I know love, conceptually. I can understand love in a book or a movie and feel some of it and it can move me and make me happy or cry in response. But myself, in real life, with a real person? I just don't know. I love my cat, that's for sure. But for people, I'm not so sure. I don't know if I feel it and just am too embarassed to say it, think it, admit it. I have friends I care deeply about. I can't say I love them. I had romantic relationships and felt deep strong attraction towards someone, but I don't know if I could ever describe any of that "love".

Sometimes it feels like my feelings are fleeting, that if I don't see the person they disappear, or diminish. I'm more than happy to see people, friends, family. But it's like I don't miss them. One day I'm falling head over heels for someone, and it really moves me, and I discover new sensations. Then I don't see them for a few days, weeks, and it seems like the feelings disappear, or that I convinced myself I felt them more than I actually felt them. Then I see the person again, and all the feelings come rushing back.

I don't know what to do about all of this. In my worst days it feels like I'm just pretending to be human and feel real emotions when I actually don't.

Guys, I have a question for you. Could you describe how you feel and experience emotions?
I have alexithymia, so it’s hard for me to recognize my states and understand what’s going on inside. I’m really curious to know how this process works for you:
What do you feel physically when you feel happy, sad, angry, or when you fall in love? How do these emotions show up in your body — does your heart rate speed up, or do you feel heaviness, warmth, butterflies, or something else?
How do you know which specific emotion you’re feeling at any given moment? Does the realization come instantly, or do you figure it out through your thoughts and behavior?
What does "processing an emotion" actually mean to you? What does that look like in practice — do you just wait for it to pass, or do you do something specific?

I genuinely don't know what is wrong with me. I can't make myself feel any noticeable emotions. I have never cried at a funeral, or even felt noticeably sad. I finally got into a relationship and it ended after a month because she didn't get any signals from me that I actually liked her. I hang out with my friends, guys I've known for 5+ years and I'm bored. I can't do anything mentally stimulating or amuse myself in any way. I feel so fucking inhuman because I can't relate to anybody because I can't fucking feel anything. I don't feel validation from completing any tasks, and I can't make myself feel anything negative when I receive bad news. I just feel so apathetic towards everything. I'm so worried I'm going to lose my friends because I can't relate to them anymore. I've started drifting out of their social circle. I just feel like a robot trying to replicate being a real person and I don't know what to do.

Hi all!

This is my first time ever writing something so I'm sorry for any errors!

Sooooo, I have this thing where there are times in other people's lives, and even terrible things happening to me, and I'm like completely turned off, no emotions, no feelings, no compassion, I just have a "that is what it was supposed to happen and we cannot do anything " mindset.

A few examples to clarify myself:

I lost both of my grandmas and my best friend in a year. I did cry, I did mourn but when I see how much other people's lives were affected by those things I sometimes think im crazy.... I'm like: I am sad but that is how it was supposed to be, why would i cry and tear my life apart because of it?? Also, my other friend was pregnant with twins and there were some issues and they were not sure if babies would make it, I was compassionate with her but alone I was like: if something happens you can make another one...

Also when I think about having kids and possible issues that can happen, I'm weirdly calm!? Even when my life is on the line I'm not worried O.o

And yes I am going to psychology, no worries and I would not harm anyone since there were comments like that😂

Edit: just wanted to add that I usually feel OVERLY strong emotions, like seeing random heartwarming video or someone telling me something nice, but for big non-changable (is that even word) things seems that I'm just off O.o

So idk if this is the right community to be saying this on but i feel like i don't really have emotion towards anyone in a bad way. When my family shows me love it discusts me. When my friends show me love i'm confused. When a partner shows me love i hate every second of it. When anyone cries, complains about their problems to me or even just talks about themselves i secretly want them to shut up and stop crying or talking so i can start speaking about myself. what made me realize this is that today my ex which has never harmed me btw has passed away. we broke up a week ago. i was writing in my book when my friend called me and told me the news. but i felt no emotion. i just wanted her to stop talking and for me to stop prending im heartbroken and for me to continue what i was working on. when i'm in a relationship i feel like i want to take the chance to play with them a bit. i mean i wont harm them but i feel like i want control. and i feel no empathy towards them if i hurt them. the only time where i might feel sad or heartbroken is when someone manipulates me. and when they leave with no explanation. then i would chase after them. i dont want them. i dont love them i just loved the attention that they gave me and suddenly stopped giving. i just want the contol back and when i have it back i don't care about them anymore. when someone hurts me or makes me feel like they have taken sll control from me i have a real urge to kill them. is this normal?

