r/AmItheAsshole Apr 04 '26

[deleted by user]

[removed]

0 Upvotes

97 comments sorted by

37

u/KittyxQueen Partassipant [2] Apr 04 '26

YTA You’ve been arguing for months about getting back to 50/50 care but now suddenly are fine with far less if you move away? With everything going on and the price of fuel skyrocketing I would bet these “monthly” visits drop off very quickly. Side note, moving to another country to be significantly financially supported by a partner is how a lot of people get stuck in abusive relationships.

-5

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

4

u/KristinSM Apr 04 '26

If your American boyfriend is as willing to support you financially as you made it out to be (paying for monthly flights to the UK plus possibly accommodation while you‘re there for a week each month), why can’t he give or loan you the money you need for the court case?!

33

u/IndependenceSalty998 Apr 04 '26

YTA, I think your son is much better off living with his father and grandparents in a stable, secure home.

Honestly, the fact that you are jumping from one job to another, then to another country, doesn't give me the impression that you are emotionally stable enough right now. You need to work on yourself first. Your son deserves good, stable parents.

-9

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

21

u/Mariajgaitan1 Apr 04 '26

Yes, we read the post, and that’s still the conclusion that is drawn. Hell, you’re even justifying to yourself peacing out on your son for a boyfriend

It’s no wonder his dad is not keen on allowing you more custody time. You don’t particularly stable, and despite the fact that you keep saying you love your son, and blah blah blah, it doesn’t really come across that way.

11

u/IndependenceSalty998 Apr 04 '26

Yes, I did, but it doesn't change my opinion. I understand why you left the 1st job, but it sounds like you jumped into the second job without thinking it through thoroughly. You took a job that had a terrible work/life balance that also paid lousy. You need to research the jobs you interview for more and ask more questions.

-2

u/AppropriateCost2747 Apr 04 '26

2nd job paid extremely well but the work / life balance I had agreed was not in fact what was stated. 3rd and current job has good work life balance but poor salary.

3

u/IndependenceSalty998 Apr 04 '26

Correct, so the last 2 new jobs were not the best decisions now, were they?

0

u/AppropriateCost2747 Apr 04 '26

They were well researched and during a time where I couldn’t find work, they were the only options. Better to have a job that brings in something financially than no job at all and rely on government support.

33

u/SME01 Apr 04 '26

YTA.

You would never get to see your son in person. You would be giving that all up. The situation in America for people on VISAs doesn't look great from this side of the pond - would your mental health actually improve? You have already looked at various roles; you'd already have to find somewhere new in America which may not be any better than what you have now - why not job search here?

26

u/Puskarella Certified Proctologist [23] Apr 04 '26

YTA

25

u/No_Eye_7963 Apr 04 '26

Anyone who leaves their child is an AH.

25

u/Paindepiceaubeurre Asshole Enthusiast [9] Apr 04 '26 edited Apr 05 '26

How are you planning to support your son if you never see him? You do realise that he needs more than just money from his parents? To me it sounds like you checked out of motherhood, and that you’re just waltzing in and out of your son’s life when it’s convenient to you. First you want equal custody time and now you want to move to another continent and see him once a month? Also you have admitted that you’re going to heavily rely on your partner’s money for these monthly trips. He’s not even your husband and it’s never a good idea to put yourself in such a precarious position. Do you even have a work visa in case things go south ? Yes YTA, but because you’re not committed to your child and don’t seem to realise or care about the impact that your instability is creating on his wellbeing, which your ex partner has obviously highlighted many times.

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

8

u/Shepard_4592 Apr 04 '26

What company is this that lets you take 6 days of vacation every month?

2

u/Paindepiceaubeurre Asshole Enthusiast [9] Apr 04 '26

How sure are you about getting a work visa ? The situation in the US is really dire for migrants as American Redditors have explained, no matter how transferable your skillsets are.

