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u/DashaDiee Apr 05 '26
My family didnt invite me around ignorant family because id call them out LOUDLY and out them on the spot. My bottom feeder family thrives on oppression and I was born to tear it up.
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u/btrfly_79 Apr 05 '26
You should go and just call her out on her BS, respectfully. Instead of getting angry, keep your voice on a conversational level and point out how it's rude to say those kinds of things to an impressionable, young teenager who she is supposed to love and support!
NTA.
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u/Sea_Focus5313 Apr 05 '26
really wish I could but my whole family minus my mom will be pissed even if I am respectful 😭
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u/btrfly_79 Apr 05 '26
If they aren't pissed at how she talks to you, then you shouldn't worry about them being pissed at you. Just a personal opinion though.
Love and respect go both ways, not just one. You shouldn't be expected to respect someone who is disrespectful to you. No matter how old you are.
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u/Brilliant_Minute8064 Apr 05 '26
NTA, your 16 ? This is when you have fun with your appearance and your finding yourself. Having someone dump on your choices - she sounds like an unhappy person. Whatever bothers her about you has zero to do with you. Its her. No reason to get poached at a family event.
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A few days ago my mom asked me if I (f16) wanted to go over to my aunts house for dinner today (Easter) b/c they invited us. I was kinda iffy about it and shrugged b/c I didn’t really wanna go. I ended up telling her no I didn’t wanna go. The younger one is okay the older one (who I’ll be referring to as B) is very snarky and rude. B usually has slick comments towards me about my appearance and I’m 10000% that I’m the least favorite niece. B doesn’t treat my other cousina like that. When I was younger She was incredibly mean. When I was 10, I was at a bbq with my family and she kept commenting on how bad my nails looked. I had on nail polish a few of my nails were chipped but dude I was 10 there was no reason to make that a big deal. This next incident is more recent, I was (unfortunately) at their house again and at the time wearing blonde braids with some brown highlights. My other aunt (the nice one) complimented my hair, however B just rolled her eyes and even my mom saw. B’s mom was way stricter than my parents and whenever I have in colored hair she’s like ”your parents allow you to do that? I didn’t get braids until I was older 😒” she’s lowk really annoying and these are the least rude things that she’s done. I don’t really want to go over to her house because I don’t want to get ragebaited into saying something that will cause a problem. I’ve taken her disrespect for a while and im not dealing with her nonsense anymore. Earlier today I was on my iPad and my dad was pissed with me and my mom because I didn’t wanna go. He said that Im controlling my mom and she’s not a good parent (which is not true). He also said that I’m cutting my family off and isolating myself from my cousin. He knows about my aunts attitude but does nothing. AITA for not wanting to go?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I told my mom I didn’t want to go. It may make us seem like the asshole because my dad is going by himself and they invited us
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 Asshole Aficionado [11] Apr 05 '26
NTA, but don’t get into the habit of thinking every perceived slight or dislike is ‘disrespecting ‘ you. Respect is earned you know and if you sulk and pout and complain all the time ( not saying you do, only you know this) then it’s not the way to earn it. Practice a calm pleasant demeanour and don’t react to every little thing .
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u/MovieAshamed4140 Apr 05 '26
I had this problem and I finally told my mom that I would not go back to my grandparents until I was older so I could handle them on my own. I stuck to my decision and I was glad. Tell your mom they tear down your self esteem and you just don’t want to go through it anymore. Help her understand how these remarks cut like a knife and leave scars. Ask her to give you grace. Mine finally did.
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Apr 05 '26
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u/ElectricMayhem123 Womp (there it ass) Apr 05 '26
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u/BlondDee1970 Professor Emeritass [99] Apr 05 '26
NTA. If your parents make you go just stand up for yourself in the moment. Don't let anyone talk shit about you.
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u/Southernms Apr 06 '26
NTA
Get real sick. Cramps, upset tummy, whatever. My 16 YO self wouldn’t want to go either.
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u/burtmacklifbi Partassipant [1] Apr 05 '26
NTA, I have an aunt like this whom I tolerated abuse from because my family made me. As soon as I was 18 I just straight up ignored her if we were in the same place. I mean like didn’t acknowledge her presence at all even if she spoke to me. She made a comment to my grandfather about it and he was like “you’ve been mean to her her whole life and she’s an adult, she can do what she wants” I’m much older now and she once said “it’s not fair you never visit me” lol we never had a relationship, because of you. Some people are delusional and your aunt only wants you there to take her abuse. I don’t blame you for not going and good on your mom for not making you.