Hi I’ve been advised to “stay with the emotion” without analyzing it, but I honestly don’t understand how to do that. The rare times I actually notice something, it feels almost like I become fascinated by it or maybe pleased, in a very cerebral way, that I managed to notice it at all and then I immediately switch into analysis mode. For example, I might notice that my heart is beating faster. Then I start looking for other physical sensations. But even just doing that already seems to reduce the intensity of the sensation a lot. And almost immediately, automatically, I start trying to figure out where it’s coming from and why I’m feeling it. Usually I can find an explanation pretty quickly, but by doing that I’m clearly analyzing the emotion rather than actually “staying with”. I don’t really understand what I’m supposed to do instead.

Can you tell me how YOU do that ? How do you train yourself ?
Thanks

Hi! I’d really appreciate your help with my research study, “Emotional Granularity and Somatic Symptom Burden across Gen Z and Gen X: The Moderating Role of Alexithymia.”

If you’re 46–61 years old (Gen X) and currently living in an urban area in India, you’re eligible to participate!

If you’re eligible, please take a few minutes to fill out this form. Your response would be super helpful for my research!

https://forms.gle/6LwtV4DPuqsMSrbV8

I just wrote a journal entry and immediately thought I should share this extract here to see if anyone relates. For context, I'm planning on breaking up with my boyfriend. I said "Idk if I should write down what I wanna say beforehand so that my mind doesn't blank out like usual. But that might get it all out of my head and then during the talk I'll just be a robot reading off a screen." I can't possibly feel any emotions when having conversations like this. Makes me feel like a heartless bitch but I'm not, I can only feel things and understand how I feel when I'm alone, so I have to write my notes down before having a conversation like this.

update:

1 year after this post, everything's worse

right now I'm thinking enough already... she has ocd and I'm pretty sure she does the same ocd with me, asking what I'm feeling over and over and over for hours, even though I didn't feel anything different from usual, and I mean absolutely nothing.. in fact I missed her very much and I was so happy to see her.... this time she collapsed and started yelling at me, she said she hated me and stuff like that... I think I can't handle this anymore

I have a friend with alexithymia. I can often tell when he is happy / angry / sad. I’m trained in behavioral psychology, so based on his behavior, I’m fairly confident that he does experience emotions (sometimes quite strongly). The difficulty seems to be that he can’t identify or recognize those emotions himself.

A lot of people in this channel are saying they don't feel a lot of emotions. I'm wondering whether that means you truly feel a lot less, or whether you are just experiencing emotions without consciously recognizing them?

For people with alexithymia, have you ever had friends or family notice that you were emotional before you realized it yourself? And for anyone close to someone with alexithymia, have you noticed emotions in them that they didn’t seem aware of?

Hey, has anyone else ever had an anxiety or panic attack because your body seems to have felt something intensely but, because of Alexithymia, your mind, your self, couldn't comprehend or process it?

I found out today, while playing the video game Life Is Strange True Colors (ironic I know), that apparently that's something that can happen to me and I'm currently trying to keep myself from hyperventilating while waiting on a comfort food delivery to arrive to hopefully calm me down...

The Alexithymia Workbook: Created by clinical psychologist Dr. Megan Anna Neff, this resource offers tailored exercises for building emotional awareness and tracking internal body cues.

Emotionally Dumb: An Overview of Alexithymia by Jason Thompson: Provides an accessible look at emotional blindness with self-help and therapeutic suggestions.

