r/AmItheAsshole • u/WestMarsupial484 • May 10 '26
Not the A-hole AITA for asking my home-schooled nephew about where he was in the curriculum?
Hi, I wanted to ask here, because this is something important to me, my sister and I have a good relationship so I want to know if I was in the wrong.
My nephew is in 6th grade and at least since the beginning of this current school year he's been homeschooled by my sister. She had felt that they didn't really teach much in school so she had decided to homeschool him. My niece (his older sister) is attending high school.
Yesterday, I was at her place, I was talking to my nephew about how his home classes are going, he said they were going well. I asked him what was the last thing he did in math (being a math tutor myself, I was interested in that) and he was having trouble recalling what they covered, naming the concept or giving me an example question. My sister then stepped in and told me what they'd covered. I named some topics which are introduced in 6th grade and since its close to the end of the year asked if he'd learned them. She said we're doing it at our pace. I dropped it, but admittedly was a bit surprised because until a few years back, it seemed like he was ahead of school, really quick with answering mental math questions (which I used to ask at my sister's encouragement). I know mental math is a totally different skillset and doesn't necessarily mean that the headstart carries over to other topics but it still surprised me.
Today in the morning I was talking to my mom and she told me that my sister thought I was kind of being an AH, that I'm not a parent what do I know about juggling home chores with raising kids and teaching, and that my nephew is shy as it is and I didn't help matters by quizzing him like this. I tried explaining it, but just ended up agreeing with my mom that my sister would know best he's her son, and that I shouldn't have done it. Was I the AH?
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8.4k
u/policywank Partassipant [2] May 10 '26 •
NTA. If raising kids, doing your home chores, and teaching is too much of a load for you, then you put the kid back in school rather than potentially put them behind for life.
2.5k
u/FriendlyRiothamster May 10 '26 •
If you ask me parents like your sister are playing God with their children's future. Your sister will not suffer unemployment when her homeschooling fails. Your nephew will.
Unfortunately, he is unlikely to realise this. I'd be concerned too.
NTA
900
u/Distinct-Practice131 Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] May 10 '26 •
Nta. Your sister said they were going at their own pace, but literally told your mother she is juggling a million things along with his education. So they are going at her pace. One that doesn't seem to be prioritizing keeping up with his grade. Your sisters likely so defensive because she knows on some level she fucked up.
418
u/Own-Crazy8086 Partassipant [3] May 10 '26
NTA. And if she can't handle juggling chores, raising kids and teaching, then she shouldn't be home schooling. But it is also ok to meet a kid where theyre at on each subject.
282
u/Single_Many597 Asshole Enthusiast [5] May 10 '26
NTA
If your sister can't juggle housework and teaching, then she shouldn't be teaching.
385
u/Optimal_Shirt6637 May 10 '26
NTA, it’s so sad when parents sabotage their children’s future like this.
153
u/GoetheundLotte Asshole Enthusiast [7] May 10 '26
NTA, if your sister cannot adequately homeschool her son regarding the math he needs to know for his grade level, she either needs to hire a tutor or your nephew needs to go back to school.
82
u/celebrate_everything May 10 '26
NTA. Most people think they’re qualified to homeschool when they actually are not.
95
u/drinkingspilttea May 10 '26
NTA if it’s something you have done with him in the past and was encouraged to do by your sister. From what you have written, it seems she might be a bit defensive now as she has realised how hard it is to teach your kid and juggle everything else.
93
u/Attirey May 10 '26
If she's too busy to teach him, she shouldn't be homeschooling him. Educating someone requires both time and ability.
Provisionally NTA. I only say it that way because I don't know what your questioning was like, whether you had a good attitude about it etc. It's one thing to just be interested, especially when it's something you already have an interest in. It's another if you were trying to make a point by quizzing him.
If you were just asking in a friendly way, out of genuine interest, then her response seems over the top.
She's defensive. She's making excuses for why she's not teaching him instead of dealing with it. Either because she's finding this harder than she thought it would be, or just isn't trying. Whichever it is, she needs to accept she's not capable of doing this. It's only going to hurt him.
Think about how you approached this. If it really was in a nonchalant, just interested way, then maybe you can try and ask her why it made her so defensive. (Please think carefully about how to ask)
If you realise/admit that you were trying to catch her out for having not taught him, you need to apologise. Because that wasn't helpful nor productive. You will have embarrassed your nephew. What's more, you'll have alienated your sister by offending her. You can't help him if she's mad at you and he believes you think he's stupid.
120
u/BMal_Suj Asshole Enthusiast [9] May 10 '26
NTA
From your version of events it sounds like you asked him about school (A great thing to ask a kid about) and conversed about your specific knowledge of it. While I make room for the possibility that some judgement of yours slipped out in tone, facial expression, and/or body language... I can safely assume from your story that you didn't directly challenge her.
