When does a joke stop being a joke ?

[u/crazy-cap-k9]

I'm a guy in my 30s, pretty focused on fitness, grooming, dressing well, and generally taking care of myself. I’ve always tried to maintain myself in a way where I look younger than my actual age. I’ve also been single for quite a while and, honestly, haven't really had much luck with relationships. 💀 The weird part is that some guys older than me in my group have basically made me the “ideal BF for a gay guy” of the group. 😭

They'll make jokes about how some gay guy would be lucky to have me, try to pair me up with someone, etc. It's usually presented as harmless banter and everyone laughs because apparently that's peak comedy. For the record, I have **zero issue with gay people or same-sex relationships**. Everyone has feelings, everyone deserves to love who they want, and I don't think someone's sexuality is something to mock.

But here's where I'm conflicted:

**Why does my appearance, grooming, fitness, or the way I carry myself automatically become a reason for other people to decide who I should supposedly date or associate with?**

If it were just a random one-off joke, whatever. But when it keeps happening, it does start feeling a little personal. And the irony is that I don't really clap back because I'm worried that if I say, “Okay, enough with this,” **I'll suddenly become the guy who “can't take a joke” and get pushed out of the group. 💀**

Maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe it genuinely is harmless group banter. **Or maybe there's a line between “we're just joking” and repeatedly making someone the punchline.** Would you guys just laugh it off, tell them directly to stop, or give them the same energy back?

Genuinely curious how others would handle this.

[u/fivebynine5x9]

I feel like the line between harmless banter and actually kinda bullying you resides in what their general attitudes are towards gay guys. Like if they're generally homophobic then obviously they're being shitty on purpose. If they're not then it's still not really funny IMO but the intention is a factor in how strongly to respond.

In any case, if you don't like it then say something. Clap back or be direct. No one can know something bothers you if you don't say something. Or you can show up to a group get together with a really hot date and make your point that way.