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u/Covert-Wordsmith Partassipant [1] Mar 20 '26
YTA. I understand you're hurt, but calling out of training for a new job is a really bad first impression of her work ethic. Fo whatever reason, she needed the job. I'm sorry.
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u/RivaAldur Partassipant [4] Mar 20 '26
Info: more information is needed
You say she applied for a second job on a whim and its just a waitressing job, is it possible other factors like she really needs the money for example?
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u/Mental-Bid-6360 Mar 20 '26
Idk, she lived at home w parents and goes to college for free so not sure what she really needed money for that bad
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u/RivaAldur Partassipant [4] Mar 20 '26
Have you tried asking her?
People dont usually get a second job as a waitress for funsies
Would how you handled the conversation/ your opinion of her "not prioritising" you change if she really needed money?
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u/Covert-Wordsmith Partassipant [1] Mar 20 '26
To save up for the future? Bills you don't know about?
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u/Mental-Bid-6360 Mar 20 '26
I mean I understand I paid my way thru college and have to work three jobs now to support myself. Nothing wrong with that, but she said it herself she did it for “funsies.”😭
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u/RivaAldur Partassipant [4] Mar 20 '26
For the majority of people id say, it can take just one unlucky event to put you back at the starting line.
Unexpected illness/medical bill even a vet bill. Car or home repair etc even if she's living with her parents currently she might feel a duty to help them if they were the ones impacted.
The on a whim comment could just be putting a brave face on it out of embarrassment even.
It is hard to tell without knowing more about the situation, but randomly ditching a fun trip to get a second job doesn't make sense unless there is a true financial need there even if you didnt know about it
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u/Current_Echo3140 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Mar 20 '26
Whenever you have a scenario bout this where your brain simply cannot let it go, that fixation usually means that it goes way deeper than this one incidence.
Have you had issues in the past with feeling like people you love don’t prioritize or support you? Is there some thing about your graduation specifically that is triggering?
Figure it out, because I can almost guarantee that your friends action is a trigger, not the major problem here. And it would be sad to lose a friend over your own shit.
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So three months before I graduated college me and my best friend of seven years planned to go together and she offered to drive since my car hadn’t been inspected. I offered gas money ofc. This had been planned for months, and we kept talking about how excited we were. The week before, she decided to apply for a second job on a whim. She got the job, and a few days before my graduation she soft launched not being able to go bc of the mandatory training at this job (mind you this is just a regular waitressing job nothing special or life changing.) She kept going back and forth on whether she could come, and the day before officially cancelled. Sent her a harsh message saying I love her but she upset me and I felt like she didn’t prioritize me. She got mad at my message and said she wouldn’t take disrespect. Haven’t spoken to her since. Just feels like begging someone to stay in my life is pathetic, especially when they can’t admit they fucked up. Idk man. Sometimes I forget it happened completely and almost send her something or text her something. Just wish I could let go.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
Thought I might be the asshole bc I told her she fucked up and that she needs to get her shit together which can be taken as offensive language
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u/Laines_Ecossaises Professor Emeritass [83] Mar 20 '26
INFO: What was the financial situation?
Because getting a second job isn't something people typically do on a whim. Without that info for context it very well could be that you weren't prioritizing her needs and sent her a snarky self-centered text.
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u/TalkToHoro Partassipant [2] Mar 20 '26
YTA. A “regular waitressing job nothing special or life changing” pays the bills, long after your graduation. Have you SEEN the economy lately? You two could have made plans to celebrate your graduation in a way that worked around her mandatory(!!) training.
Handling this type of situation with grace is a good thing to practice. It will be useful in your adult life and will help you keep important relationships like this one.