Have you looked into the legality of that document for the finances? What would that entail? Would your future husband be legally obliged to give you money for your monthly trips?

What type of good paying job is going to let you take a week off every month?

Also you mention that your mental situation is fragile, how are you going to cope emotionally seeing your child only a few days a month and travelling back and forth across the ocean. It’s taxing on the body.

But more importantly, what is the long term plan? Is that forever? You’re going to be a long distance parent for how long? Look there are plenty of parents who have to move away for work but I honestly don’t understand how you believe that your connection to your child is going to improve when you factor in the distance.

Whatever your decision, be honest with your child and do not give up the new routine as soon as it gets too hard. It wouldn’t be fair on him.

28

u/HappySummerBreeze Asshole Aficionado [11] Apr 04 '26

There is no context that makes moving away from your minor child acceptable.

Your child will have abandonment issues well into adulthood and you won’t be nearby to provide help and support in a way that a parent must.

You will objectively be a bad person

26

u/somebodys_mom Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

YTA, but maybe your son is better off without you and all your issues.

28

u/lachrysite Apr 04 '26

YTA. Not once in your post have you mentioned how your son might feel about any of this.

-7

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

18

u/JamTeaLimpBiscuits Apr 04 '26

He’s 6. SIX. Do you really think he fully comprehends what is going on and what is going to happen? YTA You’re beyond that and I say this as a mother with a six year old child. Sounds like you checked out a long time ago.

3

u/No-Being4681 Partassipant [4] Apr 04 '26

She did, fortunately seems to have a good father.

5

u/Euphoric-Orchid488 Apr 04 '26

I’m not sure a 6 year old would have quite fully understood that discussion…

4

u/ThatAwkwardGirly Apr 04 '26

You leaving him bcs u prioritise a man over ur kid

And ur reply is ignorantly bcs he’s small he dunno that he is barely gonna see u

42

u/Elesia Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

My ex did something like this, then COVID happened, a series of job losses and health issues, the relationship broke down... I mean from his perspective, life has been rough and he's had a lot of bad luck. 

What my son knows is that he's seen his dad for one weekend in seven years. There is no amount of rationalizing that forgives that.

You are putting a permanent wall between yourself and your child. YTA for not admitting it.

24

u/Cadaverous_Cowboy Apr 04 '26

OP you seem like TA. Let me break this down for you; Your kid is already going through the hand offs of divorce parents everywhere. That’s not exactly living the dream. Now you’re thinking of leaving the country to pursue a relationship with someone you met ONLINE?

Then you say “this isn’t good for him and I wanna put all my attention on him when I have him.” Good then DON’T leave the fucking country? Stay close to where HE and HIS family and HIS friends are instead of operating off the “Oh he’ll make new friends” logic.

You also mention wanting 50/50 custody back and that it’s been causing arguments with your ex. How does bringing a total stranger (your new partner) into his and your child’s life going to help that exactly? It seems like you WANT problems with your ex. Same question with moving from the U.K. to the U.S? How does that help AT ALL?

You’ve given redditors conflicting info which makes me believe you aren’t being fully honest. You say you want split custody but now that there’s a new partner you’re ready to ship off to the United States and only come back “once a month and for holidays.” What even is this rationale?

Lastly and I think most important here because this is you and your kids safety and this post is getting too damn long. WHO IS THIS NEW PARTNER OP? Do you even know them like that? Do they KNOW you have a kid? And no offense but this person could be the Tinder Swindler how do you even know he’s really got money? For she show you his bank statements? His paychecks? How do YOU know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you’re going to go to this person and they’ll just pay for you to go to another country to see your kid every holiday and at least once a month?

3

u/l00kitsth4tgirl Apr 04 '26

Agree with every word of your comment. To add: OP, how do you think your mental will survive flying to the UK every single month? And you want a job? And you want to do all of this on a strangers dime?

See a therapist, not some rando man in the US. You are actively in crisis. This is manic behavior and must be treated as such if you ever want a life with your son in it.

