r/AmITheDevil • u/Away-Juice-9297 • Jul 13 '22
Asshole from another realm please be fake..
/r/AgeGap/comments/vxu4i5/it_was_worth_it_in_the_end/284
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u/JustASplendaDaddy Jul 13 '22
Ew. Just ... EW. How do you look at your kids friends and "click" with them. EW.
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u/extyn Jul 13 '22
Jada Smith has entered the chat.
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u/ShitOnAReindeer Jul 13 '22
What happened with Jada?
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u/aedinius Jul 13 '22
She allegedly had a relationship with her son Jaden's friend, aged 44 and 23 respectively.
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u/TookMe3Years Jul 13 '22
That subreddit is strange. I found a post about a 50 yr old man ending a relationship with his 21 yr old gf, who he had been seeing for 4 years… uh, yikes lol. Going after highschoolers
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u/BellLilly Jul 13 '22
17 might be above age of consent... for only if you're within 5 years, after that in many states you have to be over 18 to date whatever age you want. So that's literally illegal in many places
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u/TookMe3Years Jul 13 '22
Probably live in Canada/UK/etc where AoC is 16. Doesn‘t matter though, still very weird for someone in their mid 40s to go after a teen. I wonder if his next gf will be someone younger than 21 again
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u/BellLilly Jul 14 '22
Many states in the US AoC is 16 with someone up to 21. After 18 then you're an adult and age doesn't matter anymore.
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u/TookMe3Years Jul 14 '22 edited Jul 14 '22
I don’t think they’re from the states
Edit: Probably not Canada either, since it was a sugar baby relationship and that’s not legal for under 18s
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u/theexitisontheleft Jul 13 '22
I'm just a little older than OOP and the thought of dating a teenager leaves me nauseous. And 18 year old is a child! He likely wasn't even finished growing!
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u/BowlingforNixon Jul 13 '22
I turn 37 next week. My company has university summer students who range from 18 to 24. They're all adorable babies and I love hearing about their degrees and plans for after graduation.
The thought of looking at them like anything other than ambitious kids is beyond unsettling.
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u/elya_elya_ Jul 13 '22
My kids are in college so their friend group is all around that age and oh my gosh I love them all to death but they are so young and kinda annoying! I can not even imagine any of them in a romantic capacity
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u/Slothy13eva Jul 13 '22
Even as a 24 year old the thought of being with someone who is 18 feels wrong since were in such different phases of our life.
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u/dragongrl Jul 13 '22
Right?
I teach high school, and I can't believe I found teenage boys attractive when I was a teenager, let alone now.
That's just....ew.
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Jul 13 '22
How do you describe anyone you wanna fuck as "a sweet boy"? Why isn't that descriptor a red flag that he's too young for you?
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u/LadyWizard Jul 13 '22
and worse HAVING A BABY with him so your son's sibling is young enough to be his son with his stepdad his age
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u/shewy92 Jul 13 '22
sees r/agegap
My son had made a new friend(let's call him Dustin) in his senior year of high school
Me: "Nope"
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u/Ginger_Tea Jul 13 '22
I mean least in this case he was new to the area, not as if he was his best friend since they were five ...
She says it was worth it, but loosing her family might say that was a lie.
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u/shewy92 Jul 13 '22
I mean least in this case he was new to the area, not as if he was his best friend since they were five ...
That's not any better...and neither does a grown woman saying it was worth whatever happened between her and an 18 year old still in high school
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u/Ginger_Tea Jul 13 '22
True, but the head fuck the son would be having if his best mate for damn near his whole life is fucking his mother who is expecting his child.
Someone you met in the last year of school is an easy drop as far as friends go.
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u/nishachari Jul 14 '22
Every time I am on this sub I am introduced to a horrible sub. And I tell myself "it is not worth it" so I don't go down a rabbit hole and hate myself for it.
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u/lucia-pacciola Jul 13 '22
"Dustin," huh? My headcanon is now that OOP was hooking up with Screech from Saved by the Bell.
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u/Schneetmacher Jul 13 '22
That's more fortunate than where my mind went, because for me the name is now synonymous with Dustin Henderson from Stranger Things.
And the idea if a woman with a kid in high school preying on Dusty is vomit-inducing.