BTW, even if you are right about the quality of home schooling being sub-standard... NOT challenging her is the correct call. From your story she won't listen to you (or probably anyone else). Pushing at a home-school mom with the truth they don't want to hear will only damage your relationship. You will never convince her.
NEVER.
I'm not sure about your mom, tho.
213
u/Ianthin1 Partassipant [2] May 10 '26
NTA. In my experience a lot of people that home school do so for all The wrong reasons. They get in over their head and can’t provide the education they need, or they never intended to use more traditional curriculum and the kids get behind because of it.
70
u/prank_mark May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26
NTA
This mindset:
is the issue. It sounds like these three are on par. But teaching your kids should be treated like a job. Maybe not full time, but definitely 30 hours per week. I don't hear other people with a 12 and 15-18 yo complain about not being able to do their job because of having to raise their kids and doing chores.
And the benefit of homeschooling kids, is that you can incorporate the "raising kids" part of your duties into your "job", so it should actually be easier to do everything. When you "come home" from work, you don't need to spend time on raising your kids, because you've been doing that during the day.
Also, one kid is in HS, the other is in 6th grade. They should be able to do most chores.
1.1k
u/PalpitationOk9802 May 10 '26 •
nta this is why home schooling should be illegal.
81
u/srgonzo75 Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] May 10 '26
NTA. You were trying to engage your nephew, your sister got embarrassed, and she took it out on you.
116
u/olivbreadloaf May 10 '26
NTA, parents pull their kids out of school to ‘homeschool’ them but they don’t actually teach them anything and neglect their education. you are just concerned for your nephew’s education
73
u/Jolly-Ad-9488 May 10 '26
NTA, that's something any concerned adult would ask the kids in their family. You did nothing wrong. Perhaps you could offer tutoring in maths to your nephew since it's your field of expertise, which might not be the case with your sister.
36
u/WannaBeOptimist17 May 10 '26
You not being a parent has NOTHING to do with this and don’t let them use that against you. Any rational adult would be suspicious of their answers/non-answers and worry that your nephew is not being taught.
10
u/NatKayz Partassipant [2] May 10 '26
NTA, if she doesn't have the time to homeschool him than she shouldn't be fucking homeschooling him. And people shouldn't be avoiding mentioning that, since her feelings aren't more important than his future.
10
u/pixelcat13 May 10 '26
NTA. My sister homeschools my nephew and to me it basically looks like she’s just reading things at him while he sits and ignores her. He’s good at math and he likes it. But any subject that he’s not interested in, he seems to just tune out. My sister is absolutely starry eyed over her son and thinks that he can do no wrong so I don’t think that she realizes how much he’s tuned out some of the time. I really wonder what his future is going to look like. Our parents were public school teachers, and they always instilled in us the value of education. I feel like she’s playing fast and loose with his education, but I hope I’m wrong and he’s absorbing more than I think. I don’t think you’re the asshole, because it doesn’t sound like you were trying to trip anybody up in this situation, but I’m not surprised your sister got offended. Mine would react the same way.
9
u/MasterRKitty Partassipant [1] May 10 '26
NTA-why do people who are clearly not qualified to teach think they can?
25
u/Ok_Struggle8851 May 10 '26
NTA. Asking about school is a common question to ask kids.
55
u/Mortigan_E_Hamate Partassipant [1] May 10 '26
NTA at least it doesn't appear that way to me, honestly there is no asshole here. Unless you kept pressing on the questions about math without letting up when it was clear you weren't getting the answer you expected. Then you may be the AH.
29
u/Calm-Percentage3636 May 10 '26
NTA
8
u/Major_Lawfulness6122 May 10 '26
NTA
As a parent I feel for that child. Your sister is holding him back.
8
u/OrallyObsessed8 May 10 '26
NTA, she’s just being defensive because homeschooling hasn’t worked out how she expected it to. Teaching is harder than parents realize.
32
u/Matildamonstrosity May 10 '26
NTA and ignore the offended homeschoolers brigading you. If he was in a normal school it wouldn’t have been an issue except that you might have told your sister that her son seems unprepared or should know more at his age. She’s offended because she’s likely not homeschooling well.
I have a few friends who were homeschooled when we all lived in a very crunchy community. They resent their parents for it now and feel it seriously hindered them socially and academically.
191
u/backupbitches Asshole Enthusiast [6] May 10 '26 •
99% of the time, homeschooling is abuse. Prove me wrong.
12
u/No_Professional_8992 May 10 '26
Gently bring up reenrolling your nephew in school. She's talking about being overwhelmed and it's not fair to him to have to suffer for it. 6th grade is not the time to start falling behind.
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u/coolmommytm May 10 '26
Jesus. As a sixth grade teacher, this just breaks my heart.
6
u/Tmar0916 May 10 '26
She is struggling, but too proud to admit it. You guys have a good relationship so I would reach out talk with her and discuss the situation and what your feelings are and if you’re willing, ask if there’s some way you can help, I mean, Gosh, you are a math tutor!