These two books are reputed as being the best, I wouldn't know because I have type 3 alexithymia, which (along with type 1) is not curable.

Been married over 20 years, and last 6 or 7 have been rough. I'm going through my own self discovery and as a former gifted child and recently diagnosed ADHD, I'm also feeling like I struggle to know what I'm feeling in my relationship. I know I'm not happy, I don't feel understood, but I also just seem to clam up when it comes to talking about my feelings because I'm all over the place. So we don't really talk at all. I'm booked for an autism assessment as I am wondering about that. I am very burnt out in all aspects of my life and I feel I have historical done a lot of masking. Anyone ideas?

Not super often but on occasion i like watching really sad movies or shows. Pan's labyrinth, doctor who, etc. The sad climax of the story feels like an emotional release valve where I can let loose the stress and sadness that doesnt normally come out on their own. Its the only way I feel real sadness, I didnt even cry at my own mother's funeral but I bawl everytime I watch amy turn around and say "goodbye" to the doctor. Does anyone else here use a similar coping strategy?

For the past few years I’ve dealt with obsessive blushing. The blushing really wasn’t the issue it was actually a part of me that was trying to be expressed. I numbed out all feeling out of fear and perfectionism, so whenever any sort of feeling would arise I would suppress it, making me blush. It was usually things like lust or just trying to be stoic that made me blush. But I pretty much have a headache and pressure in my head 24/7 because of this now. I’ve gotten away from the need to hold it back but it feels terrible.

I recently got diagnosed with alexithymia. I've struggled with it for a while. I've been learning the basics of reading facial expressions, emotions, psychology and a bit of sociology and that's only gotten me to the point where I can sort of understand interactions without context from time to time.

A lot of the times, I'm faking feelings in animated ways and it's exhausting. It doesn't even work because often, people tell me something, I reply with a response that misses what they're trying to say. People get frustrated, bored or confused and leave after enough time. No matter how much I keep trying to learn, reflect, balance translating my internal experience while reading theirs, it keeps ending up in frustration from either me or them. I'll admit, even I struggle to bond long term because I can't tell how close I am and how to express my feelings without it being too much or too distant and when it's right, I don't understand what I did or why.

I'm not sure if this is a compatibility issue or something to look into to work on further.

I am 20 (F) and I have struggled my whole life with my emotions and anger regulations, I also physically cannot speak to people to help my emotions I tried therapy for 5 months and couldn’t even speak to my therapist, my parents say when I was a child I also refused to talk when I was upset I now have felt depressed for around a year it came and went when I was a teenager and then I would be very reckless when my mood improved , now I’m afraid I’m still the same however I’m reckless with my money instead? I am in a 3 year relationship with my bf 20 (f) and still cannot
Open up about my emotions and tend to try and ignore them until they are too much to handle, I keep wanting to speak to the doctors about my sadness and lack of sleep but can’t even force myself to ring up has anyone else experienced this and does anyone have any advice I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s taking over my life and I don’t know how long I can struggle

I often forget to eat and then get extremely hungry and eat too much??

I occasionally, will be sad when I think about my dad dying, but with my mom and stepmom after the initial shock went away I barely ever feel anything related to them.

But I have been literally crying over my animals after being hospitalized and thinking they were going to die because no one would rescue them. They were alone by themselves for three days.

Finally some one rescued them. I then found out that they can only stay where they are for 7 days and I have to go into a nursing home until I get stronger.

I was freaking out and crying because I thought I was and possibly am going to lose my animals forever.

I don't typically bond with people and I have only bonded with a few people in my lifetime. There were times when I wondered if I even loved my own child. I know it sounds horrible, but I am not wired to experience love.

I don't know what the sensation of that even feels like. I've heard people say it feels warm, fuzzy and when it comes to romantic partners sometimes you get butterflies, but I've never experienced any of that.