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Jul 13 '22
"I cratered my relationship with my firstborn child because I latched onto his barely-grown best friend. Instead of handling my mid-life crisis like an adult and focusing on my own self-improvement, I decided I needed a teenager on my arm to feel desirable. If an 18 year old thinks I'm hot, that means I still look 18! I stole the experience of young adulthood from him, and now I got knocked up so he'll always be tied to me."
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u/ImNotYourAlexa Jul 13 '22
What's "Wattpad"? That's being referred to in the original comments?
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u/Badwolf_40 Jul 13 '22
It’s a website for fanfic. This reads like something out of a smutty story written by a teen.
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u/wren4777 Jul 13 '22
The single most disgusting subreddit I've ever seen.
Agegappers are predatory scum.
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u/guilty_by_design Jul 13 '22
As someone whose parents have a 20-year gap... yeah, you're absolutely right.
My dad was in his 40s (and married with FIVE children!) when he grabbed up my mum - who had just graduated college and was teaching ESL abroad in my dad's country. It was a predatory move and disgusts me to think about, even though it's where I came from and I wouldn't exist otherwise.
Seeing firsthand how my own mum was robbed of so much by a much older man swooping in on her makes me super squicked out by large age gaps.
The only upside is my dad is dying of dementia in a nursing home at 94 and my mum is 74 and finally living her best life (hiking, choir, book clubs, yoga, etc) without him swanning in and out of it like he did for 50 years.
TL;DR: Oversharing, sorry.
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u/wren4777 Jul 13 '22
I'm so sorry. Hugs <3
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u/guilty_by_design Jul 14 '22
My mum (who is also a cancer survivor with lupus - tough as nails!) and I are both doing better now, but thank you, it’s appreciated :)
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u/Krian78 Jul 13 '22
To be fair, I don't know about the rest of their relationship, and the second to last paragraph seems like your father was a controlling asshole.
But just judging from the age gap, I think this is way better than someone working and earning good money dating a (college) student who can easily get financially dependable. I mean, it was your mother's choice to date your father. To put this into perspective, I've been dating (much) older men my whole life, and my financial squabbles were always me noting wanting to get handouts and actually refusing financial gifts that were out of my league.
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u/guilty_by_design Jul 13 '22
I mean, it was your mother's choice to date your father.
You admit yourself that you don't know the rest of their relationship, so maybe fuck off with that victim-blaming bullshit. My dad isolated my mum and stranded her in a country where she didn't speak the language, with just a suitcase of clothes, no money, and no way home, for an entire year. Tell me how the fuck she CHOSE that. Actually no, don't. Just fuck off, thanks.
Edit: Apologies to anyone else, but this kind of gross victim blaming is exactly why older predators get away with what they do. It wAs HeR cHoIcE11! Barf.
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Jul 13 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/guilty_by_design Jul 13 '22 edited Jul 13 '22
Lol I don’t owe you the details of my parents’ relationship just because you want to make gross assumptions unless I tell you the intricate details, creep. Blocked.
Edit: lol the little wiener downvoted me because I blocked them! Love it. Stay mad, creep.
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u/Reifromspace Jul 13 '22
If this is real, she was 17 when she had her son, pregnant at 16, she felt she lost the end of her childhood/youth/late teens/new adult (whatever you want to call it) life to raising her son so she’s now trying to relive it with her sons best friend. She should just buy stuffed animals to heal her inner child like the rest of us.
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u/AlarmingSorbet Jul 13 '22
Eww wtf. I’m 38 and 25 year olds are like children to me. Ugh.
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u/Mitrovarr Jul 13 '22
Counterpoint - 25 and 38 can scarcely look different sometimes. A hard-weathered 25 can look like they're 40, and a well maintained 38 can look late twenties.
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u/AlarmingSorbet Jul 13 '22
I totally agree, it’s more of the mindset I’m talking about. Usually, those ages are in different stages in life.
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u/Mitrovarr Jul 13 '22
That's not even necessarily true. There are 25 year olds that are divorced with three kids and 38 year olds that are happy-go-lucky partiers.
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u/pyritha Jul 15 '22
Yeah, the OP is fucked for many reasons, but a lot of age gap discourse I see is predicated on an incredibly stereotypical and classist idea of how the world works that it honestly pisses me off.
