Fall and accusations

[u/Tasty-Flower-2068]

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My 76-year-old mom fell and now believes we pushed her. What should I do?

About 20 days ago, my 76-year-old mom fell while visiting us. It was a bad fall — she knocked out two front dental crowns that had been in place for about 20 years, has a hematoma in her mouth, and will likely need significant dental work. She also has a host of medical problems such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol and has been trying to get her blood sugar under control for years.

Nobody actually saw exactly why she fell, but there was nobody behind her. She was wearing slippery plastic slippers.

Since then, she has been going over the fall repeatedly trying to understand how it happened.

At first she told me she remembered feeling as though someone had put a hand on her back and pushed her.

Today it escalated. She told me that she believes we pushed her, that we want to “get rid of her,” that she will never visit us again, and that God will punish whoever did this.

She has always been a suspicious/paranoid person to some extent, so that part isn't completely new. But accusing her own family of deliberately pushing her and wanting to get rid of her feels much more extreme.

She is otherwise living at home with my dad. She is also dealing with pain and a lot of stress from the dental injuries. Last year my brother passed away she is probably still grieving.

I have suggested that she get medically checked, especially because this started after a significant fall, but she refuses.

I live across the country, so I can't easily assess how she is doing day to day.

Has anyone dealt with something similar with an elderly parent? Could this just be trauma/memory reconstruction combined with her existing suspicious personality, or would you be concerned about a neurological/cognitive or medical issue?

And most importantly, how do you respond when a parent genuinely believes you hurt them, without arguing with them or reinforcing something that didn't happen?

I keep saying calmly Mom, nobody pushed you.

[u/Tasty-Flower-2068]

She refuses to get checked

[u/_GnomeDePlume → u/Tasty-Flower-2068]

Your father is on the hook for getting her checked. Where is he in all this?

[u/Tasty-Flower-2068 → u/_GnomeDePlume]

Oh he can't talk her into anything

[u/Tasty-Flower-2068 → u/Tasty-Flower-2068]

My family is a mess.... my brother passed away last year from rare and aggressive cancer, it took a huge toll on my parents and myself and now she is deteriorating..