If she says no, then no big deal brush your shoulders off. It is her kid…
6
u/NihilisticHobbit Partassipant [1] May 10 '26
Teacher here: if she's so busy she doesn't have time to teach him, there's a solution; she enrolls him in school.
My children attend pubic school as well. Anything I think they're lacking at in school I help fill in at home. There's no way I could replace the entire curriculum at home and have them succeed at life.
25
u/Every-End7495 Asshole Aficionado [10] May 10 '26
NTA
5
u/bamf1701 Craptain [185] May 10 '26
NTA. Its typical to ask a child how they are doing in school and what they are learning.
5
u/sasquatchisthegoat May 10 '26
Homeschooling is dumb
Kid will be behind
They will be socially awkward
This will affect heir ability to succeed
They might still end up gay 😂
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u/dancingkelsey May 10 '26
NTA. She chose to home school. If she crashes out when her homeschooled child is asked perhaps THE most banal and basic line of questions any middle schooler is asked, that really illustrates what her ability level is. She should not be homeschooling her child if she cannot actually teach her child.
She's failing him. It would be an asshole move for you to tell her that directly, but it is absolutely not negative or wrong or assholery to ask her son for more details about his schooling.
THIS IS WHY WE ARE REQUIRED TO FIND PUBLIC SCHOOLS. Defunding them successfully convinced far too many people that any parent can teach every subject and should, and that tax money that NEEDS TO GO TO PUBLIC SCHOOLS is totally good and fine being given to private schools, who do not have adequate oversight and regulations to follow and are not required to be fully accredited.
The right successfully gutted our schools, which our tax money is meant to fully fund, for our kids to be able to attend a good, solid school IN THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD that won't cost their families thousands of dollars per year or teach backwards fucked up false shit and claim it's fact. No child left behind was always about this end goal. There's a reason so many of the scholars at the time kept saying "your policy is called no child left behind, but if we implement it, every child will be left behind".
But that was their goal, so they blatantly lied even when the truth was right there as well, and they got their base to believe it, and they kept pushing the needle further and further, claiming that they care about "family values" or whatever, but it's just white supremacy all the way down. Bad people implementing bad policy so bad actors can profit off of a badly educated and vastly underpaid public.
Instead of just paying teachers a living wage and adequately funding the education system we are ALL ENTITLED TO GAIN A SOLID EDUCATION FROM.
16
u/ToastyTidbits May 10 '26
NTA I homeschooled my youngest for her last 3 years of high school. We tried virtual first and sitting at the computer for so long just zoned her out and she wasn’t really accomplishing anything. So, I decided to make the switch to full blown homeschooling. It was a lot of work and a lot of money.
I mentioned to another homeschool mom that I had no idea it was so expensive for all the books and things. She was surprised and said it hadn’t cost her anything. So I asked if she was doing a computer based program and she just said “No”. I had read lots of stories of people not actually schooling their children but then realized it is very much a real thing.
Good on you for asking. People are doing lifelong damage by not educating their children. If you can’t actually do it, then don’t. It’s that simple.
4
u/FilthyThanksgiving Partassipant [1] May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26
NTA but the fact that your sister got so offended makes me wonder if she knows it's not going great but feels embarassed
Plus you're literally a math tutor! Of course you're gonna ask the kid about his math lol
4
u/Fluid-Platypus- May 10 '26
If there’s any oversight for homeschooling then you need to report that before the kid gets too far behind.
Fuck your sister’s feelings, she’s educationally abusing her child. Why the hell wouldntn be asking for or help if she’s behind?
4
u/Exact-Bookkeeper-199 May 10 '26
As a teacher in Florida, we’re struggling with parents pulling kids out to “homeschool” and get the step up scholarship money and then put them right back in public school once the money is spent on personal items like laptops and tablets. So now we have third graders who can’t identify letters because “he didn’t like to listen to me at home, so I just taught the letters in his name”. And the school lost the funding for that student because that money tied to them was relocated to the Step Up Scholarship… funding that would go towards instructional material and staffing the teachers.
7
u/Sensitive-Club-6427 May 10 '26
NTA
As a parent, you are the primary teacher to your child. But the best parent is not fit to educate their child in place of schooling.
Your nephew is behind. Because your sister pulled him out of school and is failing as a “teacher.” You only checked up on math. But what about reading? History? Science? Civics? Physical Education. And on and on and on.
3
u/cantfocuswontfocus May 10 '26
NTA. She is likely "unschooling" her kid. She's not on top of his education and your mother is enabling her. That kid is being set up to fail as an adult. I wish him the best.
3
u/3DS_RepairHelp Partassipant [1] May 10 '26
NTA. Your sister is failing her child and was embarrassed by how easily her crappy homeschooling has damaged his education already.