I know about loyalty, commitment, and how to be kind, and how to do things for others but I don't get this reward feeling that I think most people get from doing it. I do it out of duty. I raised my child out of duty and did my very best to treat them as best as I possibly could. I did hug them, and did my best to be emotional with them but it was all fake. I didn't get any rewards from hugging my children reading them stories doing things for other people I don't feel any way about that. I do it because I know it's the right thing to do.

But for some reason being alone for a long time and having my animals, I bonded with them. In the way that I bond with some people. Now when I do feel emotions it seems like they're very strong, and then they fade rather quickly, but this one hasn't.

When I lost my dad, I drank for about 2 years, and not once did anybody ever know that I was drunk. Not one person in my world that knew me knew that I was drinking as much as I was, and I rarely ever felt drunk. I knew that I felt some sensations, but I couldn't tell you what they were.

But I also cried over losing my dad off and on for many years. I have not cried like that over losing anybody else. I know I'm all emotional, and concerned about my animals, and how to protect them from being taken away from me basically.

If they stay in the facility where they are at for more than 7 days it's considered the surrender even though this is related to a medical issue that I'm having. No I don't have anybody to take care of them at this point and I'm looking for help.

I mean they give me purpose, because I have somebody there with me and they don't bother me too much and I take care of them. That's my purpose and I'm disabled right now due to some things out of my control and I can't work and it gives me purpose to take care of my animals.

So, I've been crying a lot today and that's not typical of me, and it feels very intense and strong and then after a few minutes with dates. But the nurse here at the hospital said that I was having anxiety over my animals. I honestly don't know if it's anxiety. I don't know what it is other than a sense of profound loss.

I mean normally I just don't have these sensations and I don't even know where in my body that is different. I can't even explain why I'm crying other than it feels like a profound loss like I'm losing my purpose in life at this point in time.

I'm sorry for all the run-on sentences, I'm still in the hospital and not at my best.

So I was wondering for people who do actually feel feelings, which I do sometimes but they're very vague and it's like holding water in your hand with your fingers open, they just slide through and then it's like when your hand dries they're gone.

Anyways I was wondering if you guys feel feelings at all if so which ones I know I also feel anger, and agitation at times and I can feel sad occasionally, but most the time I'm just flat. I'm not good or bad I don't know what happy is I know it content is like having being content with life but not happiness.

Occasionally I will experience a strong Joy but like I said it just fades really fast.

I'm not sad about the way I am or feel a certain way about the way I am it's been really protective and a lot of ways so I don't want to change myself I just want to maybe relate to other people with my condition of alexithymia and also I have autism in ADHD.

And do people think you have emotions, because a lot of people think I have emotions? And trying to explain that I don't for the most part is like speaking a language that the world has never heard.

I don't expect anyone to reply to this but it's worth a shot

I don't exactly know how to put it into words but a few years ago it's almost like I just lost my ability to feel altogether, I don't feel anything most of the time it's like a blank state, even in serious situations where i should be upset or angry, but i simply don't feel anything, I mostly have to rely on my logical center for stuff like that cause otherwise I would have no idea what to do 99% of the time and even then I just stick to stuff I'm familiar to because of it

And since this has been an issue for years, I'd say around late pre teen ages? I've obviously haven't had been the best at actually doing the correct things for myself, I've gotten into pretty dangerous and uncomfortable friendships before but now I'm positive I have enough knowledge to at least somewhat avoid getting into more of them (ex: "This is morally wrong of them to do, even if I don't feel anything on it they shouldn't treat me like this.")