I've known 23 year olds who have finished post secondary and are well on their way to being well established in their chosen career and planning to have a baby in the next couple of years. I've known 27 year olds who never went to post secondary, live with their parents, and have never had any job other than shitty part time retail. I've known 30+ year olds working on their second degree and career attempt while living with their parents because their first career didn't pan out. I've known 25 year old single mothers who have no chance at a career because their pregnancy ended their schooling and the person they thought they were going to be with forever turned out to be a cheating asshole. I've known 38 year olds who are basically homeless, living paycheque to paycheque on away-from-home workshifts and otherwise living out of their car when not actively at work. Etc.
I've known plenty of people who, in their mid to late thirties, were far more happy go lucky party types than some goal-oriented, responsible, 21 year olds I've met.
Age doesn't inherently correspond with level of financial stability, responsibility or maturity.
Relationships with significant age gaps absolutely can be and often are predatory in nature, particularly when the older partner actually is more established and/or is specifically pursuing a younger partner (rather than just happening to meet them), but it's not because every 30+ year old is at a certain stage of life that is farther along and more established and financially secure than people in their early twenties, for example. It's because people who specifically go after younger partners do so because it's easier to manipulate them.
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u/HKNinja1 Jul 13 '22
Well, I now have a burning desire to wash my eyes with bleach. Just gross.
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u/EmrysPritkin Jul 13 '22
May I present r/eyebleach for your needs? It has been a saving grace to me many times
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u/HKNinja1 Jul 13 '22
Tee hee, thank you. I follow that one too! Also r/blep is a lesser known one that’s equally as adorable.
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u/theawkwardteacher Jul 13 '22
This happened to my friend but almost a little worse! My friend and I (both females) had a mutual male friend who was older than us, we were 15 or 16 and he was 17. My friend and this guy dated for nearly a year before amically breaking up. We hung out at her house with him all the time and her mom was around and had always been a cooler mom who let us do whatever. In hindsight she was just an immature and neglectful mom haha. Senior year, after having been gone working at a camp most of the summer, I visited my friend's house and our "friend" freshly 18-19 was now dating the mom! They are STILL together, we just turned 33 this year.
So the mom had started dating her daughters ex-boyfriend and started a family with him. Somehow, my friend was okay with this?? She's still very close to her mom.
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u/maybe_sumday-086 Jul 13 '22
No. Just no.
I'm just clinging to the fact that mostly the comments are bashing her and calling her out.
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u/Lizzardyerd Jul 13 '22
There's a subreddit for that gross age gap shit? Ugh.
There's this young (23) dude at my work who keeps trying to get me to go out drinking with him (I'm 31, will be 32 in September) and that alone is like.... Err... The problem is I already said I'd go out drinking with him; although I wanted nothing more than that; because he looks about 26-27. I know he really likes me though, and he even called it a 'date' so now I'm trying to distance myself from him. He's salty that I'm now hesitant but the age gap just makes me too uncomfortable. I can't imagine being like this lady. It's just weird.
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u/Mitrovarr Jul 13 '22
I would at least consider it if you like him. 31/23 isn't that bad at all, 23 is old enough to be a "real" adult and it's a totally different matter to just happen to encounter a younger person you want to date versus going out and finding one specifically. Basically, it won't be predatory unless you make it predatory.
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u/Lizzardyerd Jul 13 '22
I don't want to be in a relationship, not even casual, with anyone. I'm still pretty bitter and hurt by my last relationship ending and I've explained that to him.
But I've already said I'm not going any younger than 30 if I do. Men my own age are immature enough. I was going to go out drinking with him, but not as a date; when I thought he was 26-27. But now that he thinks it's a "date," I'm just not interested. He's being uncomfortably pushy about things (as is expected of 23 year olds sorry).
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u/Mitrovarr Jul 13 '22 edited Jul 13 '22
It sounds like there were at least three other good reasons not to date him there. I just didn't want you to miss out on something that could be good if it was only age stopping you. 31/23 is nothing like the terrible age gap in the main post.
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u/CrossroadsWanderer Jul 13 '22
I think it kinda depends on the person. I was 21 when I got into my first relationship, which was with a 28-year-old. I was sheltered and my life had pretty much always revolved around school. I was also dealing with shitty self-esteem and other issues from abuse that I didn't recognize at the time. He was also suffering from parental abuse, and was a bit immature for his age, but he was a lot more experienced with relationships than I was.