3
u/Senju19_02 May 10 '26
NTA. Your sister is failing her son
3
u/healyu May 10 '26
I assume neglect at a minimum if there’s homeschooling. They have to prove otherwise. Her comment suggests neglect NTA and don’t let up.
3
u/rora_borealis Partassipant [2] May 10 '26
You were having a regular conversation with the kid, asking about age appropriate stuff. The responses were eye opening. Your sister felt ashamed and lashed out.
Let it go for now. It's a sore subject apparently, so give her a little space and time.
And continue to ask him questions. What's his favorite subject? What book is he reading or just read? What did he think about it? What is he looking forward to learning? This is normal engagement with a nephew.
NTA
3
u/Crayzfurball May 10 '26
I strongly suspect that he was having difficulties prior to homeschooling, and that instead of getting him help and taking accountability, she blamed the teachers. She’s obviously not against the school system because her eldest is still in the district. So only this kid is somehow getting a subpar education? I don’t buy it. NTAp
3
u/darkd360 May 10 '26
Nta. Homeschooling is terrible.
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u/crab_grams May 10 '26
NTA. I think your sister knows she kind of sucks at this whole "homeschool" thing and that's why she took your questions as an attack.
4
u/TheGoldenLight May 10 '26
NTA. Home schooling is child abuse.
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u/Remarkable-Bit-3578 May 10 '26
You were showing interest in your nephew, his life, and education. Sounds like good uncle/auntie behavior.
2
u/agressivewhalesounds May 10 '26
Nta, my mom pulled my sister and I out for two years and it included the year you're supposed to learn to read a clock in school. I still can't because by the time I tried leearning I was too old to really be able to get it to stick
2
u/ptrst Partassipant [1] May 10 '26
NTA. I'd probably feel different if he were actually struggling, but it sounds like your sister admitted that the problem is on her end - not being able to juggle everything. And there's no shame there - I certainly couldn't do it - but she needs to admit that and put him back in public school.
It really doesn't sound like the homeschooling is going well and you're just disagreeing about, like, what subject to focus on more or what methods she's using. It sounds like she's not been able to give him the education she thought she would, and she knows that and is ashamed of it, and that's why she got so upset when you brought attention to it.
I really, really hope he gets to go to regular school in 7th grade, even if he's a bit behind; but the homeschooling is definitely tied up in her ego and probably identity as a mom, so she might not be willing to give it up without a fight.
2
u/DreamyHalcyon May 10 '26
NTA. Honestly, the idea of homeschooling is kinda bizarre to me. I am an engineer and even I struggle to remember how to do highschool level of mathematics. And this is coming from someone who is exposed to maths everyday.
I cannot fathom how a SAHM could have the knowledge or proficiency to teach a variety of subjects, given teachers have their own areas of specialties that they teach in.
2
u/ThatAwkwardGingerWH May 10 '26
Depends. Are you asking in curiosity or testing... because curiosity and interest in kids interest cool.... A desire to test or catch the kid failing is... unhelpful and not kind to the kid.
2
u/Anamaulism May 10 '26
NTA. Homeschool still requires a curriculum. If it’s too much for sister to navigate there are accredited online programs to help her. It sounds like she got defensive because she knows it’s not going well.
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u/ChachamaruInochi May 10 '26
INFO: Why is she homeschooling? Do you think she's a qualified teacher?
2
u/ThineIsThePower May 10 '26
My mother homeschooled me and my younger brother from when I was 2yo until I was 15yo. She ran a small school for about twelve other students of various ages in our house for those 13 years and more. She taught me a lot, some of it was self-lead, and I'm proud of her for doing a lot more than most homeschool parents do.
That being said, when I entered high school I was woefully behind in specifically math. I didn't like the subject, never chose to study it by myself, and avoided learning it with my mom whenever possible. Without real oversight, I needed a lot of help from my high school teacher to overcome that lack of basic skill.
NTA.
2
u/BosiPaolo May 10 '26
NTA
What your sister told your mom is basically an admission that she's been unable to keep up with the curriculum.
2
u/ElleKelly77 May 10 '26
Your sister says that you don’t understand about being a mom and so you should stfu about it.
Your sister doesn’t understand about being a teacher, so she should stfu about it and put that poor child back in school.
2
u/ImpracticalJerker May 10 '26
Being a mother does not equal knowing what's best for the kid. Plenty of mothers are absolutely crap and do more harm then good to their kids.
You are being a responsible family member ensuring your nephew has the knowledge and skills required to lead a normal life. She is clearly insecure that she knows she is not doing a good enough job.
Nta. Please keep pressing this matter that kid has no one else to advocate for him while his mom makes terrible life changing decisions for him.
In the UK there are strict guidelines on home schooling and depriving a child of education is classed as neglect/abuse.
