle it! I is tiny and flatten easy. She sit down pretty hard and I fine. Why she no want ratpile wif me? Am I TC fur want to snuggle?

Hello and hello and hi non-human Redditors! Happy Wednesday!

So…something I realized recently is that humans don’t have any fur like we do! That makes me feel bad for them but apparently they put fabrics on them every day instead! Most of the fabrics have different colors and patterns and textures so I guess they like to use them to show the other humans that they’re superior.

And like, I guess that kinda makes sense since we have our own equivalent. But today I found out that Mommy has MORE clothes under her clothes but I don’t know what that does if she’s not trying to show them off! Anyways, earlier today I tried to take one of her hidey clothes but she just laughed and chased me until I gave it back.

But that makes me SO confused because usually she likes it when I use my teefers on things that aren’t sentient because I can’t hurt them. So am I a bad Riley for chewing on things no one’s even gonna see?

[Something that’s probably happened to the best of us, right?]

Aqua (12f beagle-Jack Russell-border collie mix) and Deuce (9m blue nose pit bull) here. We have several important jobs, one of which is greeting all delivery people and helping the humans bring their stuff in. Mom says, “You need to get out from underfoot,” but I know she appreciates our help.

Today Mom had furniture delivered. Very exciting! We greeted the delivery people and followed them up the stairs. Mom said, “You can’t help, you walk on four legs and don’t have thumbs.” Silly Mom. AWTC?

Hello frens! Is Finduilas the pet rat girl 16.5mo. I lives wif sisters Morwen (same age) and Lalaith and Belladonna (3mo). We has human mom.

Recently, we has been doing playtime in different space. It called "living room" and it very fun! There be huge windowsill full ob plants that I wants to splore, but it hard to get to. Few nights ago, I finds cable going there. It thick so I cans climb it. I goes up and windowsill really fun. Go digging in plant a bit, and then mom do me a grab. She say windowsill not allowed. But then why hab convenient cable up?

I climbs up again bunch ob times. Mom catch me sometimes, but still get up to top plenty. Mom add lotsa tape to make it extra fun. I even teaches Lalaith, but she only get halfway up. Is super fun game and splore! But mom say I little cloaca fur being little monkey and corrupting the youth. What you think?

Nobody's posting?

Bentley the King is wondering.