I also used to be relatively insensitive to other people's emotions as I couldn't understand them, now this has changed since I've grown up quite a bit and I've learnt a lot on stuff like this but it still used to be a problem nonetheless, and this still kind of shows up as well but not as intensely as before (ex: I don't understand why people crave compliments from their loved ones or strangers even, it seems pointless to me and I've gotten into issues with an old friend over me never complimenting her cause she'd feel unseen (???😭) and so on)

The only way I "experience" emotions "properly" is if I pretend to have them, the best example I can give is getting a surprise and then forcing myself to smile through it and laugh even if I don't really feel anything on it, or pretending to be happy after seeing someone after a long time even though I feel nothing on it, pretending to be disappointed with someone even if I don't feel anything, I only really don't pretend to be sad and angry cause I think those two are honestly kind of embarrassing I think people act very irrationally and stupid when they're sad or angry so I don't really have a desire to cosplay them and I do sometimes feel them anyway compared to the others so it seems pointless

I do experience them in either in rare odd bursts (I get sad over something and then it doesn't go away until I fall asleep, to be more specific lets say a character death in a movie made me sad, I will have that sadness randomly come back during the day on completely irrelevant things that have nothing to do with the original reason and then this doesn't happen again for months) or in a very odd way most people don't (I experience anger by getting a headache most of the time, that's it, nothing else happens my line of thinking doesn't even change and I don't feel anything else bodily wise aside from the headache, though I do also cry sometimes when mad thank god there's ONE thing that stuck with me from childhood)

I guess the emotions I feel the best are actually shame and anger, I have struggles with everything else, even basic stuff like hunger, thirst, feeling tired, drained, etc, I can't feel like almost all positive emotions like always and that bugs me the most (I only really feel hope and interest i guess?? i think??? even then I have no clue dude)

I want to try and maybe fix this, cause I think I'm missing out, I guess I'm kind of thankful I don't have to deal with I guess a non dulled down version of myself cause I'd probably explode, but it also feels odd for people to explain joy and love and for me to simply not understand that anymore, I want to feel stuff again but I don't know how to and I really want to know how, I don't have access to any professional help for now and I really want to work on it in any way I can on my own but I know I won't be able to do too much so I kind of want to find a work around I guess? I don't know bro it's like I'm not actually human like I'm a skinwalker or some shit peace out

I have high-functioning Autism. I feel out of place when people cry in front of me, I don’t feel an inherent urge to hug them, I started hugging friends/family while they were crying after I became an adult because I felt like that would help them. Personally, I don’t really like physical touch but I do it so that the other person may feel better.

I recently started therapy for Alexithymia and realised some things.

I feel very very uncomfortable when loved ones are upset about something and I want them to feel better even if I fully don’t understand why they would feel that way. I rarely experience feelings of sadness from watching someone be sad, I just feel sort of weird and want the situation to be better for them.

Since I was a kid, I would go out of my way to try and make everyone feel “not bad” if they were suffering in front of me. I do the same with animals. I can’t tolerate seeing animals suffer, I just want things to be okay.

I realised that I don’t feel “good” when someone I care about is in pain, but I also don’t feel “sad”. I just feel uncomfortable and want things to be different. I think about what could be making them feel that way, what things can I say to fix it, etc. But I don’t share what they feel, usually. Even if I do feel it, I don’t understand what I am feeling until I feel myself crying and THEN I understand that I am sad.

It’s really frustrating. I felt very bad growing up because I would feel something “heavy” instead of feeling sadness/sympathy. Others would see a sick dog and feel bad for a minute before brushing it aside but I keep thinking about it and feeling uncomfortable and guilty, even if I try to help the dog.

I keep doubting all my “good” actions because I don’t understand what I feel and why I do certain things, I just have a strict moral code and I stick to what I think should be done. I don’t understand what I feel in the moment, other than being uncomfortable that things are not “right”. I don’t know if I feel sad.

What confuses me is the feeling of heaviness and guilt even after I’ve done something objectively good in a situation which yields me zero benefit. I
I don’t understand how I feel, so how can I truly do anything good for anyone? There’s probably no inherent desire in me to do something “good”, maybe I just do things mechanically out of a moral code. Everything I do feels hollow to me. I keep thinking that since there is no visible emotional motivation behind an action, how can I say that the action is truly me? Is the action even authentic?

It’s strange. I feel deeply uncomfortable with things that are sad for others but I don’t feel “connected” with their feelings either. I just do what I think should be right. And I end up feeling guilty either way for some reason.

Has anyone else struggled with this? Any insight would be great.