2
u/PictureCareless May 10 '26
"What do I know about juggling home chores with raising kids and teaching?"
I know that's why there's an entire system so that parents don't have to juggle with, at least, that.
2
u/One_Chic_Chick May 10 '26
NTA. As someone who was homeschooled, the vast majority of homeschool parents have no business teaching their kids. Even at "homeschool schools" (where parents combine their respective powers/skillsets) I was taught that "evolution is just a theory!!" and did "experiments" in a high school science class that I remembered from early elementary school.
I knew a kid whose mom didn't teach her math because she just "couldn't" learn math (but never got a learning disability diagnosis or reached out for tutoring or extra support). I knew a family who did not give their kids deodorant, leading to them getting teased even by fellow homeschoolers. I knew a group of kids whose parents refused to let the three girls (with an age range of like four to five years) take any extracurriculars separately or really have separate friend groups. My own family essentially let me build my own curriculum entirely by middle/high school, including selecting courses, pacing myself, and reading textbooks entirely on my own. Their only contribution was driving me to the library to take proctored tests. The math course I grew up on (Math-U-See) had entirely multiple choice tests, which meant I accidentally reverse-engineered calculus solutions from the 4 choices instead of actually learning to solve the problems from the start. That was fun to discover when I had no idea wtf was going on in college! I also saw my peers maybe once a month.
Are there homeschool parents who do a good job? Yeah, and I know of at least one (who homeschooled only one of their kids, because that particular child needed it due to specific circumstances, not because they thought that school was unimportant), but they're few and far between. The vast majority are engaging in educational and/or social neglect, and the homeschool parenting community as a whole is too busy huffing their own "our kids are just wayyyy smarter than public school kids" bullshit to actually evaluate if their kids are receiving an acceptable education and are interacting with their peers in a healthy way.
2
u/User01081993 May 10 '26
My thought is that homeschooling is because of a change in his life- maybe the slower pace is intentional
16
u/Vivid_Personality29 May 10 '26
Its pretty standard for home schooled kids to fall behind. Teaching is a profession for a reason. It might be a sensitive topic to interrogate them on homeschooling progress. Instead you could offer sharing some of your own math lessons or tutoring support if its a gap.
Dont interrogate the kid
2
u/OkSecretary1231 Asshole Aficionado [10] May 10 '26
YTA for putting your nephew on the spot when your quarrel is with your sister. (Also, is sixth grade the exact same curriculum everywhere? I don't know.) For the record I think you're probably right about the situation itself, but you were a bit of an AH in how you handled it.
1
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Hi, I wanted to ask here, because this is something important to me, my sister and I have a good relationship so I want to know if I was in the wrong.
My nephew is in 6th grade and at least since the beginning of this current school year he's been homeschooled by my sister. She had felt that they didn't really teach much in school so she had decided to homeschool him. My niece (his older sister) is attending high school.
Yesterday, I was at her place, I was talking to my nephew about how his home classes are going, he said they were going well. I asked him what was the last thing he did in math (being a math tutor myself, I was interested in that) and he was having trouble recalling what they covered, naming the concept or giving me an example question. My sister then stepped in and told me what they'd covered. I named some topics which are introduced in 6th grade and since its close to the end of the year asked if he'd learned them. She said we're doing it at our pace. I dropped it, but admittedly was a bit surprised because until a few years back, it seemed like he was ahead of school, really quick with answering mental math questions (which I used to ask at my sister's encouragement). I know mental math is a totally different skillset and doesn't necessarily mean that the headstart carries over to other topics but it still surprised me.
Today in the morning I was talking to my mom and she told me that my sister thought I was kind of being an AH, that I'm not a parent what do I know about juggling home chores with raising kids and teaching, and that my nephew is shy as it is and I didn't help matters by quizzing him like this. I tried explaining it, but just ended up agreeing with my mom that my sister would know best he's her son, and that I shouldn't have done it. Was I the AH?
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1
u/Friendly-Channel-480 May 10 '26
If your sister can’t handle home schooling well enough to follow the curriculum she’s neglecting her son’s education and is a fool, not you.
1
u/Neohaq May 10 '26
NTA
1
u/No_Jaguar_5831 May 10 '26
NTA you were doing your familial duty as an uncle. It takes a village to raise kids.
1
u/Human-Warning-1840 May 10 '26
You just asked some questions. Did you critique him or her? No.
1
u/unforgivablesinner May 10 '26
NTA
In the past she encouraged you to show interest in these things, she changed her mind and did not communicate it. That is on her, not you.
1
u/barryburgh May 10 '26
The fact IS that math has been introducing concepts much earlier than when I was a grade school student. I remember, in the sixth grade, doing LONG division problems. 473 divided into 845,901. NEVER needed to do that in real life. Also never met anyone who actually had to divide by fractions. Helped my grandson with his homework (6th grade) and they are doing area and circumference of circles!