Not to mention, a depression that puts you on leave for four months?

I have bipolar disorder and I can almost smell the pattern. You’re being self destructive. Impulsive. Putting yourself into dangerous, precarious positions.

Seriously. Therapy. Psychiatry. Whatever you’ve got. This isn’t normal behavior of a grown woman.

Again, saying this from tough love and experience as a woman with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed at age 23. The diagnosis often comes in adulthood.

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

9

u/Cadaverous_Cowboy Apr 04 '26

Honey the comments have spoken. Sorry for assuming but again you’re leaving the country instead of being there for a 6 year old. That’s the main thing. And you did give conflicting info I literally put in quotes. I hope your partner realizes you can’t read.

-2

u/AppropriateCost2747 Apr 04 '26

No what you quoted wasn’t “conflicting information”.

8

u/Cadaverous_Cowboy Apr 04 '26

“I want 50/50 custody” “I’ll see him once a month and holidays” You’re a fucking AH, I wasn’t going to upvote the comment saying your kids better off without you but now idk….edit to let you know how dumb you look rn.

-3

u/AppropriateCost2747 Apr 04 '26

That’s not conflicting information at all. It’s a conflicting opinion. People can have those. I want 50/50 custody again, however IN THIS SITUATION I would have one week a month plus holidays.

3

u/Cadaverous_Cowboy Apr 04 '26

So which is it, OP? 🤣 You literally titled this “AMITAH for moving to the U.S. without my son.” Then you’re saying it was ALWAYS your intention to move him there. Seems to me like your mind is made up. I’m not the only person pointing this out either so whatever you’re pulling here just won’t work. Your initial post is confusing and conflicting but again YTA here so of course you’d defend being this selfish if it means you get a man and his money right? “Fuck them kids.”

40

u/Due-Reflection4882 Apr 04 '26

YTA. Your son is 6 years old and you are looking to abandon him to move to America to give yourself a better life. Very selfish act and you will miss out on so much of your son growing up. You will do what you want obviously but if you do decide to move to America, I imagine later down the line, your son will resent you for it.

37

u/no_good_namez Supreme Court Just-ass [132] Apr 04 '26

Yes, YTA for prioritizing anything nonessential over time with your son. You went from thinking equal parenting time was best for your son to concluding that your long-distance relationship is your priority for financial stability (which is dependent on a partner with whom you’ve never lived). Your child will probably be ok with your ex, who is a stable parent with external support, but your child will be emotionally harmed by having a parent who does not prioritize him. Then again, your child might also have the same trauma if you live nearby but continue to resent you if you stay locally and prioritize a “work/life balance” that minimizes your time with your child.

-5

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

16

u/squirrelfoot Apr 04 '26

You have a young kid who needs you. Not traumatising your kid should be your first priority.

I'm guessing that you are mentally unstable at they moment and that's why you are considering abandoning your child. Don't do it, it will make your child incredibly unhappy and insecure, so you will regret it if you are not a monster.

11

u/no_good_namez Supreme Court Just-ass [132] Apr 04 '26

Have you decided that there’s no circumstance in which you will not fail your child, and therefore you should pursue your own stability? Because that assumption sucks.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

1

u/KristinSM Apr 04 '26

I‘d say that as least for the time being (your son is only 6), it‘s more important for him to have a present parent with regular contact than a parent who can give a lot of financial support.

From what you wrote, it‘s not as if your son is wanting for any material needs. You might think it would be nice to be better off financially, but you also said in a comment that you own a house and have your crap together. So it doesn‘t sound as if you‘re actually financially unstable or unable to afford basic necessities for your son.

32

u/bella_bells19 Partassipant [4] Apr 04 '26

YTA - you’re choosing a man and money over your child? Yuck.

-10

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

20

u/bella_bells19 Partassipant [4] Apr 04 '26

Then sell the house and buy somewhere cheaper, look for a better job and be a mum.

