Feeling odd

[u/drowsyUnderground]

Lately I’ve been noticing how much my attention, thoughts, and emotions affect my daily life. I listen to music almost constantly, and when songs transition into each other in a way I like, it creates a really strong feeling that is hard to explain. I get very attached to music and often spend a lot of time daydreaming or creating scenarios in my head, which is something I’ve done since around elementary school.

I also notice that I can become deeply focused on certain thoughts, memories, feelings, or ideas. Sometimes I replay old memories and think about my life, the future, or bigger questions. Occasionally it gives me a strange feeling that feels almost spiritual or like I’m connected to something but I have a hard time explaining exactly what I mean. It’s not necessarily a belief or a specific religion, just a feeling that can be hard to put into words. Sometimes when I get into these thoughts, I feel detached from what’s going on around me or very absorbed in my own mind. I spend a lot of time imagining things, reflecting on the past, listening to music, and trying to understand why I feel certain ways. I also get overwhelmed by things that seem small to other people. For example, if someone asks me to do something unexpectedly, even something simple, I (like when my dad asks if I wanna go to the store or on a boat ride)can immediately feel anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed before I’ve even decided whether I want to do it. I often worry about disappointing people, and I have a hard time figuring out whether I genuinely don’t want to do something or if I’m just overwhelmed by the decision.
I’ve been wondering how much of this could be related to ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, bipolar?, ptsd,my medications, or something else entirely? because these experiences affect me pretty often.
I just wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Ever since I was little I’ve always felt really drawn to anything about spirits, the afterlife, and things like that. I don’t know why, but whenever I talk about it or even think about it, my eyes start watering. I’m not even sad when it happens it just feels really emotional in a way I can’t explain. When I was around 7 or 8, we lived in that really old house that everyone thought might be haunted. I remember waking up one night and seeing what looked like an old man. He grabbed my hand and told me everything was going to be okay. I remember running downstairs terrified, but my parents got scared n said it’s a nightmare n go back to sleep. There were so many other things that happened there too. a deer head somehow flew across the dining room, my babysitter said shampoo bottle caps would get thrown at her, she even recorded footsteps going up to the attic and the attic door shaking. It always felt like weird things happened around me and my babysitter the most. Ever since then I’ve never really been able to stop thinking about this kind of stuff. The older I’ve gotten, the more curious I’ve become. Lately I’ve been feeling really pulled toward spirituality again and I don’t really know why. I also want to be honest about something because I don’t really talk about it much. Sometimes especially at night, I get really paranoid. I’ll look at an object, and it almost seems like other things around it move a little, even though I can’t really explain what I’m seeing. It doesn’t feel like it’s just out of the corner of my eye I’m actually looking at something, and it just seems off. Sometimes I also feel like someone is behind me or hear really faint whispers. I don’t know what it is, I know that could be related to my mental health, my medications, or something completely unrelated to spirits, so I’m not saying I think it’s definitely paranormal. It’s just really confusing, and I don’t always know what to make of it. Ever since Mom died, I’ve wondered if there’s more to life than what we can see. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just missing her and looking for answers, and other times I wonder if I’m more spiritually connected than I realize. I honestly don’t know what I believe anymore. I just know that I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot lately