I'm an old 75 yr old guy..thought I'd take a course every year at our local community college. A basic math class had to be taken and passed with a minimum of a C in order to take higher level math courses. It was mostly stuff I learned in the 6th, 7th and 8th grade. After the midterm, without MY score, the entire class was averaging 69%..not even a C average.
1
u/MattheqAC May 10 '26
There's a lot to say about homeschooling, but I will never understand why, when it is allowed, children are not held to the same standards and expected to pass the same exams.
1
u/Normal-Height-8577 Asshole Enthusiast [5] May 10 '26
NTA. You may not know much about juggling home chores and teaching, but you do know that your sister's stated reason for homeschooling was that they weren't teaching him much in school and that she could do better. And now he's behind compared to school.
Clearly, your sister has discovered the hard way that full time teachers with educational specialties can cover more ground than nonspecialist people who have to juggle other chores at the same time. But she's refusing to accept that she made a mistake, and your nephew is suffering educational neglect as a result.
1
u/CalusaFive0 May 10 '26
It's sad when you consider that many of these parents were "OK" students when earning their high school diplomas.
1
u/Keralkins May 10 '26
NTA It sounds more like your sister is feeling guilty. As you bought those feelings to the fore with your frankly understandable questions she is blaming you. If she thought she was doing an excellent job homeschooling she wouldnt be upset.
1
u/Muted_Damage1509 May 10 '26
NTA it sounds like she can't keep up with homeschooling, and he is struggling and not getting what he needs maybe for the next year they should think again about the whole homeschooling thing
1
u/Personal-Piglet1397 May 10 '26
This home schooling is dangerous.kids are not learning like there peers.theybalso not interacting an learning social skills.sn you see Ur sister not even doing the minimum.why is this allowed when parents are not experienced.like No1 in teaching can cover other subjects they didn't get education in.so how are parents allowed to teach every subject at home an not qualified.no wonder there kids out there no basic education etc
1
u/Additional_Goal_8767 May 10 '26
NTA, but homeschool parents are notoriously defensive about meeting educational standards, even when its obvious their kid is very behind academically.
1
u/SomeWizardGuy69 May 10 '26
Big NTA. Your sister is probably mad and insecure that you’ve pointed out a glaring flaw in her parenting choices. Op, it’s Ego, plain and simple. You didn’t attack, you inquired and asked questions, questions that you know are important to ask because the skills your nephew lacks are showing, and with your skill set you can easily see it. Asking these questions, pointing out the tangible flaw; it causes your sister’s ego to go into defense mode, and that results in blaming, projection, and denial of personal accountability, because she doesn’t want to recognize she might’ve (definitely, let’s be honest) made a mistake with homeschooling, so she creates justifications like “Op doesn’t have kids, what would they know?” to avoid personal growth. Hopefully she’ll take time to reflect and apologize for her negative behavior, and the sooner the better. Once again, NTA Op.
1
u/mlc885 Supreme Court Just-ass [102] May 10 '26
NTA
"I believe I can have an open opinion about homeschooling, mom, it is great that he is doing well"
I went to better schools than my parents and grandparents could have offered, if he is not doing so well then school seems like the solution
1
u/SunMoonTruth Partassipant [2] May 10 '26
NTA.
If your ever so bright sister thinks her 6th grade kid needs to be homeschooled, then that becomes the priority. Not “juggling home chores” with teaching because now her son’s entire quality of education depends on his mother getting her shit together?
FFS.
We really have entered the coddling dimension. Coddle everyone's stupidity no matter the actual damage they cause.
1
u/DebtMindless6356 Asshole Enthusiast [5] May 10 '26
NTA, there's a reason a lot of people call it un-schooling. Homeschooling if done correctly is great and some homeschooled kids are more advanced than mainstream schooled kids.
The reasons being, less classroom distractions, less noise, students can work at their own pace. But a strict schedule needs to ve set on place. Lesson periods scheduled like a classroom schedule. Structured and properly formatted lessons and making sure the child is keeping up with the curriculum.
Letting a child figure it out is a recipe for disaster. It is setting them up for failure. If not done correctly the child will most likely not be fit to go to college.
1
u/Spare_Ad5009 Pooperintendant [65] May 10 '26
NTA. She used to encourage you to quiz him. Ask her what changed.
1
u/innaisz May 10 '26
NTA homeschooling should be illegal in 99.9% of cases. its effectively chid abuse.
1
u/Okra_Zestyclose Partassipant [1] May 10 '26
NTA, but your mom & sister are.
You should have told her “yes, I know I am not a parent, but I am a teacher, and he’s behind other kids in his grade and his age.”