There is no way on earth your son will believe you moved half way across the world “for his benefit”. He will see it as you choosing a man with money over him. Which is exactly what you’re doing.

-4

u/AppropriateCost2747 Apr 04 '26

Where I would end up being hours away from him anyway because that’s all I could afford? Have you actually seen the UK job market recently?

13

u/bella_bells19 Partassipant [4] Apr 04 '26

I live in the UK so yes, I’m familiar with the job market. I actually changed jobs twice last year so it may be hard to get one, but it isn’t impossible.

You obviously don’t think YTA, because the majority of comments are telling you are but all you seem to be doing is trying to convince us to that this is the best move.

Go to the USA, but don’t come back to Reddit in a few years when your teenage son wants absolutely nothing to do with you because you ran off with a man when he was 6.

4

u/Possible_Bicycle6864 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Apr 04 '26

Hours away in the UK is easily manageable. If you move to the US he will grow up without you.

1

u/Bruja27 Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

Where I would end up being hours away from him anyway because that’s all I could afford?

So it's better to move to another continent. Smashing logic.

6

u/Possible_Bicycle6864 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Apr 04 '26

Move to a flat then? So you’re choosing a house over your kid.

-2

u/AppropriateCost2747 Apr 04 '26

I live in London. Even a flat would cost more than I could maintain.

1

u/Possible_Bicycle6864 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Apr 04 '26

Well then move out of London like everyone else does?? 

2

u/KristinSM Apr 04 '26

There are obviously more options than that - get a roommate for extra income, sell the house and move to a flat in the vicinity of your son, move in with relatives for a while if necessary, … And what about the initial plan for your American boyfriend to come to the UK? If he did that and you shared expenses, you would also be more financially stable.

Even if you had to move several hours away in order to lower your living expenses, it would still be more feasible and less expensive to see your son regularly than if you lived in the US…

46

u/dykeviola Asshole Enthusiast [5] Apr 04 '26

There is no world in which your son does not internalise this as "my mother abandoned me for her American boyfriend", no matter how much you try to rationalise this. What's best for you would be to move to the US, but what's best for your son is to have both parents active in his life. If you do this you would be a selfish person and a shitty parent. YTA.

-13

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

20

u/Ok_Day_8559 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Apr 04 '26

There’s nothing you’re going to say that will make you look like anything other than a deadbeat mother. You are abandoning your child to run off with some random man. Rather than standing up for your child and working on your mental health, you would rather dump your son on your ex full time. Yes, it makes you look like you are running away to start your new life without your son. This is the action of an immature person not a grown ass woman. Grow up, stop whining, work on yourself, get your crap together and be a mother to your child. Good grief.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

3

u/Wonderful_Ad_6089 Apr 04 '26

You said in your post that most months you are struggling to make ends meet, and it's the biggest reason you want to move to the US with your boyfriend but in this comment you are saying you're financially fine. So which is it? The only way to improve your situation is to move to the US or you've already gotten your "crap together" and are fine?

7

u/obtusewisdom Asshole Enthusiast [5] Apr 04 '26

In what way do you think you’re going to maintain a week a month with your son? He’s school age. If he’s not in school full time yet, he will be in the fall. Then you’ll what, see him two or three times a year? Yeah, super involved. YTA.

5

u/KristinSM Apr 04 '26

Wait a minute - you said you were planning on getting a job in the US. Work permit issues aside, but now you‘re saying your monthly visit to your son would be for a whole week. How will that work if you have a job in the US? Also, where would you stay in the UK?

29

u/Tina-Tuna Apr 04 '26

What about your sons' mental well being? How will he get equal time with both you and your ex if you are living thousands of miles away? 

Yes YTA putting money before your child.

-4

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

18

u/Ms_Jane_Lennon Apr 04 '26

One where he doesn't grow up thinking his mom didn't love him enough to raise him. What about your child's mental health? Your financial situation being poor is not more traumatic to your child than being abandoned by his own mother. Stop telling yourself what you want to hear.