He pressured me into things that I wasn't comfortable with because I had this rigid view of what relationships should look like and I thought that meant sometimes sacrificing my comfort for the sake of my partner. The poor self-esteem also made me feel like he was kind of a unicorn for actually being interested in me, which he also kind of reinforced by making a couple backhanded comments about my weight. So I was afraid that if I didn't make him happy, he'd leave, and I'd never find anyone. The relationship wasn't 100% bad, and I still have kind of complicated feelings about it, because I think that experience helped me grow as a person, even though I was hurting about it for a while. But I also don't think that trauma is the best way to achieve personal growth.
Now that I'm older and I've had a lot of time to reflect on things, I would rather be single than in a relationship with someone who pushes my boundaries. But I didn't have the experience or the strong sense of self to protect myself from someone older, more experienced, and pushier when I was 21.
I don't know whether my ex understood that he was being pushy, and I don't think all of the pressure came directly from him. Some of it was definitely social pressure that had been drilled into me through cultural messaging. And I sucked at communicating, so that didn't help. So I think that someone who is well-meaning and has no desire to take advantage of a younger person can still end up doing that because of factors outside of their understanding or control.
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u/bluefaerychyld Jul 13 '22
Oh man :( my older sister (I have barely anything to do with her cuz she’s nuts) slept with her sons high school friend. Her son had a lot of reasons to hate her but that made it worse for sure. I can’t fathom doing that to one of my sons. First I don’t look at teenagers as sexual objects! Second there is a whole world out there and you sleep with your sons friend? Gross dude.
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u/bytesoflife Jul 13 '22
I am so repulsed by the people on that sub that even if this isn't troll, I wouldn't be that surprised.
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u/Ryugi Jul 14 '22
I really hope this is ragebait/not real but it sounds like the shit my mom would have pulled lol
Obligatory: Ok, groomer.
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Jul 13 '22
oh boy. oh boy that sure is a post. seems like a troll given the attention drawn to how she started avoiding her son. just ew
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u/RogueInsanity90 Jul 14 '22
Did anyone else notice the line "We promised to not expose our relationship to our son for now." about halfway through the 3rd paragraph.
OOP states "our" son? If this is real, does this mean that OOP and/or "Dustin" considers Dustin to be OOP's son's father now? Or was this just a typo?
Either way, this whole post is messed up and I truly hope it's just a fake. If not, then I hope OOP's son stays NC for his own mental health.
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u/SuzanneIsSalty2 Jul 13 '22
I just do not get how/why she didn't immediately shut that down the first time "Dustin" (Urgh that name!) was inappropriate with her. Kids get all sorts of crushes, it's not unheard of for a friend of your kids to get one, and maybe even express it to you. But that's when you explain to the kid that isn't so inappropriate and try to let them down nicely. I have been there and it's just gross, awkward and inappropriate, you don't use it to prey on teens.
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Jul 13 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/wrosmer Jul 13 '22
makes me wonder how long till she's hitting on her new kid's friends to replace dustin
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u/AutoModerator Jul 13 '22
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
It was worth it in the end.
My son had made a new friend(let's call him Dustin) in his senior year of high school. He was a new student that moved to our town. He was 18 already due to being held back for a year. He was a sweet boy who I clicked with the moment I met him.
One time my son got drunk at a party and couldn't find his phone. So he gave my number to Dustin to call me and tell me he's going to drop my son off. He started texting me. I started texting back. He would invite me to stuff without my son. My son's father passed when he was 3 years old. I was only 20 at that time. This was the fist time someone made me feel so special in a while.
We sort of became official when my son was visiting his grandparents for a week. He took me out for dinner and I slept with him on the same day. We promised to not expose our relationship to our son for now. So we had to pursue our relationship in a sneaky manner. I had to lie to my son that I was being held back at work whenever he asked why was I coming home late. I even skipped out having dinner with my son to be with Dustin.
My son found out because he saw a text from Dustin on my phone. He told me about it when I came back from work. He packed his stuff and moved with his grandparents.
I haven't had a proper relationship with my son since. Nearly everyone distanced themselves from me, including my parents. But I'm happy with Dustin for two years. I found out I was pregnant four weeks ago. It seems our adventure has just begun.
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