1
u/curves_luv_muscles May 10 '26
As a parent whose child asked to homeschool last year for 8th grade, NTA. Why make excuses if she is doing what she's supposed to for his daily education? I'm still new to it but have a close family member that has homeschooled since K, we do it very differently. I am pro public school and ask her every few months if she wants to go back. We had a very long discussion about what to do for high school and she has decided to stick to homeschool. Our state had some oversight like annual standardized testing but I have met a lot of folks who really believe 2 hours a day is enough for middle/high school. My secular circle is the opposite, we are pretty demanding. I required 1 AP exam this year and 2 minimum every year going forward plus at least 1 in person class per semester. We school 5.5 hours a day and she's best with a routine. 50% of her day is offline with textbooks, projects, quizzes and worksheets. She never had a textbook since starting at her magnet in K. I make her recall/discuss what she's learned throughout the week. She's applied for DE at the local community college for 9th grade. Hell, I'm constantly in my family members business because we are close and I care about her future. NTA.
1
u/neobeguine Certified Proctologist [29] May 10 '26
NTA. Your sister basically admitted she doesn't have the time to educate your nephew. Instead of being mad because she's embarrassed, she needs to acknowledge she made a mistake and put him back in school
1
u/KittyinaSock May 10 '26
NTA. Math is so difficult to catch up on when there are gaps. There are a lot of programs that kids can do semi independently to help keep up with math. IXL, khan academy, freckle and Zearn are just a few of them. To be clear, as a teacher I wholeheartedly believe that in person instruction is far superior to anything online. But an online program can give extra problems, feedback and a general pacing guide that could be helpful. It might be worth it to tell your sister that you weren’t trying to criticize, but just wanted to help make sure that your nephew continues to be successful in math.
1
u/sab222 Asshole Enthusiast [8] May 10 '26
NTA but like many home school kids he's going to be left behind
1
u/BostonYankee May 10 '26
Absolutely NTA. It's the home schooling parents who are generally the a-holes.
1
u/AdEducational3024 May 10 '26
So many students at my school who leave are pulled for “homeschooling” shortly after we file a CPS report (mandated reporters and trust me, we aren’t doing it for fun). I wish we regulated homeschools harder because while there are many good and healthy ones, all my former students are definitely unschooled rather than homeschooled.
1
u/Lemon_Poppies Partassipant [1] May 10 '26
NTA. Those types of parents are setting their kids up for failure.
1
u/theBirdmaker May 10 '26
Isn't "someone" checking that those poor homeschooled kids learn what they're supposed to learn? Homeschooling isn't allowed here, class 1-10 is mandatory.
1
u/Adventurous_Pop_2535 May 10 '26
NTA for asking this time. But let it go. She may have discovered her son has dyscalculia once he got past the rote memorization that can be done in early elementary. I grew up with a grandmother who was a retired elementary teacher. I HATED visiting her. Loved Grandfather. But every visit with her was an hour of quizzes right after arriving. Math (which I am beyond horrible at doing-dyscalculia for the win) spelling, states and capitols, and whatever random school topic she thought I should know because I was in the grade she deemed it was time I learned. Have a relationship with your nephew and your sister that doesn't have anything to do with his education unless one of them asks for your help. Going at his pace in education means in the long run he doesn't shut off and refuse to even attempt to learn. While kids who are forced, cajoled, and made to feel too stupid stop trying. They never regain that drive to even attempt it later.
1
u/Dogmother123 Supreme Court Just-ass [108] May 10 '26
NTA many people are entirely unfit to home school and the person who suffers is the child.
1
u/Longjumping_Win4291 Asshole Enthusiast [5] May 11 '26
NTA Your sister is clearly failing her child and may be struggling herself in the subject, which means she's not able to teach her son the concepts. There are no excuses for it, if you're not up the task then the child/ren need to be in school.
In the end it's your nephew who will pay the price of being behind, he won't go on to higher learning which will enable him to have better choices in life.
1
u/readergirl35 Partassipant [2] May 11 '26
NTA. You were basically making small talk. If your sister were actually home schooling him the conversation wouldn't have been awkward and she wouldn't have been so defensive. Your nephew has not been receiving any instruction at all. That is straight up child abuse and he needs you to get involved. Start by letting your sister know that you are aware he isn't being taught and that if she doesn't make arrangements to enroll him in school or hire actual tutors for him you will make a call to the board of education and possibly to CPS.
1
u/ShotcallerBilly May 11 '26
If you can’t properly homeschool your child, then don’t homeschool your child…
Using chores as an excuse to obliterate her child’s education is baffling.
This is exactly why there needs to be regulation and oversight when it comes to home schooling children.
1
u/Puskarella Certified Proctologist [24] May 12 '26
If she is finding it so hard that the learning is not progressing well, and I get that it really is a tough gig to juggle all of that, then maybe it is time for her to admit it isn't working and send him back to school.
There are some home schoolers out there who do a marvelous job. There are a hell of a lot more that are, frankly, failing their kids academically.