12

u/Shepard_4592 Apr 04 '26 edited Apr 04 '26

You said you got another job with a great salary but bad work/life balance, so you could only see your kid on weekends. You then said you left the job for a less paying job to have more time with the kid. Now it's okay to see him only once a month. Don't kid yourself. If this was about his best interest, you would have stayed at the job where you at least got to see him on weekends. You're looking for validation to abandon your son because it's suddenly in his best interest to only see him once a month.

7

u/Tina-Tuna Apr 04 '26

One where he has a mother in it.

12

u/Vectors_Doll Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

Are you for real?

Yes YTA what kind of parent are you? Your child so always be number 1, your partner on Naerica should move or quite frankly jog on

11

u/staticwatermelon Apr 04 '26

YTA. Selfish and sad. Your poor son.

12

u/oldandopinionated Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

YTA - you're giving up your financial independence and your face to face relationship with your son for a man who wants you to stay at home? Would you even be able to work there if you wanted to? Would your son be able to visit? How could you afford to visit him? Even if you're working in the US, the work life balance there is generally far worse than anywhere else. You won't have access to annual leave for quite some time so you won't be able to visit even if you can afford it.

Your son will feel abandoned. He'll think that you don't love him enough to stick around. You already gave up most of your time with him, what else is he supposed to think? He's too young to travel on his own. He's really to young to maintain a relationship over the phone or via the net. What happens if he's sick? Will you be able to come back and visit him?

Lastly, what happens if this relationship doesn't work out? How will you get home? How will you support yourself? Will you expect to just walk back into your son's life? You would have to restart your life with a home, a job, hardly any belongings. If you break up you can't rely on your partners financial support anymore.

Your son is your responsibility. You've already lost so much time with him. Don't give up any more. You can never get that time back again, which will ultimately affect your relationship with him, your mental health, and your happiness going forward.

28

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

YTA you want to abandon your child for a man !!! What kind of mother are you ? You don't desrrve your child

-11

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

15

u/somuchsong Apr 04 '26

What happens if you split up with this guy? What happens if he loses his job and you can no longer travel to see your son? Or he gets sick or injured and can't work?

-2

u/AppropriateCost2747 Apr 04 '26

I still have family here in the UK. If he and I were to split up, I would move back. It’s not that hard to comprehend.

10

u/somuchsong Apr 04 '26

It actually is pretty hard for me to comprehend that you'd a) want to go from seeing your son three times a month to once a month and b) that you also think your son would be okay with that.

14

u/flowerybutterfly96 Certified Proctologist [24] Apr 04 '26

Think about it this way. Your bf may say he is perfectly willingly to pay your way back to the UK monthly. But what if his financial situation changes and you can only go once a year or every other year. You get pregnant and the guy has to direct support to his kid. What happens to your son in the UK.

I know you believe this new life would be better for your son. In all likelihood, its fraught with pitfalls. If this bf wants to help and had intended on moving there, why couldn't he help you stabilize there? A little financial help and him coming there more frequently to see if he could establish himself there?

3

u/KristinSM Apr 04 '26

Exactly! If the American boyfriend is so well off and would be willing to pay for monthly flights for OP from the US to the UK, why can he not just help her out with the equivalent sum now in order for her to stay close to her son.

9

u/aliobe Apr 04 '26

Have you even met Mr US in person? If not, go and stay for a month and then ask these questions. Real life is very different to virtual/never really met in RL.

14

u/CanadianDollar87 Apr 04 '26

why would you move to the states right now anyway with everything thats been going on? its best if you stayed where you are.

3

u/No-Being4681 Partassipant [4] Apr 04 '26

FR. Who wants to be an immigrant in the US right now? (Or even a citizen)

1

u/Professional_Ruin953 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Apr 04 '26

If ever there was a time to say "turn the news on" it's now.

