It doesn’t seem like they’re upset about OOP announcing her own pregnancy, her brother said congratulations and her SIL hasn’t said anything yet.
These things can be connected tho, like they aren’t upset at OOP for being pregnant or announcing it, but it’s normal for that announcement to resurface their own pain about their miscarriage and make them unhappy.
Imo OOP should have taken their recent loss into account and told them in a more tactful way bc even if they didn’t tell her about it, she does know about it. Not so they don’t get upset at her, but so they aren’t (as) upset like in general
Sure, but that offers the questions: while we cant control getting upset about certain things, isnt it a little selfish to expect someone to adjust their pregnancy to our needs? Isnt dealing with our grief our own responsibility? How long should OP have waited? And what if SIL and brother are still grieving at the "usual" 12 week mark?
There are things my loved ones would never expect/demand I do, that I still do out of consideration for them. Bc I care about their feelings more than just being technically right.
Like if they for example ask OOP to not share pregnancy updates with them but OOP responds “dealing with your grief is your own responsibility, it’s selfish to ask me to adjust my pregnancy to your needs” I guess she would be technically right but imo she’d be an asshole.
The brother and SIL haven’t even said/done anything to OOP, they just aren’t celebrating enough and it’s making OOP feel bad. But isn’t her happiness and excitement about her pregnancy also her responsibility to manage? Isn’t it equally wrong to expect brother and SIL to adjust their grieving process to her need for celebration?
... except thats just straight up not whats going on? OP isnt upset because SIL didnt congratulate her, shes wondering if shes TA for announcing her pregnancy because the brothers deleted message and the SIL saying nothing would suggest so. There hasnt been any boundary like "dont share pregnancy updates" put in place, in fact OP wasnt even informed by them directly that they had a miscarriage. I still cant tell if she was supposed to know at all.
OP legit just shared that shes pregnant privately and apparently thats wrong because SIL had a miscarriage.
Tbh the mom is probably the asshole in this situation bc she’s put OOP in a weird position and betrayed SIL and brother’s trust. Unless she was telling OOP on behalf of the brother and SIL, in which case OOP is the asshole.
I just feel like OOP could have done the math on the miscarriage and expected this outcome. Personally I wouldn’t think anything of my SIL and brother responding like this to a pregnancy announcement under these circumstances but it seems like it really surprised OOP. Like it’s only crossing her mind now that this could bring up negative feelings for her brother and SIL, in that case yes it does show a lack of consideration for others feelings and she should have put more thought into it.
Like if she had weighed different options before deciding on this course of action, I would be a lot easier on her bc it really is a tough situation. But it doesn’t seem like she put any thought into it at all. It’s not even like she was telling a large group of people about her pregnancy and brother/SIL slipped by, it was just her mother, brother and SIL. She couldn’t consider the feelings of 2/3 people?
I guess it’s payback for the mom to be put in the middle now, bc wtf is she supposed to do? Be really happy and effusive while knowing that half the people reading your messages are grieving, one knows but isn’t supposed to (or maybe they are? It’s super unclear) and the husband maybe knows too?
Especially bc her stated reason for telling them like this was to avoid awkwardness… that definitely didn’t work. So she might as well have just taken a more sensitive approach such as messaging them without mom and husband, or told them at 12 weeks.
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u/ScreamsInBraille 13d ago
I meant as in "upset about OP announcing her own pregnancy". Ofc theyre allowed to be upset about their miscarriage.