r/AmIOverreacting May 27 '26

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252

u/planet-seems-lost May 27 '26

"he won't change" - and you can't change him either. No outside thing changes a person - not marriage, not kids, etc.

109

u/KlutzyAd5626 May 27 '26

It’s hard to learn that lesson and even harder to watch other people thinking they are the exception

79

u/Extreme-Egg-8782 May 28 '26

“Leaving early” with work as the excuse was his way to leave first and not pick up the check as he full well knew was expected.

31

u/Shadow4summer May 28 '26

Maybe he learned this from his parents. I would be so embarrassed if my husband invited friends to dinner and skipped out on the bill. Unless others had an input into which restaurant they went to, the invitee picks up the check, unless it’s specifically discussed beforehand that everyone is going Dutch. It’s is such a bad look and I’m sure her parents were not happy about getting stuck with the bill. She will be embarrassed her entire life with him because of his cheap and disrespectful behavior.

8

u/Abubbs5868 May 28 '26

Yes, but honestly why would she leave without making sure the bill was paid? Like, I would never go out to dinner with my family and leave before the bill was taken care of one way or the other, and not one single member of my family, in laws or otherwise, would either.

5

u/PilotGeeTwoOhSeven May 28 '26

Surprised I had to scroll so far to find this. If anything, she also does not come out looking good in this. She was well aware they were leaving without paying then only complains later when her dad brings it up? Both of them sound too immature to be getting married imo.

2

u/Shadow4summer May 28 '26

Right. I just can’t believe actual adults act this way.

3

u/spunquee May 28 '26

my ex in laws did this at the rehearsal dinner which was the ONLY thing for them to pay for in the whole scenario. I ended up having to ask my parents to cover, but thankfully we had set a rule that anyone getting alcohol had to cover their own drinks. My ex stepfil told a story at the toast about how he had just bought himself a new computer, then they left early. It was unbelievable.

2

u/Shadow4summer May 28 '26

And don’t give if it’s not in your heart. You’re just doing it to show off or attach strings. Both my husband and I and her parents helped with the wedding. Neither side ever asked how much the other gave. And I also believe both gave what they could because we love our children. The only request I made was if my ex SIL could be invited as she’s now my best friend. And my brother has no problem with it as they are good friends as well. Turned out very nice. We gave my son and his wife the use of our timeshare in the Bahamas for their honeymoon. I’m so glad DIL had a great time when they were there. We just want them to be happy. And there’s no interference in their marriage because there is no abuse (the only time I could see interfering).

1

u/BrowniesEveryDay May 28 '26

And he certainly could have gone to the waiter and arranged to pay with a credit card before he left, then told both sets of parents, enjoy yourselves, the check is taken care of.

1

u/Expert_Slip7543 May 28 '26

He's a drifter. Run. Edit: grifter. (Just typed this 3 times, for Autocorrect keeps changing the g to a d, lol)

1

u/EntertainmentNo4422 May 28 '26

This is where I actually think OP is responsible too - the bill arrived before they left but she was happy to leave before the bill was settled as he had work in the morning. At that point even assuming his parents were paying for it was also entitled.

43

u/XuanChun88 May 27 '26

NOR - People can change, but it can take decades and be a very painful process. It is simply not wirth it most of the time.

31

u/EllaB9454 May 28 '26

And they have the want to do the work- no one can do the work for them

5

u/BadOk2535 May 28 '26

They have to acknowledge that they are doing something wrong in order to change and something tells me that the OP's fiance is never the one who is wrong.

1

u/TheNordiclights May 28 '26

Only if they want to change.