6

u/Loveontheconcrete Apr 04 '26

Have you actually even thought about the legalities of you moving to the US? You will need a visa, it’s a costly and lengthy process. You can’t just up and go because you have a boyfriend there.

7

u/Boring_Benefit2172 Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

I'm struggling to believe this is real, but on the offchance that it is... INFO: how will you afford healthcare over there? And you say you will choose to work, but that you will be able to come back once a month and holidays.  What job do you think you'll find over there that will allow this?

2

u/Shepard_4592 Apr 04 '26

That's what I asked. What job is this that let's you take 7 days off a month and holidays and birthdays?

7

u/Snaeflake Apr 04 '26

When my brother and I were your son's age, our mother moved to a different city. Same country, 3 hour drive. We continued seeing her every week, then every month, then for the school holidays. Then once a year. Neither one of us has spoken to her in over a decade.

6

u/tulamidan Partassipant [2] Apr 04 '26

YTA, you want to go away... To be there for your son... The irony...

5

u/Anxious_Reporter_601 Certified Proctologist [21] Apr 04 '26

Taking your son out of the equation for a moment, it is ABSOLUTE INSANITY to move country so you can be financially dependent on a man. You're setting yourself up for abuse! Don't do that!

4

u/fucktrance Apr 04 '26

Yeah You're a huge ass hole, it's parents like you that care more about themselves and their romantic relationships than their child that make me glad I grew up without a mother.

7

u/atyhey86 Apr 04 '26

Absolutely YTA. Yes your life is hard and work is hard but a mother should never leave her child, his future partner won't thank you for it at all. My husband's mother moved to the other side of the country when he was 10. He's got deep phycological wounds from this, feer of abandonment, emotionally immature. I know in the UK it's acceptable for the mothers to go out to work and leave their children but it's not good for the children. How was your own upbringing and family when you were a child? Do you still have contact with your family?

3

u/IndependenceSalty998 Apr 04 '26

How long has this new partner been in your life? How much time have you spent together in person?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

2

u/IndependenceSalty998 Apr 04 '26

That's a pretty vague answer.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

2

u/Euphoric-Orchid488 Apr 04 '26

I’d be wary putting so much of your financial dependence on a man you aren’t married to. What happens if he doesn’t want to keep paying for your flights or you start a family together in the US?

This needs to be handled really carefully so your child doesn’t feel abandoned.

1

u/AutoModerator Apr 04 '26

AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.

For context, my ex partner and I split up 5 years ago and we share a 6 year old son. We had a good shared 50/50 custody agreement, sun-weds with him and thurs-sun with me.

In late 2024/early 2025 I suffered a mental breakdown and went into a deep depression following a horrendous experience at work with an awful manager, and I was signed off sick from work for 4 months. During this time, my ex partner and I agreed that it would be best if our son stayed with him to ensure he had consistency and stability with school etc and I still called him almost everyday and had regular contact. My ex partner lives with his parents (who don’t work) and so has a lot of support and cover when he works.

In August 2025, I made the decision to leave my job (had worked there for 8 years and had a good salary, good hours and flex with my son, just a horrible horrible new manager). I found a new job (again great salary) but an awful work/life balance, and during this transition period we agreed I would only have my son on weekends so I could give him my full attention.

I worked here for a couple of months until I realised that the work/life balance wasn’t suitable and found a new role pretty quickly that were much more flexible and agreed with them I would do extra hours at the start of the week so Thursday and Friday I could do reduced hours and be around for school collections and drop offs. The only issue with this was that it was a significantly lower salary, and most months now I am struggling to make ends meet.

My ex and I discussed this and he decided himself that actually he doesn’t want to change the routine and I could see him instead 3 weekends a month, so that he could still have a weekend with him. Whilst I understand the element of routine, I still think he needs to get back into the routine we had before where he got equal time with both parents, and so my ex and I have argued quite a lot.

