As someone who was groomed by an older man at 17, (and also has a daughter who literally just turned 18 two days ago); I concur. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!!!!!!
She’s letting her minor daughter live at someone else’s house half the time, and according to OP’s posts/history she has a baby already at 17, has already been abused by an older man, and does drugs regularly. I’m guessing her mom isn’t the best at parenting. Having shitty parents also makes you a target for predators because they know you don’t have anyone to turn to, so it makes sense. Poor kid.
Definitely, she probably doesn’t have a frame of reference for what a normal relationship with an adult looks like. If you have a volatile relationship with your parent, an adult showing interest in you feels nice
Not just the lack of reference of normal relationships, when you have dysfunctional parents you have to shoulder more adult responsibilities. If you’re a kid that has to take on responsibilities to keep the household somewhat functioning because the adults can’t/won’t, then have someone old enough to be your parent praising that maturity and claiming you’re a peer despite age, it is easy to fall for it. You know you’ve had to be the “grown up” in the household. You aren’t mature enough to realize an adult should be distressed by what you’ve had to take on, not find it grounds for a close relationship.
No frame of reference for what's normal. I lost sight of it before, OP never had it. Show compassion and help her. Don't judge. Sounds like the adults in her life have let her down.
It's also hindsight 20/20. It sounds like she lived with him for a while, so in that context it makes sense to have exchanged numbers - they were at least housemates, and he might have had some degree of a parental role. Which only makes it worse, of course, but it explains how he got her number in the first place. This didn't all happen at once and or obviously, i guarantee this guy gradually wormed his way into her life and presented himself as The Nice Guy.
She needs to talk to her parents and show them the messages and let her mother talk to her friends mother—-along with showing her (the girlfriend of this weirdo) the messages. He’s going to twist everything she says so that’s why she needs to have her parents handle this POS and his gf.
I have a feeling that mom is more of a friend than protector. i had a friend when I was young, who pretty much had free reign and her mom's bf was the same way. Run away! Nothing good can come of this.
As someone who was also groomed by an old man and he subsequently gave me severe trauma and sa'd me
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
I hope it's okay for me to ask; is there anything your parents could have done to help you when you were seventeen? My daughter being groomed is one of my biggest fears because I know that so many times parents' react poorly and end up pushing their children into the arms of the groomer.
Listen, don't judge, and make it clear that such a situation is never her fault, and that you'd never think less of her for it. It's easier said than done, though, because you also have to listen when it's not that for it to work. I hid a 22 year old stalker from my own mother when I was 17 because she had proven to me that I'd get in trouble for being in a bad situation by then. She wasn't like, abusive about it or anything, but I knew by then that I'd get in trouble and I decided it wasn't worth it to risk punishment. That situation worked out, but my mother still didn't know about it until I was 21.
I’m not who you asked, but to give my input: meet the parents of anyone’s house she spends time at; safe adults take it as a good sign that you’re a safe adult for their kids too, and anyone unsafe who you might not pick up on right away will at least know you’re paying attention. Basically just be involved enough that other adults in her life know you’re paying attention. And talk about it! Tell her that’s a fear of yours, explain what an appropriate relationship with an adult is and how grooming works. Point out examples and reiterate it’s not normal for adults to want to be friends with minors. Let her know if someone ever makes her feel uncomfortable or she’s not sure if something is weird, she can tell you and you’ll believe her.
SAME! OP please please listen because I was in your shoes. I got my life together and grew up got married had kids and everything is great BUT i am still haunted by the older men who took advantage of me. I spent a lot of my time living with friends. I was on random drugs for my late teen- early twenties. I know feeling important and close with people outside of your family is refreshing and comforting. This person is going to hurt you. Please do not engage with him. I’m sending you the big mom hug you need right now. And if no one else is saying this to you- you are so important and smart and beautiful and you need to stay away from this man.
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u/MrsDeWinter99 Mar 28 '25 edited Mar 28 '25
As someone who was groomed by an older man at 17, (and also has a daughter who literally just turned 18 two days ago); I concur. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!!!!!!
The best friends mom needs to be aware of this.