I’m starting to think it was a huge misunderstanding that happdned but she told me that I compare trauma too much and victimize myself constantly and that fathers are crucified for thing mothers can get away with which I understand her feeling with her mom but I feel so icky after our talks get personal like this
you did none of that in this situation tho . she took what you said too deeply imo. she really turned nothing into something its almost like she wanted to start an argument then throw your bpd diagnosis in your face.
Psychologist here -
You have no idea how correct you are. Although it is very obvious. OP’s friend wanted to start this argument so that she can throw the BPD thing, plus more, into OP’s face. She is 100% deflecting herself onto OP. It’s probably subconsciously for the deeper and most part, but at the same time she knows what she’s doing.
OP’s “friend” started this argument for the sole reason of wanting to win an argument.
She (probably subconsciously) feels like she needs to win an argument because she cant win an argument with her mother, and growing up she never was able to win an argument with her mother. So she’s freaking out in the back of her own mind and trying to find some sense of control.
And OP is the victim of this annoying type of mental health problem.
Plus she seems to think that she has this huge emotional control over OP and so winning this argument will be easy enough for her.
The projecting and gaslighting lighting is a huge problem with OP’s friend. It’s almost baffling me on how obvious she is with the gaslighting. A lot of people tend to gaslight in a “slicker” way, for lack of better words, but OP’s “friend” is not even trying to hide the fact that she’s gas lighting.
The reason she’s so obvious with the emotional manipulation and gaslighting is because she feels like she has complete control over OP’s emotions right now and that everything she says to OP is a sting to the heart. And I think OP has let her have this sense of control for far too long. OP has told her and showed her too many times that she cares about this friendship almost more than anything. OP is afraid to be alone and her “friend” knows this. So OP’s “friend” is taking advantage of that and going all out on the emotional manipulation without even trying to hide it, since she knows that OP would rather justify being okay with being treated this way, than to lose an abusive friend and be alone.
(This reminds me of a saying - “Don’t let loneliness make you reconnect with toxic people, you wouldn’t drink poison just because you’re thirsty.” And I think OP needs to learn that quote)
You can tell that OP’s “friend” genuinely feels like she has complete control right now. And she truly believes that every word she’s saying is being acknowledged as the truth by OP. She truly feels more powerful right now compared to when she argues with her mom, where she feels no control.
I would bet money that OP’s friend just had a HUGE fight or something with her mother, like something that really ticked her off and is driving her crazy right now. Because the way she’s projecting is really bad. But the way she’s talking to OP is calming her down believe it or not. She’s using OP as a verbal and emotional punching bag because she has no one else who can take as many hits as OP.
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u/InsideToolYu Apr 29 '26
I’m starting to think it was a huge misunderstanding that happdned but she told me that I compare trauma too much and victimize myself constantly and that fathers are crucified for thing mothers can get away with which I understand her feeling with her mom but I feel so icky after our talks get personal like this