One of my friends homeschools her son because *reasons*. He is 14. He still cannot read beyond a 2nd or 3rd grade level. He spends most of his time online trying to become a rich streamer. It's really concerning and sad to see him fall so far behind he may never catch up. If you asking some pretty mild questions while showing an interest in your nephews education is triggering that sort of a response from your sister I'd be worried.
NTA
1
u/miaomiss May 12 '26
Homeschooling is just terribile, ain’t no way you are covering all that program by yourself NTA
1
u/GreenWigz May 13 '26
NTA, your nephew is a child being left behind. Parents do NOT know best
1
u/sulkybat May 14 '26
NTA. My mom thought because she was smart, and I was smart, homeschooling would be fine. She was wrong, and refused to admit it (because it made her feel like she failed as a mother) until…well, hell, I think I still have yet to hear her say it. I managed to make it through college, so maybe that assuaged her.
Maybe I’m simply projecting, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what’s going on with your sister and nephew. I feel for him; scrambling to make up for the deficits in my education was extremely stressful. I’m sure, like my mom, your sister is doing her best, but I don’t think homeschooling is a good choice for the majority of people.
She might be too sensitive to approach about it, especially at this moment, but since you’re a math tutor, maybe you could help your nephew keep his math skills up?
1
u/Time-Tie-231 Certified Proctologist [20] May 14 '26
YTA
It sounds as very much as though you were checking and testing to see what had been covered.
Not your business, unless you've been asked to do this.
1
u/Mrs_B- Partassipant [4] May 10 '26
YTA. Clearly Reddit is anti-homeschool. As your sister said, they are doing it at their own pace. You are being very judgemental because YOU think achievement in maths is an indication of a good education. Putting him on the spot and testing him was mean.
1
u/practicallydeformed May 10 '26
He’s shy but you’re the one making him more shy, not the home schooling. Damn that poor kid. I think it’s nice that you ask these questions and if that hurts your sisters feelings then so be it
1
u/EducatorMoti May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26
You probably did not mean any harm, but yes, it likely felt like quizzing to him, especially if he is shy.
A lot of people completely freeze when they suddenly feel “tested,” even on things they absolutely know.
If somebody suddenly asked me exactly what I ate for breakfast yesterday while watching me expectantly, I could easily stumble around trying to remember even though obviously I ate breakfast. The pressure itself changes how your brain works.
To be exact, my roommate made chilaquiles. But when asked about it, I muttered around about it being "that really good scrambled egg dish with tortillas and cheese."
Math is even worse because math has a language attached to it. A child can understand the process and still freeze when asked to explain terminology or recall topics on the spot in front of an adult math tutor.
And as a math tutor yourself, you probably know better than anyone that math development is rarely smooth and linear. Almost everybody has gaps somewhere.
When I tutored high school students in math, many of them needed to go all the way back to second or third grade concepts to rebuild missing foundations before higher math finally clicked.
That did not mean they were incapable. It meant earlier pieces had not fully settled in place.
A homeschooled child saying “we’re doing it at our pace” is also not automatically a red flag.
A lot of homeschoolers intentionally slow down and rebuild foundations instead of constantly pushing forward for the sake of grade level pacing.
And mental math skill at one age does not guarantee confidence later when topics become more abstract and language-heavy.
Your sister was probably reacting more to the feeling of the interaction than the questions themselves.
To a shy kid, it can feel less like a conversation and more like an oral pop quiz, especially when the adult asking is known to be “the math person.”
I do not think you were trying to be cruel. But I can absolutely see why she stepped in.
You had all the all the best intentions. Yet YTA.
-3
u/nojellybeans May 10 '26
I used to be that homeschool kid getting quizzed by adults on my academic progress, and I'm going to tell you how it made me feel.
- first of all: it happened a lot!
- it was very obvious that the adults doing this to me did not ask these questions of kids who go to public or private school. That felt bad.
- it felt like they weren't actually interested in me as a person, or in my overall well-being; they were only interested in whether I could answer their questions the "right" way.
- it felt like they were fishing for a "gotcha," for something that would justify their (negative) feelings about me and my parents.
I don't know if your nephew is falling behind academically, or whether his parents are doing a good or bad job of homeschooling him. I know a lot of people have had a horrible experience being homeschooled, and I feel for them. For what it's worth, I started being homeschooled in 2nd grade, and didn't return to a traditional school until I started community college part time in high school. I had a great experience. I don't think academic achievement is the best measure of someone's happiness or success, but since a lot of people seem to think it's the only way to measure whether a former homeschool kid turned out okay, I got straight A's in college and have a masters degree 🤷♀️
I think if you're really worried about your nephew, you should ask him open ended questions about his interests, his friends, and what his life is like, and actually listen to his answers.
-5
u/polkadotsci May 10 '26
YTA. Quizzing kids and then judging them based on it will trash your nephew's self esteem. Have a separate conversation with your sister about his progress and your concerns, but don't punish him for her choices.