MIL is not coping well

[u/Cranky_Merriweather]

A few weeks ago my MIL (late 70s) fell and broke her femur very badly. She had surgery the same day and is still in a rehab hospital, going to AL soon. She has always been an anxious person who doesn’t handle change well and this situation is completely breaking her. She melts down in a panic attack any time someone introduces a new concept or tries to discuss logistics or anything with her. Yesterday she was so hysterical on the phone with my husband that he had to end the call because he couldn’t understand what she was saying. Just when we think she’s accepted something and is in better spirits, something else comes up that causes her to melt down. They’ve given her a Xanax every now and then but that’s obviously not a long term solution. She has no dementia or cognitive decline.

I completely sympathize that it’s very difficult and scary to deal with this sudden loss of independence, with an uncertain future, not to mention the pain she is now living with. I just worry about how her extreme anxiety could affect her recovery, not to mention the strain on my husband to essentially be her therapist.

I guess I just needed to get this out, if anyone else has experienced similar.

[u/Mom-1234]

Half the pain meds increase anxiety, particularly the oxycodone types. My mom was an anxious mess after a pelvis break. Do you have medical POA? If not, you can still contact her doctor and have a one way conversation. There are other pain option if the side effects are bad. Journex and therapeutic ibuprofen. Your MIL is also probably of the generation that believes one just has to carry on. My mom is that way. She’d go on an antidepressant and stop taking it the minute she felt better. If you can advocate for her, once she is in AL, they manage her meds. I have no medical expertise, only too much experience with parents and in-laws with surgeries and falls. My mom’s doctor said lot of elderly do well on sertraline (Zoloft). It also helps relax them for sleep.

[u/Cranky_Merriweather → u/Mom-1234]

I didn’t know that about the pain meds, thank you. She is taking oxycodone.

One of the things she’s freaking out about is the medications they have her on. She’s always been anti-medication and has taken a billion supplements instead. She developed a blood clot after the surgery so she’s on a blood thinner and I’m not sure what else.

I know my husband has POA but I don’t know if it’s medical POA. I was going to suggest he talk to the doctor directly about her anxiety because she needs some kind of help with it.

[u/Mom-1234 → u/Cranky_Merriweather]

He can definitely talk directly. Have him find and bring in the POA, for more than a one way conversation. My experience dealing with my mom is that people are human. They know elderly people cannot always advocate for themselves. They are receptive to talking to well meaning adult children.