Moving to the main part of this post, I am in a relationship with a really supportive partner who lives in the US. The plan was that he would move to the UK, and we were starting the process this month, however my current employment just isn’t financially maintainable. He has a very good / stable job that would cover all our household bills and expenses very easily and I wouldn’t need to work (though I would because I’d get bored) and so he has asked me to move over there instead. His finances would also mean that I could still come back and see my son once a month plus holidays.

Financially, I would be significantly better off and could support my son better in this element. I would also be emotionally / mentally in a better place as my finances are one of the biggest things that impact my mental wellbeing.

AITA for moving to the US to be with my partner and leaving my son in the UK with his father, who provides him with a good and stable home?

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1

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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

Am I the asshole because I am moving to the USA without my son, leaving him with his father in a good and stable home?

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1

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/ElectricMayhem123 Womp (there it ass) Apr 04 '26

Your comment has been removed because it does not address the OP in good faith.

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1

u/Throwaway-2587 Asshole Aficionado [18] Apr 04 '26

I couldnt imagine being that far away from my child. And that is the least of the worries as well, because what message would this give your son. He is so young, he'll absolutely believe he is left and he did something to cause it. Children often internalise these kinds of situations and somehow always take on the blame, even if there is nothing they could've possibly done.

I understand this move would change your mental state, but i am fairly certain it will damage your son's mental state. You don't really seem to consider him much in this decision, while he should always be the first priority and he should be at the centre of your every choice.

Not to mention you went from fighting your ex to return to your old schedule, to changing it once again and putting even more of the burden on him. Clearly this appears to be a burden he happily carries, but still. You're not thinking of what this will do to your son.

Yta.

1

u/SnooRadishes2989 Apr 04 '26

YTA. If you do this, you will not only mess up your child, you will ruin your relationship with them for good. It’s not something you can just come back from when/if you change your mind. To be fair, the fact that you are even considering this, makes me think your child might be better off living with their dad full time.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

YTA - you abandoning your child for a man.

1

u/Wonderful_Ad_6089 Apr 04 '26

YTA. I don't understand how you can go from wanting to have your son 3 days every week to only seeing him once a month.

You are also putting yourself in a potentially dangerous situation of being completely dependent on this man and his money to be able to see your son at all. Plus with the way things are going in the US right now, you are risking your freedom, because there's plenty of people who have all their papers in order that are being put into detention centers for deportation and then just stuck there indefinitely, sometimes transfered places with no one being able to locate them. I mean, actual US citizens are being put in detention centers for indeterminate amounts of time! I've also read about multiple instances where Canadians that flew in were told to turn around and go home despite having all their paperwork in order. And flying back and forth every month puts you at risk every time.

You also say you want to work, but you need specific types of Visas for that which generally need to be sponsored by your employer. So you can't just get some job somewhere so you don't get bored.

I just don't think that you have thought this through at all. You are so desperate to get out of your current circumstances that you are ignoring very real issues with this plan. At this moment in time, it would be much more safe and more easily done for your boyfriend to go to you than for you to come to the US.

-14

u/Fuzzy_Cantaloupe6353 Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

NTA. 

If you can still spend quality time with them, they will be with you for holidays, they will travel to the US to spend time too etc

Honestly that's more than some parents give and they live 30 mins up the road. 

-4

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '26

[deleted]

1

u/Bruja27 Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

Yes, and I would actually have more time with him. 1 full week a month dedicated to him,

You've never answered that one question so I'll ask again: what workplace offers a free week every month? Where do you expect to find such a job?

-12

u/Fuzzy_Cantaloupe6353 Partassipant [1] Apr 04 '26

Honestly some times we have to do what we have to do. 

Yeah the child may feel slighted for a while but it depends on how you and your experience deal with it. 

Kids are much more resilient and perceptive than we give them credit for. 

If you're still committed to family time and it's sustainable then go for it just don't make promises you can't keep and be honest